Craig Benzine quotes:

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Theres nothing to fear but fears themselves, such as monsters, rejection, food poisoning, redundancy, monsters, and oxford commas.

Nature is a porno. Deal with it.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Options are good. Keeps people choosing.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.

The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!

Always go to the bathroom before you â??goâ?? to the bathroom.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothingâ?¦ and that's a great way to lose weight.

Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.

Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.

The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.

It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.

Everything is optional. Somethings are illegal. And some things are really gross.

I love it when the coffee's done!

Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.

Are imperfections is which make we grate.

People alive are better than people not alive.

I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.

If you're gonna lob something, lob love.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.