Standup quotes:

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Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. -- Dov Davidoff
Standup is more me talking the entire time. There's definitely an exchange of energy because that room, that audience, is giving back. -- Ellen DeGeneres
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way. -- Louis C. K.
Standup is tough; if you are going through a hard period in your life, it is very hard to get up in front of people and be the happy guy in the room. -- Doc Brown
Standup keeps me grounded and keeps me in touch. I get to go from small towns to big cities, across Canada and the U.S., and you're out there and talking to people. You get a sense of what they respond to. -- Howie Mandel
Standup is a form of therapy. It is OK to tell problems to your audience as long as you are being honest and not boring them. I tell them that I am saving $75 an hour when I talk to them instead of a therapist. -- Bill Engvall
Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone. -- Kevin Nealon
Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it's like this is where I need to be. -- Chris Rock
Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. -- Larry David
No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much. -- Jim Gaffigan
I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived. -- Ray Romano
The demand for standup in the eighties was created by how easy it was to exploit 'comedians' and create very cheap television programming. -- Marc Maron
People always come up to me and say, 'you should do standup.' It's nice to discover things about yourself. That keeps everything lively and fun. -- James Patterson
I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology. -- Dane Cook
The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. -- Joe Rogan
I have an ElliptiGO. It's a standup bicycle. You don't pedal; you stride on it. It allows me to have the same striding motion as running without the impact. -- Dean Karnazes
As a standup, I try to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room. -- Lea DeLaria
I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup. -- Ron White
When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid. -- Ray Romano
I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig. -- Joe Rogan
You reach a point when you say to yourself, 'Do I want to keep doing this?' There are other things on my plate I want to do - I've been writing a play; I've been neglecting my standup. -- Joy Behar
I first did standup at a lesbian bar. I didn't know it was a lesbian bar at the time, but the lesbians loved me. I was huge among the lesbians and am to this day. I'm thrilled with the lesbian support. -- Seth Rogen
Over the years, I've realized that I have as much in common with the performance artist, the standup comedian, the screenwriter, as I do with the theologian. I'm in an odd world where I make things and share them with people. -- Rob Bell
In my standup work, I always do these characters, older people who are just off to the side. It's easier to write a story about the guy who made it to the top, but the middle is so much more interesting, so much more murky. -- Billy Crystal
I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job to make sure the majority of people laugh, and I believe that comedy is the last true form of free speech. -- Jeff Dunham
As a standup comedian, you have to develop a sense of fearlessness. It's really important for your livelihood and your well-being. And if you don't do that, you're going to fail; you're never going to be able to stand up on the cliff and jump off. -- John DiMaggio
When I finished my residency in New Orleans, I went to L.A. where I would work as a doctor during the day, and then at night I would actually go to The Improv and do standup, all the while kind of cultivating my comedy resume. -- Ken Jeong
I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. -- Todd Barry
Actors, you have to wait for people to give you work, or you have to make your own stuff. But standup, I could just say, 'I want to do standup in 30 minutes,' and I can go do standup. Or I could just say, 'I want to do standup in a few weeks in this city.' -- Hannibal Buress
Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it. -- Denis Leary
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Deal or No Deal' works nicely with my ADD/ADHD symptoms. I show up, meet the contestants, and move around the set. I'm not stuck behind a pedestal reading trivia questions. I've always had problems sitting still and listening for long periods of time. The show spares me these challenges. I can live in the moment. It's like a standup act. -- Howie Mandel
You know, I guess there's enough information out there to support that I'm a crazy, wild dude and rock and roll and this, that and the other. And there's enough information to support that, you know, I'm a single father, that, you know, has been a pretty standup guy in his community and pretty private about that stuff. But it's on both sides. -- Kid Rock
I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.' -- Denis Leary
Hopefully standup will become special again. -- Marc Maron
I will always love to perform standup comedy. -- Shelley Berman
I love to work. I love doing standup. -- Kathy Griffin
I love standup and I haven't given it up. -- Ray Romano
I started as a standup comic and an actor. -- Larry Wilmore
I'm not a standup, but I play one on TV. -- Ana Gasteyer
I'm really good at standup. I always win at standup. -- Leslie Jones
NBC anchor Brian Williams is a standup comic in disguise. -- Leonard Maltin
In standup, you don't have anything near you except a microphone. -- Tig Notaro
Unquestionably, standup comedy is and has always been an art form. -- Shelley Berman
I was recently voted best standup never to win a major. -- Andy Kindler
Louis C. K. is one of my all time favorite standup comedians. -- Aubrey Plaza
Is it my end-all and be-all to become a standup comic? No. -- Jason Alexander
The podcast movement was really a creative survival mechanism for standup comics. -- Chris Hardwick
I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at. -- Norm MacDonald
I come to Maui and go surfing, standup paddling, slacklining, swimming, and free-diving. -- Julia Mancuso
I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. -- Judy Gold
I was a standup comedian, which is kind of like writing and directing yourself. -- Paul Feig
I admire Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly a lot because I think they're standup guys. -- Bernard Goldberg
I'm a singer and performer in a hybrid show that's standup, music and audience participation. -- Jason Alexander
I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup. -- Dane Cook
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.' -- Zach Galifianakis
The most memorable performance was my appearance in concert in Carnegie Hall. The first standup to do so. -- Shelley Berman
People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning. -- Bill Maher
I started doing standup when I was in college, and I would incorporate a lot of characters into my act. -- Roger Craig Smith
Unlike 'Deal or No Deal,' which is for the entire family, my standup is not for the entire family. -- Howie Mandel
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures. -- J. B. Smoove
For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place. -- J. B. Smoove
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. -- Brian Regan
I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this. -- Julia Sweeney
I follow K-1 closely and also train Ray Sefo. My heart is with K-1 and I love the sport of standup kickboxing. -- Shawn Tompkins
When you improvise, you work off the laughs from the audience, but when you step on stage to do standup, it's silent. -- Aubrey Plaza
In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo. -- Louis C. K.
As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year. -- Elayne Boosler
I think that standup has always been an acquired taste and there was always only a handful of performers that were really inspired. -- Marc Maron
My standup persona is like I'll heighten things, but I'm observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state. -- John Mulaney
I think as a standup performer you have to feel the audience. So the audience kind of dictates what they get, you know? -- Pauly Shore
I think as a standup performer you have to feel the audience. So the audience kind of dictates what they get, you know?" -- Pauly Shore
When you're a standup comic, you get up and you try stuff, and you're always kind of seeing how far you can push things. -- Aasif Mandvi
If I'm a game show host, will someone buy a ticket to see me do standup? To do a dramatic role in a movie? -- Howie Mandel
I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg. -- Dick Cavett
When I go into schools to speak, I am not giving a speech - it's really a one-man show. I call it 'didactic standup.' -- Bruce Coville
I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with. -- Joe Rogan
Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act. -- Brian Posehn
I'm a comedy geek so anything comedy related, whether that's standup shows, improv shows, I'm all over that. That's my favorite way to be entertained always. -- Rashida Jones
I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of the challenge is being creative and making it work no matter what the constraints. -- Greg Fitzsimmons
I tell the stories in front of audiences and wait for something to happen. It's similar to a standup comic doing his schtick for an audience. -- Robert Munsch
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things that are creative. -- Brian Regan
Other kids would sneak out of the house to go to parties and do untoward things. I was sneaking out to do standup downtown. It paid off. -- Hal Sparks
My wife and I take what we call our Friday comedy day off. We watch standup comics on TV. The raunchier the better. We love Eddie Izzard. -- Gene Hackman
You used to have to beg and be the busboy to do standup. I got on Community because people saw my videos on YouTube, which were free. -- Donald Glover
I will stay in the car until the last minute that I'm going to jump out and do a standup or jump out and do some interviews. -- Martha Raddatz
If you like standup and decide that it's overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show. -- Adam DeVine
People don't realize, or maybe they've forgotten, that there was a time in history when standup comedy wasn't something that you had to hide your kids' ears from. -- Brad Stine
If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly. -- Noel Fielding
My mom ending up passing away, and I got really depressed and didn't have money for therapy, and so I started doing standup to cope with my mom's death. -- Cristela Alonzo
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school. -- Jeff Foxworthy
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I love doing different things where, for a little while, I can focus on standup then sketch writing, then performing, then directing a video. That, to me, is stimulating. -- Kyle Dunnigan
I do love standup. I love comedians. They're my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do. -- Louis C. K.
When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.' -- Denis Leary
It may have lost its special-ness forever and the clubs might not being doing well but I think standup is in the best shape it has been in a long time. -- Marc Maron
Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward. -- Jon Stewart
I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-'60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn't the night before. -- Dick Cavett
In your search for a rich or wealthy man to complete you, standup to the challenges of deserving a right man, and what you will have in the end is a well-rounded partner. -- Darmie Orem
People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they're brilliant at writing jokes, and I'm not. -- Nick Offerman
I get stage fright with short stories. For me it feels like standup comedy: kill or die. I'm more confident when I begin a novel because I know I have space to fail. -- Sefi Atta
I started out with comedy in college, but had my major in Recreation Administration - which meant I wasn't going to get a real job - so I started doing a little standup. -- Carlos Alazraqui
I have fun doing movies, I've had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it's just me talking, it's also interaction with the crowd. -- Bill Burr
It [live performance] is just very difficult. Doing an hour, hour and a half of live standup is an endurance test. You almost have to do it every day to stay up on it. -- Steve Martin
I don't have the desire to be the best standup in the UK but I do have the desire to be the best at everything else I do in terms of writing and acting. -- Doc Brown
I'd like to go back to standup. I don't like to think I've done my last gig. At the moment it terrifies me, I get really nervous. It's a great buzz when it goes well. -- Mackenzie Crook

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