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The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. -- David Ogilvy
I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or just been one. I certainly liked entertaining people and making jokes, but I don't know necessarily if that's what your child is prone to that you should necessarily put them in a real working industry at six years old. -- Natasha Lyonne
Jokes are grievances. -- Marshall McLuhan
Jokes about butts WORKED. -- Drew Magary
Jokes are unanswerable objections. -- Mason Cooley
Jokes are very curious things psychologically. -- James Callis
Jokes aside, let us turn to serious matters. -- Horace
Jokes are generally honest. Complete solemnity is always dishonest. -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. -- Muhammad Ali
Jokes have to be quite naked to be understood. They have to be quite simple. -- Kurt Vonnegut
Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why. -- Chris Hardwick
Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on. -- Marc Maron
Think your little jokes'll help you on your deathbed?" she jeered. "Jokes? No,no, these are manners," replied Dumbledore. -- J. K. Rowling
Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. -- Frank Muir
You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. -- John Oliver
Even the gods love jokes. -- Plato
A joke's a very serious thing. -- Charles Churchill
A joke is a very serious thing. -- Winston Churchill
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. -- George Orwell
The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow. -- H. G. Wells
The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech. -- Orlando Aloysius Battista
I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one. -- Marilyn Monroe
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. -- George Eliot
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Smith
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter. -- Tahar Ben Jelloun
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. -- Robert Frost
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at. -- Steven Wright
There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind. -- Bo Burnham
As the old joke goes, I have all the sins together. I am a woman, a Socialist, separated and agnostic. -- Michelle Bachelet
The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. -- George Orwell
Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. -- George Orwell
I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way. -- Allan Sloan
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. -- Joan Rivers
I used to joke I was a point-and-click actor. My whole process has been about trusting your instincts and hitting your mark. -- Daniel Radcliffe
I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. -- Paula Deen
I don't want to be with someone boring because I'm always laughing. I like to play jokes on people and be sarcastic. -- Ashley Benson
You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that. -- Abe Burrows
It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes. -- Thomas Aquinas
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. -- Joan Rivers
I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway? -- Tim Duncan
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us. -- Joan Rivers
Evolution has programmed our brains to find two things particularly interesting, and therefore memorable: jokes and sex - and especially, it seems, jokes about sex. -- Joshua Foer
As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making jokes about absolutely everything. -- Joan Rivers
People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart. -- Steve Harvey
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right. -- Steven Wright
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once. -- Mitch Hedberg
A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes. -- Alan Coren
I was a class clown. At 12, I was definitely clowning. I was making all the jokes. But I was smart, so the teachers didn't know what to do with me. -- J. Cole
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant. -- Washington Irving
In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons. -- Will Smith
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do. -- Steven Wright
Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again. -- Chris Rock
When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all. -- Jasper Carrott
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me. -- Steven Wright
The wrong kind of guy to fall in love with is the guy who will let go of the steering wheel as a joke. A guy who finds it amusing to make you uncomfortable, which is more common than you'd think, is someone you want to avoid. -- An Na
With the Tonys it's a little tricky because a lot of the funnier jokes are more insider, so people watching at home may not get a Julie Taymor reference the way that New Yorkers would. So you have to figure out what comedy plays to a large audience and still respect the individuals who are there. -- Neil Patrick Harris
I don't like any one race or look or type of guy. My tastes as far as looks go are very diverse. I like guys with scruffy beards and leather jackets, but I also like a clean-cut 'GQ'-type guy, so my tastes are very ranged among somebody who laughs at my dumb jokes, too. I have plenty of them. -- Sasha Grey
I did a 'Last Comic Standing' audition in 2006, where you're just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a big comedy club, and I remember them cutting me off, asking about my name in the middle of one of my jokes. Yeah, it's just real weird when you're doing stand-up in that type of sterile, unnatural setting. -- Hannibal Buress
You can't build a plot out of jokes. You need tragic relief. And you need to let people know that when a lot of frightened people are running around with edged weaponry, there are deaths. Stupid deaths, usually. I'm not writing 'The A-Team' - if there's a fight going on, people will get hurt. Not letting this happen would be a betrayal. -- Terry Pratchett
If I hadn't been told I was garbage, I wouldn't have learned how to show people I'm talented. And if everyone had always laughed at my jokes, I wouldn't have figured out how to be so funny. If they hadn't told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty. And if they hadn't tried to break me down, I wouldn't know that I'm unbreakable. -- Gabourey Sidibe
I love my lecture tours. I get up onstage. I have my stack of books and a glass of water and a microphone. No podium, no distance between me and the audience, and I just talk to people and get all excited and tell a lot of jokes, and sing some songs, and read from my work and remind people how powerful they are and how beautiful they are. -- Suzan-Lori Parks
I tell very mean jokes. -- Anthony Jeselnik
I prefer sayings over jokes. -- Robert Ballard
Don't make jokes about food. -- David Lean
The wind likes making jokes! -- Mehmet Murat ildan
Fate does not play jokes. -- Gamal Abdel Nasser
A civil servant doesn't make jokes. -- Eugene Ionesco
Round-heads and Wooden-shoes are standing jokes. -- Joseph Addison
All crises, once averted, become jokes. -- Edan Lepucki
God's jokes are the soul's curriculum. -- John Perry Barlow
Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes. -- Natasha Leggero
Most jokes state a bitter truth. -- Larry Gelbart
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I'm really bad at writing jokes. -- Glenn Howerton
I tell the most horrible jokes. -- Emmanuelle Chriqui
My whole life, I've been telling jokes. -- Brad Garrett
Really, I'm pretty laid-back, always cracking jokes. -- Chace Crawford
jokes are used to hide the truth! -- Eric Jerome Dickey
I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. -- Dave Attell
I make jokes. That's what I do. -- Wyatt Cenac
I enjoy life. I always enjoy jokes. -- Ivan Lendl
You can't just yell jokes at people. -- David Cross
Be nice to everyone and tell jokes. -- Gary Busey
You don't make stupid jokes in art. -- Martin Kippenberger
I tell jokes to pay my green fees. -- Bob Hope
Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians. -- Jimmy Wales
Gratuitous fat jokes always hurt, no matter what. -- Josh Peck
Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes. -- Martin Short
I could never sit down and write jokes. -- Louis C. K.
Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress. -- Lil Wayne
I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes. -- Jonathan Winters
I'm not a man who constantly thinks up jokes -- Pope Benedict XVI
Granting our wish is one of Fate's saddest jokes. -- James Russell Lowell
For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies. -- Laurence Sterne
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them! -- Kathy Lette
I'm an environmentalist. Most of my jokes are recycled. -- David Letterman
Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food. -- Felipe Esparza
My favourite things are jokes, friendliness and feeling comfortable. -- Billy Childish
I can't crack jokes because I don't have any. -- Rene Redzepi
I'm a plethora of stolen jokes and kitschy references. -- Nathan Fillion
These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all. -- David Mitchell
I'm not really very funny, I just keep recycling jokes. -- Reese Roper
Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise. -- David Spade
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected. -- Henny Youngman
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. -- Mitch Hedberg
Lincoln loved other people's jokes as much as his own. -- Richard Brookhiser
Mathematics is a collection of cheap tricks and dirty jokes. -- Lipman Bers
My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes. -- Emily Deschanel
It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids. -- Jen Kirkman
You shouldn't make jokes if it makes you so unhappy. -- Lewis Carroll
The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. they had become stories -- Stephen Chbosky
I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it. -- David E. Kelley
I love telling myself jokes. I think I'm a riot. -- Scott Stevens
Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. -- George Eliot
I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them. -- Bob Hope
I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically. -- Sarah Silverman
Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes. -- George Orwell
Whenever I'm sick, my doctor jokes that I have Beiber Fever! -- Justin Bieber
I secrete jokes like the pancreas secretes... whatever the pancreas secretes. -- Marshall Brickman

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