Bathroom quotes:

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Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is. -- Billy Carter
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. -- Catherine Zeta-Jones
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. -- Arthur C. Clarke
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. -- Billy Wilder
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. -- George Carlin
I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. My mother or a social worker always went with me. -- Natalie Wood
In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop. -- Robert Benchley
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. -- Bob Hope
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. -- Erma Bombeck
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. -- Erma Bombeck
If I want to be alone, some place I can write, I can read, I can pray, I can cry, I can do whatever I want - I go to the bathroom. -- Alicia Keys
Sometimes the beauty is easy. Sometimes you don't have to try at all. Sometimes you can hear the wind blow in a handshake. Sometimes there's poetry written right on the bathroom wall. -- Ani DiFranco
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. -- Candice Bergen
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. -- George V
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. -- George V
I started singing in the bathroom, ... Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. -- Rod Stewart
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. -- Ani DiFranco
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. -- Richard M. Nixon
Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way. -- Dave Barry
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. -- Rita Rudner
As for the British churchman, he goes to church as he goes to the bathroom, with the minimum of fuss and no explanation if he can help it. -- Ronald Blythe
I can't live without my beauty products. I love to be in my bathroom with my candles lit, morning, noon and night. I like taking hot baths and hot showers, using my body scrubs and lotions. -- Traci Bingham
Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that's happened to us? -- Tom Coburn
I'm definitely a messy person... I know where everything is but I just can't organize. I don't make lists and find scripts on the laundry machine, and under my bed, or in the bathroom, kitchen. It's bad, I really need to take control. -- Katie Holmes
A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station. -- Bill Cosby
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. -- Leah Remini
We had a one bedroom, one bathroom, one closet apartment with four girls. -- Connie Sellecca
I had a hard time with bullying. I ate lunch in the bathroom. -- Julianne Hough
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. -- Ken Marino
Every time someone uses a bathroom and they flush, all the bacteria is shot into the air. -- Megan Fox
I've been singing Shakira songs in front of my bathroom mirror into my hairbrush forever. It's like a daily routine. -- Taylor Swift
As a kid, I'd go into the bathroom when I was having a tantrum. I'd be in the bathroom crying, studying myself in the mirror. I was preparing for future roles. -- Adam Sandler
I don't remember my parents together, ever: my father was much older, and really only interested in collecting magazines and bathroom suites; we were the only family in the area to have a bathroom suite on the lawn. -- Paula Yates
What I remember about that experience is that if you went to go see ' Born On The Fourth Of July' and you happened to take a bathroom break real quick or grab some popcorn, you probably missed me. It was short, but it was memorable. -- Vivica A. Fox
There's something of everything in my bathroom. -- Celine Dion
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate. -- Margaret Mead
The bathroom scale knows nothing of extenuating circumstances. -- Mason Cooley
I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart. -- Johnny Cash
I got beat up sometimes in the girls' bathroom. -- Becky G
All I'm thinking about today is cleaning my bathroom. -- Linda Fiorentino
Going to the bathroom is not a spectator sport -- Doug Wilson
Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom? -- Amy Schumer
(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom. -- Larry Craig
Unprotected sex just feels better in a Waffle House bathroom. -- Steven Spielberg
Everybody knows that only creeps put cameras in the bathroom. -- Tucker Carlson
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. -- Amit Bhatia
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women -- Leah Remini
I'm a leave-the-bathroom-door-open nudist, which is sometimes disconcerting for my friends. -- Alanis Morissette
Marriage is two people in love standing in the same bathroom -- Austin Kleon
Advertising is what happens on TV when people go to bathroom. -- Luke Sullivan
The paperless society is about as plausible as the paperless bathroom. -- Jesse Shera
I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. -- Taylor Swift
But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky. -- Chelsea Handler
I do some of my best reading while seated in the bathroom. -- Dave Barry
Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. -- Woody Allen
Birth dates and bathroom scales tell more truth than I want to know. -- Mason Cooley
At Disneyland, you never go backstage - even when youre in the bathroom. -- Hideo Kojima
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. -- Rod Stewart
Never pass up the chance to sit down or go to the bathroom. -- Winston Churchill
At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. -- Hideo Kojima
Always go to the bathroom before you â??goâ?? to the bathroom. -- Craig Benzine
I have got five minutes, some whip-its, and the key to the executive bathroom. -- Monica Denise Brown
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. -- Ronnie Spector
Love is something that hangs up behind the bathroom door and smells of Lysol. -- Ernest Hemingway
A bathroom should be sterile and beautiful and functional. It should exude Japanese-style purity. -- Isaac Mizrahi
...his lazy eye drifting around the room like a child looking for the bathroom. -- Chuck Klosterman
For anyone who has ever stood before a bathroom mirror and secretly thanked The -- Bonnie Fuller
You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight. -- Jeff Foxworthy
EVE:so thats the bathroom where shane spends houres doing his hair shane:bite me -- Rachel Caine
Jesus, you've got a death wish." "Right now I have a bathroom-and-sleep-somewhere safe wish, kid. -- Lilith Saintcrow
And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate. -- Dodie Smith
Everybody needs a seashell in her bathroom to remind her the ocean is her home. -- Sue Monk Kidd
Hamlet at 70: "To sleep, perchance to dream. To awaken, perchance to go to the bathroom." -- Robert Breault
The mother- poor invaded soul- finds even the bathroom door no bar to hammering little hands. -- Charlotte Perkins Gilman
I've never turned blue in someone else's bathroom. I consider that the height of bad manners. -- Keith Richards
Through the small tall bathroom window the December yard is gray and scratchy, the tree calligraphic. -- Dave Eggers
After about 25 fights you don't always have to keep going to the bathroom before the fight. -- Lennox Lewis
Repeat: Sharing the kids bathroom while my master bath gets renovated is family bonding. So fun. -- Jillian Barberie
Love dries up, I thought as I walked back to the bathroom, even faster than sperm. -- Charles Bukowski
I actually called a touchdown on national TV in the NFL while going to the bathroom. -- Joe Buck
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. -- Kiefer Sutherland
I crawled in the bathroom, looked in the mirror and saw the devil. It was me. -- Larry Gatlin
I do not think it is appropriate for teenage boys and girls to share the same bathroom. -- Dan Forest
Sometimes when we're flying or in the hotel, I might run over songs, or in the bathroom. -- Ella Fitzgerald
Kitten, when did you get so tall? (Ravyn) I grew while you were in the bathroom. (Erika) -- Sherrilyn Kenyon
I kind of have to go to the bathroom," Aria said woozily. Ezra smiled. "Can I come? -- Sara Shepard
In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example. -- Richard Jeni
A father is someone who can't get on the phone, in the bathroom or out of debt. -- John Walter Bratton
There was a slight rapping at my bathroom doorAre you alright in there?No. I respondedI'm drowning. -- Khalia Hades
As a general guideline, never marry anyone that you can't picture helping you go to the bathroom. -- Robert Breault
If I had to pick one artist to tile my bathroom I would go with MC Escher. -- Demetri Martin
I'm still trying to defog the bathroom mirror to see the dream for what it clearly is. -- From A Wildflower
I completely bombed the audition... I was insecure, stopping and starting. I went to the bathroom and cried. -- Lake Bell
Use only things you find around the bathroom to create something. Extra credit: make it in the bathroom! -- Noah Scalin
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. -- Karen Russell
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard. -- Jeff Foxworthy
People forget that public people and celebrities, they too have to go to the bathroom and get divorced. -- John Densmore
They gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week, and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom. -- Robin Ince
Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner! -- Red Buttons
I don't like to go out to clubs, because I find myself seeing remnants of drugs in the bathroom. -- Demi Lovato
Asked for your opinion on the prints, you have two choices: truth or tact. I ask for the bathroom. -- Bill Jay
Acting is like painting pictures on bathroom tissues. Ten minutes later you throw them away and they are gone. -- Shelley Winters
In the cafe bathroom drinking free tap water Thinking; "Damn, I should've been a better father to my daughter" -- Slug
Dead folks use plastic! When in doubt, throw it out! Please use the bathroom appointed for your gender and mortality! -- Lia Habel
It is easier for me to take ten good pictures in an airplane bathroom than in the gardens at Versailles. -- Sally Mann
Why had Jesse asked Scarlett to sit next to him? And since when did guys go to the bathroom together? -- Lauren Conrad
I see all. I hear all. I know all. And I spend a great deal of time in the bathroom. -- Harlan Ellison
I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass. -- Dave Attell
Fang (sarcasticaly): Go pick out a tree and I'll carve our initials in it. Max: (screams and goes in the bathroom) -- James Patterson
At the premieres, I always watch the audience. If a child asks to go to the bathroom, I know I've failed. -- Gian Carlo Menotti
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall? -- Jerry Seinfeld
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor, -- Joan Rivers
I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons. -- Judy Gold
Your wallet will be stolen, you'll get fat, slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel and crack your hip. -- Ellen Bass
[T]here is an inverse correlation between the cleanliness of a bathroom and my 3-year-old daughter's need to move her bowels. -- Ayelet Waldman
I'm no interior decorator, but just I have a feeling that plastic plants in the bathroom... probably not a good idea. -- Kyan Douglas
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. -- Eoin Colfer
Burnett fidgeted. She had never seen Burnett like this. He looked like a kid who needed to go to the bathroom. -- C.C. Hunter
But I've swallowed my pride before, that's for sure. I'm practically lined with my mistakes on the inside like a bad-wallpapered bathroom. -- Barbara Kingsolver
Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarrassed to say so. -- Dorothy Parker

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