Natasha Leggero quotes:

Pop culture, it's crazy. There's all this violence in video games. In 'Call of Duty,' people are literally just blowing other people up. Hey, let's protect your country from your couch while eating your sandwich.

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

Guys should not be allowed to use the Internet all day long. So sad.

If you look at NBC, two of their most successful shows - '30 Rock' and 'Parks And Rec' - are written by women, produced by women, and I think that's the future. Women are the new men.

My comedy isn't about being attractive - it's about how the bar of dumb seems so low right now, and I desperately want to raise the bar of dumb just a tiny bit.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

When I was 23, I moved to Australia to be with this 43-year-old con artist I fell in love with.

There are some die-hard 'Chelsea Lately' fans, and that's where the majority of my fans come from. Chelsea is really helping make comedy audiences hipper and edgier.

Comedy is just one of the many professions that women are taking over.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

You can always tell an actor by the bored look in their eye whenever someone else is talking.

Coming from the Midwest, I didn't know about stand-up as an art. I just thought stand-up comedians were old men in suits talking about their wives.

The women's movement ruined a permanent vacation.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

I don't think I ever wore pants on 'Reno 911!' and I was on it about five times.

The corporations are shoving just the worst music down everybody's throats, and I think the result of that is that nobody has any taste. They have no bar as to what is good.

There are different types of art, and you just have to follow where things take you. It helps me with my desire to perform live. That's something that a lot of actors and actresses don't get to experience on a regular basis.

Often when you are starting out in comedy, you will find that people will laugh at the things you didn't think were funny. It's important to pay attention also to what people are laughing at when you are just talking in regular conversation. Often that is when you are truly being yourself.

The chasm between rich and poor is becoming larger, and I think it's interesting terrain to talk about and expose.

I do think people are definitely sick of the Kardashians.

My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

Anything you can do to get more people to come to your live shows is good, because that's where you can really do what you do. Everyone's on the same page, and you don't have to win strangers over as much.

I always wanted so much glamour in my life, so I have always been obsessed with class, and from dating a few people who were from old money and a few from new money in my 20s, I just sort of became obsessed with this idea of clueless rich people.

I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.

I have friends who say, 'You just can't understand what it's like to be a mother until you're a mother.'

All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?

Doing TV is great, but TV is for starring on, not for watching.

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

I grew up as a child actress, not a child star. I was an actress - big difference.

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

I was raised Catholic in Rockford, Illinois. But I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore. Oh God, no.

I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

I'm not 'one of the guys.' I don't want to pretend to be one on stage. I'm not going to dress like a guy or carry myself like one.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

In general, comedians are attracted to vice.

In L.A., you tend to see a lot of people do very bizarre things. I love it.

It's a human instinct to be known.

Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.

Lovin this Ghost Ghirls! It was great to get to play a madame not just a boring prostitute.

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

The idea that you're supposed to do everything on your own is absurd. You can't.

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.