Brian Posehn quotes:

I've played D&D for years. I'm a comic book guy. Comic-Con in San Diego is nerd Christmas for me.

Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.

I've written for the last 15 years on TV shows, but now I'm doing the new Charlie Sheen program, 'Anger Management.'

I'm doing a pilot for Comedy Central with the band Steel Panther. They're faux heavy metal. They started as kind of a tribute band out here, or a cover band, and they're funny guys, and they just sort of morphed into their own thing.

You don't hear Metallica complaining about Pearl Jam.

I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was 'Detroit Rock City.' I heard it in the school library, where I lived.

I love writing. It's one of my favorite jobs. Of the things I get to do, I love sitting in a room and coming up with ideas, and I love going home and pounding them out.

Turns out, there's not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet.

I was such a weird kid. The really hardcore stuff like Venom - I was totally aware of them, and I listened to some of it - but they actually frightened me.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

I think too much during my day-to-day life; I'm the guy who worries about everything.

Grew up in a small town where there was only one crazy guy. He didn't even go insane doing anything good, like going to 'Nam or having an extended acid trip. Turns out - legend has it - he just had some bad cheese.

I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was Detroit Rock City. I heard it in the school library, where I lived.

I don't know if I was a poseur - I really did love metal, always - but I gave a lot of other things a chance. I wanted to meet, um, girls, so I would check out 'Depeche Mode.'

I love to visit the comic shops, and I don't want to call myself a 'foodie,' because that word is just stupid, but I love diner food, and I'm a hardcore fan of 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.'

One thing about writing 'The Sarah Silverman Program' was the concern that I don't give myself the best story, you know what I mean?

I don't exactly fit well in leather pants, so I don't rock that look. I lost my hair a long time ago, so no hair-metal look, either. I had hair down to my belly button at one point, but I think that was the '90s.

It's weird, but Scion is kind of cool. I couldn't drive one because I'd look like one of those McDonald's Happy Meal toys with giant heads sticking out the window.

If I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, a pretty lady, I'll yell, 'Homo!' She can't get pissed, and I still get the pleasure of yelling at her.

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into that job, I wanted nothing to do with it.

My friends are trying to get me to go out on blind dates. Big 'NO' to that because all my friends are a bunch of lying geeks. They're always like, 'Brian, you're really gonna dig this girl. She's got Traci Lords' eyes, Michelle Pfeiffer's nose, Kim Basinger's lips.' Yeah, they always forget to tell me she's also got Charlie Brown's head.

Just got a new car - got a little Miata convertible. Pretty happy about it, except for one thing: I'm 6-foot-6, so now I look like a McDonald's toy.

I had seen other comic friends of mine go to indie labels. Like David Cross and Pat Oswald went to Subpop, and Subpop didn't make total sense for me, but the metal version of that did. So I made a small list with Metal Blade, Prosthetic and couple of other labels, and Relapse was one of them.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

What I think makes people nerds is just being obsessive. I think that's what nerdiness really is - its people who don't just passively like something, they get passionate about whatever they like.

I've always hated the term 'alternative'; I only use it because when I say it, people know what I'm talking about. I always thought it was weird when guys like myself or Patton Oswalt or Dana Gould, these older guys, were called 'alternative' comedy.

I just felt like I'd rather listen to even the worst metal song more than most current pop music.

In D&D, I love playing the first guy through the door - the guy with the battle-axe. 'Where are the bad guys? Just point me at 'em!'

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

There's a roller derby girl that goes by that name, 'Nerd Rage,' and she named herself after my album.

I wasn't even aware that there are different styles of taxidermy, traditional and rogue. I wound up really liking the rogue stuff the most, just because it is more artistic and people can go anywhere with it. That stuff I really liked. Honestly, I would have liked to buy some of those pieces.

Nerd rage to me is kind of just empty rage. I mean, ultimately, you're not going to do it; you're not going to fight somebody, you know.

I have tried to be more relatable, but I won't be relatable to everybody.

I really hate Nicki Minaj, but I don't know why I hate her. I just hate her face, you know? So I went and just looked at some Nicki Minaj videos so I would have a leg to stand on if I ever met someone who liked her.

I'm not that smart, and I don't read things.

I've always been really good at staying busy. Even while I'm working, I'm looking at what the next thing is.

We had our family tree done... turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

I don't know if I was a poseur - I really did love metal, always - but I gave a lot of other things a chance. I wanted to meet, um, girls, so I would check out Depeche Mode. But mostly I wanted stuff with pentagrams and crowns of thorns on it.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

I love metal songs about metal. That's one of my favorite things. Nobody does that any more. Nobody sings about how metal they are, or about their fans, or about how crazy their pits are.

Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong.

When I'm late it matters, but when everybody else is late it doesn't matter... If that's the rule then just write it down and then I know, you know... I'll read it and I'll write it down on my balls. Right here. Right here on the back of my balls is where I'll write it. On the very back. I'll just lift them and write it nicely.

Whenever you see riot footage on TV - you know, someone throwing a brick in Pakistan or somebody throwing a fiery piece of pooh through a Starbucks window up in Seattle - you ever see anybody throwing anything underhand? I think it just takes all the aggression out of the act.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

Always been a big heavy metal fan. I remember being 15 saying, Dude I'm going to love heavy metal forever. Heavy metal til I'm 60. I'm 35 now. I think I'm going to give it one more year.

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

Once I could drive, I spent all my time in the city going to metal shows. I missed the first couple of Metallica shows because I was lame. By the time I got into them, they were playing places like the Kabuki.

Turns out, theres not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet.