Santa Claus quotes:

Send

Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. -- Samuel Butler
A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus. -- Herbert Hoover
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. -- Steven Wright
Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. -- H. L. Mencken
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. -- Dick Gregory
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you'd stay up until three in the morning. You'd hear the parents wrapping in the other room but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus. -- Chris Pine
Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus. -- Francis Pharcellus Church
All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes. -- Maud Lindsay
For the most part, people use God as Santa Claus. -- Rickie Lee Jones
God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat. -- H. L. Mencken
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! -- Francis Pharcellus Church
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist. -- Francis Pharcellus Church
You better watch out You better not cry Better not pout I'm telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town -- Maud Lindsay
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. -- Bob Phillips
A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset. -- James Gould Cozzens
Everyone thinks of God as a man - you can't help it - Santa Claus was a man, therefore God has to be a man. -- Patti Smith
If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus. -- Jack Handey
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. -- Francis Pharcellus Church
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. -- W. C. Fields
You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain. -- David Letterman
I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person. -- Trey Parker
No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace, is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas. -- Al Smith
With big folks, either people think you look mean or it's more of a jolly Santa Claus, 'Oh, he's just a pudgy little teddy bear pillow.' -- The Notorious B.I.G.
What is the real purpose behind the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus? They seem like greater steps toward faith and imagination, each with a payoff. Like cognitive training exercises. -- Chuck Palahniuk
I think we have to believe in things we don't see. That's really important for all of us, whether it's your religion or Santa Claus, or whatever. That's pretty much what it's about. -- James Caan
Obama's gonna play Santa Claus with the minimum wage. He's got no successes to brag about. He cannot talk about a robust job market. In fact, the very fact he's talking about the minimum wage is evidence there is no robust job market. -- Rush Limbaugh
We have domesticated God's transcendence. We often learn about God at about the same time as we are learning about Santa Claus; but our ideas about Santa Claus change, mature and become more nuanced, whereas our ideas of God can remain at a rather infantile level. -- Karen Armstrong
The Grateful Dead were very kind. It was Santa Claus. It did good things. It allowed other people to benefit. The benefits that we played were enormous, and we played free. So you've got a band that loves to play free, and that was a wonderful thing. -- Mickey Hart
The first sort of big present I remember getting from Santa Claus was quite a small telescope that I remember going into our backyard with my parents and figuring out how to assemble, and staring at the night sky, just for hours, with both of my parents. -- Chelsea Clinton
The idea of God as a fatherly figure who looks down on us and worries about how we're doing or takes sides when we have fights - it's more irritating than Santa Claus. The world and the universe are far more wonderful if there's not a puppet master. -- Dave Matthews
I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful. -- Julie Burchill
When I was 21 years old, I had a job playing Santa Claus in a shopping centre in Sacramento. I was rail thin, so it's not like I was a traditional Santa Claus even then. I had a square stomach; that was the shape of the sofa cushion that I had stuffed into my pants. -- Tom Hanks
I'm concerned about my daughter because she will not believe in Santa Claus. No matter what I say to her, she just doesn't buy it, and she's 2. I refuse to give it up. I say, 'There is a Santa Claus,' and she says, 'Okay, Mommy. In pretend world, right?' She really doesn't believe. -- Salma Hayek
No matter what, I always make it home for Christmas. I love to go to my Tennessee Mountain Home and invite all of my nieces and nephews and their spouses and kids and do what we all like to do - eat, laugh, trade presents and just enjoy each other... and sometimes I even dress up like Santa Claus! -- Dolly Parton
At the heart of every really good Christmas movie is the threat, I suppose, to Christmas. Something is wrong with Christmas, in all of these movies. In 'The Polar Express,' there's a kid that doesn't really believe, and that's the threat to Christmas. In 'Santa Claus: The Movie,' jealousy and greed are threatening to overrun his Christmas. -- James McAvoy
I think we've taken the meaning of Christmas out. People don't stop and think about Jesus or the birth of Jesus. When they think of Christmas, they think of Santa Claus and - for the children, and they think of giving gifts and out-giving the next person of spending their time looking for the right thing for somebody who has everything. -- Billy Graham
I had this grand idea that Elvira's kind of the Santa Claus of Halloween - at the malls, you'd have an Elvira there. Girls would dress as Elvira just like guys dress as Santa Claus, and it's not the real thing, but they'll pose for pictures, sign autographs. Of course, I couldn't go around to every mall, so we'd have to get more Elviras. -- Cassandra Peterson
Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip. -- Gary Allan
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. -- George Carlin
The Santa Claus principle liquidates itself. -- Ludwig von Mises
Jesus is Santa Claus for Adults -- Christopher Hitchens
The real Santa Claus is at the mall. -- Daniel Handler
Please be informed, there is a Santa Claus. -- Jim Lovell
It's like giving up a belief in Santa Claus. -- Burton Malkiel
I'm Santa Claus to these hoes without a reindeer. -- Nicki Minaj
Grown ups don't believe in Santa Claus. They vote. -- Pierre Desproges
I felt like a kid at Santa Claus's funeral. -- David Gerrold
Maybe Santa Claus is real. Here's the problem: reality. -- David Remnick
Not everyone who sells Christmas trees believes in Santa Claus. -- Matt Barr
I'm the only one who still believes in Santa Claus! -- Edith Piaf
Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus. -- Annie Dillard
I don't really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus! -- Courtney Love
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates. -- Jon Stewart
Once you stop believing in Santa Claus, the whole world just goes downhill. -- Tom Clancy
More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good. -- Linda Sunshine
Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus! Right down Santa Claus Lane! -- Gene Autry
It's called the Santa Claus effect; the holiday period is traditionally a strong cycle. -- Andrew Barrett
I use to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tom Cruise too. -- Barbara Bretton
I'm trying to get far away from [picturing God as] Gandalf or Santa Claus. -- William P. Young
In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins? -- Rush Limbaugh
If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves. -- Ted Strickland
A man of fifty looks as old as Santa Claus to a girl of twenty. -- William Feather
This Christmas, every Christmas, Santa Claus is everywhere and Jesus is nowhere to be found. -- Paul Park
Besides, the mhis that surrounded the compound could scramble anything from GPS to Santa Claus. -- J.R. Ward
I was probably nine or ten the first time I heard there was no Santa Claus. -- Joe Nichols
The greatest thing is not to believe in Santa Claus; it is to be Santa Claus. -- Pat Boone
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap. -- Jeff Foxworthy
In the years since his murder, we have transformed King into a kind of innocuous black Santa Claus. -- Timothy B. Tyson
God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time. -- Bil Keane
A born terror, a rebel without a pause... Ain't never had a good Christmas, so who is Santa Claus? -- Shyheim
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket. -- Henny Youngman
The title of that great Christmas song was 'Boogie Woogie Santa Claus,' and no one ever heard of it. -- Patti Page
The only thing wrong with the U.S. economy is the failure of the Republican Party to play Santa Claus, -- Jude Wanniski
OK, I admit it. I was just a front-man for the real fathers of Linux, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. -- Linus Torvalds
For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling. -- Doug Larson
Harry Potter's like Santa Clause: something you can't see but wish was real so badly that you end up believing in it. -- Emma Watson
I thought you were all-seeing.â? All-knowing, not all-seeing!â? he snapped. â??Iâ??m a God, not Santa Claus! -- Kelley Armstrong
Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide. -- Milton Berle
One of the things I had a hard time getting used to when I came to California in '78 was Santa Claus in shorts. -- Dennis Franz
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus. Unfortunately, so did my parents. So I never got anything. -- Charlie Viracola
Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. -- Scott Dikkers
Grandmother's knee is a wonderful place to learn about the Bible, ghosts, and even Santa Claus, but a mighty poor place to learn about history. -- L.B. Taylor Jr.
The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is. -- Jim Cornette
I was Santa Claus in first year of primary school, our elementarys school play, because I had most panache, that was probably why. I was 5. -- James Frecheville
Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt. -- Charles M. Schulz
I was Santa Claus in first year of primary school, our elementary's school play, because I had most panache, that was probably why. I was 5. -- James Frecheville
Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus! -- Louis Sachar
Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th. -- Roy Blount, Jr.
No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas. -- Al Smith
Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will? -- Jon Bon Jovi
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass. -- Craig Ferguson
Oh east is east, and west is west,And never the twain shall meet--Until they come to the end of the earth,To Santa Claus' retreat." -- Walter R. Brooks
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show. -- David Letterman
Prayer is not adult letters written to Santa Claus, and God is not some parent-like figure up in the sky who's going to take care of us. -- John Shelby Spong
I didn't grow up in church. I had no concept of God - existence, I - the name Jesus was synonymous with tooth fairy and Santa Claus. -- Paula White
When Tim Allen made The Santa Clause, I thought that was a delightful film. It took a modern sensibility but layered onto it a kind of sentiment. -- Leonard Maltin
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? -- Arlo Guthrie
I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted. -- David Cross
Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit ... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental. -- Julia Sweeney
I was once part of a Christmas cabaret. I sang 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.' I tap-danced. I had a ten-gallon hat. It was quite absurd. -- Peter Dinklage
Look, at some point, people have to tell their kids that Santa Claus isn't real. I hate to be the guy to do it, but it's just not real. -- Floyd Landis
I actually share her view and understand her frustration when any government attempts to ban secular symbols like Santa Claus or Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer or Christmas lights. -- Steve Israel
The reality of loving God is loving him like he's a Superhero who actually saved you from stuff rather than a Santa Claus who merely gave you some stuff. -- Criss Jami
Ronald has had bicycle safety and safety in the home. Yes, Ronald is McDonald's, second most recognised figure after Santa Claus, and there's an element of obviously benefiting your business. -- Jim Cantalupo
Santa Claus has already been here and everything. Want to see what he brought for you?" "Is it a big present?" "Very big." "With a big red bow on it? -- Tina St. John
You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better... Something just a shade more friendly..." "How about 'Dear Fatty'? -- Charles M. Schulz
I wanted to ask a thousand questions, but there was no one to ask. Besides I knew that people only told lies to children-lies about everything from soup to Santa Claus. -- Marilyn Monroe
If you look at Christmas movies, there are certain things in them that lend themselves to a 'Harold & Kumar' movie. In particular, the more out-of-this-world things like Santa Claus and flying reindeer. -- Hayden Schlossberg
Many practitioners think there is some giant balance scale, where someone is keeping track, like Santa Claus, and that will determine your allotment of presents. That's a very exoteric understanding of reincarnation. -- Frederick Lenz
Many practitioners think there is some giant balance scale, where someone is keeping track, like Santa Claus, and that will determine your allotment of presents. That's a very exoteric understanding of reincarnation. -- Frederick Lenz
I tend to think that immortal souls, invisible sky daddies, and Santa Claus all belong in the same basket. The disposition of that basket is left as an exercise for the reader. -- Charles Stross
Do some good to the ghetto, Mr. Kris Kringle. Come and stay awhile, kick it with God's Angels. Take and acknowledge my wisdom and understand That Santa Claus is a black man. -- Keith Murray
The government and its chiefs do not have the powers of the mythical Santa Claus. They cannot spend except by taking out of the pockets of some people for the benefit of others. -- Ludwig von Mises
Well when I was a kid, I asked Santa Claus for some toys. Santa Claus wrote me a letter that he lost his bag. He said he'd get back to me next year. -- Benicio Del Toro
I remember being banned from other houses as a younger child during the winter holiday season; I was the only one who didn't believe in Santa Claus, and I was ruining everyone's Christmas. -- Jami Attenberg
My father managed shopping malls when I was a kid, and my high school job was to dress up in an elf costume and take photos of kids sitting on Santa Claus's lap. -- Karen Duffy
There's been fifty-million people that died since Sharon Tate died and I got everybody in Santa Claus land chasing me, trying to make me feel remorse for one psychotic episode of (Tex) Watson. -- Charles Manson

Send