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My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. -- Jenny McCarthy
I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke. -- Harold Ramis
At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role. -- Donald Sutherland
Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time. -- Lyndon B. Johnson
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. -- Kurt Vonnegut
If I fail, the film industry writes me off as another statistic. If I succeed, they pay me a million bucks to fly out to Hollywood and fart. -- George A. Romero
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You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart. -- Gary Busey
Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word 'fart' makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there's nothing funnier. -- George Clooney
This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart. -- John Aubrey
She's a warm fart at Christmas. -- Jethro Tull
I fart in your general direction. -- Graham Chapman
We're here on Earth to fart around -- Kurt Vonnegut
I burp, I fart. I'm a real woman. -- Kate Winslet
If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested. -- Prince Philip
Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind -- Mario Puzo
Rock n' roll is for the young idiots, not an old fart like me. -- Al Jourgensen
Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke. -- Katy Perry
I'm a fart in a gale of wind, a humble violet under a cow pat. -- Djuna Barnes
A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts -- Frank Skinner
Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart. -- Mena Suvari
At a certain point, you have to face the fact that you've turned into an old fart. -- Robert Gottlieb
I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. -- James Joyce
[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness. -- Gwyneth Paltrow
I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out. -- Tyler Posey
Bathroom humor, fart, and poo poo humor in movies gets a laugh. It's a pretty easy audience, and that's been around for ages. -- Selma Blair
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. -- Jenny Eclair
Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop. -- Ryan Hansen
What is like a smelly fart, that, although invisible is obvious? One's own faults, that are precisely As obvious as the effort made to hide them. -- 7th Dalai Lama
I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance. -- Fred Durst
Over at the Olivia Pope & Associates set, we're like middle school children. Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around; there's show tunes and fart noises. -- Darby Stanchfield
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. -- Graham Chapman
It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone. -- Terry Pratchett
Cumberbatch - it sounds like a fart in a bath, doesn't it? What a fluffy old name. I can never say it on a Monday morning. When I became an actor, Mum wasn't keen on me keeping it. -- Benedict Cumberbatch
I'm sounding like an old fart talking about how bad advertising is today, but it's true. Advertising sucks. Guys like me and Bob Gage and certainly Bill Bernbach and two or three other guys, we exemplified and led the creative revolution. -- George Lois
People are getting away from the whole album experience, it's true. I think that's sad. Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm an old fart. But I can't help it - albums are what I grew up with, and I still love them. -- Alex Lifeson
It having been a very cold night last night I had got some cold, and so in pain by wind, and a sure precursor of pain is sudden letting off farts, and when that stops, then my passages stop and my pain begins -- Samuel Pepys
There is nothing fiercer than a failed artist. The energy remains, but, having no outlet, it implodes in a great black fart of rage which smokes up all the inner windows of the soul. Horrible as successful artists often are, there is nothing crueler or more vain than a failed artist. -- Erica Jong
For me, I need to be able to show up on set and fart around and goof around. If I can have that, when I'm not acting, then when I'm acting I can go however deep and dark and bad I need to. I developed that more with 'Breaking Bad' because I've never worked on anything as dark for as long. -- Betsy Brandt
I wonder why no one called the police about the rocket launcher? God knows my neighbors usually report it if I so much as fart in my backyard. (Bubba) -- Sherrilyn Kenyon
A fart in the face is love. -- James Kidd
A fart is just your arse applauding. -- Billy Connolly
That has less significance than a dog's fart. -- Mao Zedong
And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart. -- Anthony Bourdain
A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass. -- Martin Luther
A despairing arse will never produce a happy fart." -- Frater U.D.
As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner. -- Britney Spears
You stand out like a fart in a church. -- James Patterson
Every man knows the smell of his own fart. -- Confucius
You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass! -- John Marston
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I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else. -- Britney Spears
Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice. -- James P. Hogan
Ela did you just fart? Because you just blew me away. -- Mark A. Cooper
Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind. -- Martio Puzo
Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind. -- Martio Puzo
Art is like a fart for the soul. Better out than in. -- Martin Firrell
ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator. -- Greg Gutfeld
Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on. -- Dana Gould
Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? -- Janet Evanovich
I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class. -- Demetri Martin
You never want to look like an old fart doing young rap music. -- DJ Quik
Rock n roll is for the young idiots, not an old fart like me. -- Al Jourgensen
Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind -- Scott Lynch
My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off. -- Steve Kluger
I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body. -- Walter Matthau
People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart. -- Margaret Atwood
The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me. -- Niall Horan
All I want to do is sit on my ass and fart and think of Dante. -- Samuel Beckett
When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell. -- Adam Carolla
So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us? -- Neal Stephenson
It's become absolutely horrible the way the people with the money decide they can fart in the kitchen. -- Steven Soderbergh
Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises. -- Darby Stanchfield
If I want to keep working as an actor, I'm going to become a comedian who does fart jokes. -- Peter Sarsgaard
I make niggas eat dirt and fart dust, Then give you a $80 gift certificate to Pussies "Ð¯" Us. -- Ludacris
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. -- Jonathan Tropper
Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal. -- Robin Williams
I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room. -- Tina Fey
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. -- Frank Carson
Confucius once said that a bear could not fart at the North Pole without causing a big wind in Chicago. -- Philip Jose Farmer
Your job today is to pass gas. You do that and we can start feeding you liquids. No fart, no food. -- Khaled Hosseini
If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised... -- Dana Gould
Love is the fart Of every heart It pains the man when 'tis kept close, And others doth offend, when 'tis let loose. -- John Suckling
I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right. -- Brian May
We're being treated to the wisdom of some puffed up, little fart. Doing exactly what I used to do, pretensions to anarchy and art. -- Don Henley
My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward. -- Bob Saget
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else... -- Demetri Martin
I play around with my Japanese Garden. Since Im half way to 70 today I need to start pruning trees and sharpening plants like an old fart. -- Jason Bateman
Some people get lots of pleasure; From books or from music or art; But boys seem to think it's fantastic; To just have a really good fart. -- Giles Andreae
In many ways, Eulah-Beulah prepared me for literary criticism. After having a two-hundred-pound babysitter fart on your face and yell Pow!, The Village Voice holds few terrors. -- Stephen King
I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away. -- Carl Barron
For example, if every time you eat popcorn, one hour later you fart so hard that it inflates your socks, you can reasonably assume popcorn makes you gassy. -- Scott Adams
every particle being connected with every other; you can't fart without changing the balance in the universe. It makes living a funny joke with nobody around to laugh. -- Philip K. Dick
...And nostalgia is a cancer. Nostalgia will fill your heart up with tumors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what you are. You're just an old fart dying of terminal nostalgia. -- Sherman Alexie
Atlantic reckoned we should use a top Yank producer and appointed one Eddie Kramer to the post. It turns out the guy was full of bullshit and couldn't produce a healthy fart. -- Bon Scott
A woman's got one life: She's got to reach out and grab it with both hands, or it'll pass her by and leave nothing but a smelly old fart in her face. -- Robin Schone
You can't even trade a single fart with the next guy. Each and every one of us has to live out his own life. Don't waste time thinking about who's most talented. -- Kodo Sawaki
The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart? -- Steve Martin
Spending so much time on the road, I get to fart all the time. Then when it's, like, Thanksgiving dinner and I'm sitting with my grandmother, I can't fart for, like, two hours. -- Tom DeLonge
[To Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford, on his return from self-imposed exile, occasioned by the embarrassing flatulence he had experienced in the presence of the Queen:] My Lord, I had forgot the fart. -- Elizabeth I
Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to make it happen. -- Jenny McCarthy

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