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Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip. -- Gary Allan
A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus. -- Herbert Hoover
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. -- George Carlin
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. -- Steven Wright
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will? -- Jon Bon Jovi
Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. -- Samuel Butler
Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus. -- Francis Pharcellus Church
All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes. -- Maud Lindsay
God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat. -- H. L. Mencken
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. -- Dennis Miller
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. -- Matt Groening
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. -- Dick Gregory
OK, I admit it. I was just a front-man for the real fathers of Linux, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. -- Linus Torvalds
You better watch out You better not cry Better not pout I'm telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town -- Maud Lindsay
Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus! -- Louis Sachar
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? -- Arlo Guthrie
Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it. -- Richard Lamm
If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus. -- Jack Handey
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. -- W. C. Fields
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money? -- Tom Armstrong
Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. -- H. L. Mencken
No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace, is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas. -- Al Smith
I usually like to throw on some flip flops and go to a really nice lunch in Venice, or Santa Monica, or stay in and cook dinner. -- Ben Savage
With big folks, either people think you look mean or it's more of a jolly Santa Claus, 'Oh, he's just a pudgy little teddy bear pillow.' -- The Notorious B.I.G.
What is the real purpose behind the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus? They seem like greater steps toward faith and imagination, each with a payoff. Like cognitive training exercises. -- Chuck Palahniuk
I think we have to believe in things we don't see. That's really important for all of us, whether it's your religion or Santa Claus, or whatever. That's pretty much what it's about. -- James Caan
Santa is our culture's only mythic figure truly believed in by a large percentage of the population. It's a fact that most of the true believers are under eight years old, and that's a pity. -- Chris Van Allsburg
We have domesticated God's transcendence. We often learn about God at about the same time as we are learning about Santa Claus; but our ideas about Santa Claus change, mature and become more nuanced, whereas our ideas of God can remain at a rather infantile level. -- Karen Armstrong
The first sort of big present I remember getting from Santa Claus was quite a small telescope that I remember going into our backyard with my parents and figuring out how to assemble, and staring at the night sky, just for hours, with both of my parents. -- Chelsea Clinton
I think the true test of a pop song, for me, and I've talked to a lot of other writers about this, is you take your demo, you pop it in your car and you drive down Sunset Blvd. to Santa Monica, and that's the Hollywood car test. -- Ryan Tedder
I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful. -- Julie Burchill
When I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real, I wasn't upset; rather, I was relieved that there was a much simpler phenomenon to explain how so many children all over the world got presents on the same night! The story had been getting pretty complicated -- it was getting out of hand. -- Richard P. Feynman
The Santa Claus principle liquidates itself. -- Ludwig von Mises
Jesus is Santa Claus for Adults -- Christopher Hitchens
By the way, Santa just is white. -- Megyn Kelly
Kids believe in Santa; adults believe in childhood. -- Cate Kennedy
Please be informed, there is a Santa Claus. -- Jim Lovell
I felt like I had just double-tapped Santa. -- Jim Butcher
I keep three hoes, But don't'call me Santa -- Nicki Minaj
The real Santa Claus is at the mall. -- Daniel Handler
Maybe Santa Claus is real. Here's the problem: reality. -- David Remnick
It's like giving up a belief in Santa Claus. -- Burton Malkiel
I joined the board of the Santa Fe Institute. -- Esther Dyson
I'm Santa Claus to these hoes without a reindeer. -- Nicki Minaj
Grown ups don't believe in Santa Claus. They vote. -- Pierre Desproges
I'm not going to make a present of Santa. -- Sam Allardyce
I felt like a kid at Santa Claus's funeral. -- David Gerrold
I stand with the Santa Barbara News-Press. How about you? -- Michelle Malkin
Not everyone who sells Christmas trees believes in Santa Claus. -- Matt Barr
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I feel warm and reassured," I whispered. "He's like Santa. -- Maureen Johnson
What about Santa's cookies? I suppose 'parents' eat those, too? -- Will Ferrell
What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for? -- Salman Rushdie
Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus. -- Annie Dillard
I'm the only one who still believes in Santa Claus! -- Edith Piaf
For the most part, people use God as Santa Claus. -- Rickie Lee Jones
I don't really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus! -- Courtney Love
I'm going to North Pole to help out Santa this year. -- Jimmy Fallon
I seriously doubt that the Santa police do an underwear check." -Cora -- Sarah Dessen
I live in Santa Cruz. I moved here in 1974 and couldn't leave. -- Ellen Bass
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates. -- Jon Stewart
Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus! Right down Santa Claus Lane! -- Gene Autry
Once you stop believing in Santa Claus, the whole world just goes downhill. -- Tom Clancy
Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa. -- Jim Jefferies
More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good. -- Linda Sunshine
The awkward moment when Santa accidentally leaves the price tag on your present. -- Eddy Sims
I wasn't Santa in Santa Jr., but I was Santa in Cancel Christmas. -- Judd Nelson
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! -- Francis Pharcellus Church
I use to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tom Cruise too. -- Barbara Bretton
Work takes me away from my wife, Sue, and my life in Santa Barbara. -- Jeff Bridges
I got to play Santa, too. It's really important to play Santa, you know. -- Judd Nelson
I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person. -- Trey Parker
I'm trying to get far away from [picturing God as] Gandalf or Santa Claus. -- William P. Young
It's called the Santa Claus effect; the holiday period is traditionally a strong cycle. -- Andrew Barrett
This Christmas, every Christmas, Santa Claus is everywhere and Jesus is nowhere to be found. -- Paul Park
Besides, the mhis that surrounded the compound could scramble anything from GPS to Santa Claus. -- J.R. Ward
Those North Korean hackers are at it again. Earlier today they leaked Santa's naughty list. -- David Letterman
If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves. -- Ted Strickland
Rumors that the sun is out at Santa Ynez are without foundation," the radio said. -- John Brunner
A man of fifty looks as old as Santa Claus to a girl of twenty. -- William Feather
In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins? -- Rush Limbaugh
The greatest thing is not to believe in Santa Claus; it is to be Santa Claus. -- Pat Boone
I was probably nine or ten the first time I heard there was no Santa Claus. -- Joe Nichols
I split my time between Santa Barbara and Aspen. I live on a pretty fast horse. -- Kevin Costner
Santa cAme early this year! good things come to those who wait! â¤ #rebelheart -- Madonna Ciccone
I was born in Santa Monica but brought up abroad so I don't use English much. -- Geraldine Chaplin
Dolph Ziggler reminds me of Santa; everywhere he goes he brings an old bag with him. -- Jerry Lawler
When I go home to Santa Cruz, I'm the same girl as when I grew up. -- Marisa Miller
Most of the holiday movies I enjoy, like 'It's a Wonderful Life,' don't really involve Santa. -- George Wendt
I'm from Santa Cruz in Northern California, and the 49ers were my dad and I's bonding time. -- Marisa Miller
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap. -- Jeff Foxworthy
I keep 3 hos but don't call me Santa And I'm and I'm flyer than reindeers in winter -- Nicki Minaj
Because I am still a little girl who believes in Santa and the tooth fairy and you. -- Laurie Halse Anderson
Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo. -- Emo Philips
I never saw a department store Santa as a kid. My mother was afraid to take me. -- Terry Zwigoff
We're not mad at God, just like atheists don't hate Santa or Unicorns, they're just not there! -- Hemant Mehta
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist. -- Francis Pharcellus Church
So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear. -- Jeff Kinney
In the years since his murder, we have transformed King into a kind of innocuous black Santa Claus. -- Timothy B. Tyson
Like kids who only ever get socks for Christmas, but still believe with all their hearts in Santa. -- Barbara Kingsolver
If the Pilgrims had landed in Santa Monica Bay rather than Boston, we'd have six states out here! -- Kevin Starr
Santa Fe is a great place which people don't get there often, but it's like a unique place. -- Mick Ralphs
God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time. -- Bil Keane
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket. -- Henny Youngman
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me ! -- Rodney Dangerfield
Unwisely, Santa offered a teddy bear to James, unaware he had been mauled by a grizzly earlier this year. -- Tim Burton
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide. -- Phyllis Diller
I had always heard of Bad Santa one but I hadn't seen it, but it was sort of legendary. -- Christina Hendricks
A born terror, a rebel without a pause... Ain't never had a good Christmas, so who is Santa Claus? -- Shyheim
No, there are some location shoots in Vegas, maybe four trips a year. It's shot in Santa Clarita, CA. -- George Eads
When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa. -- Jon Stewart
The only thing wrong with the U.S. economy is the failure of the Republican Party to play Santa Claus, -- Jude Wanniski
The title of that great Christmas song was 'Boogie Woogie Santa Claus,' and no one ever heard of it. -- Patti Page
I just discovered the Santa Monica flea market, every Sunday. I go weekly. There's a lot of interesting things there. -- April Bowlby
I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area. -- Denis Leary
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Have you ever wanted to put on a Santa suit?" "I have always wanted to do that," said Carter gravely. -- Richelle Mead
Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That's why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig. -- Neil deGrasse Tyson

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