Prince Philip quotes:

You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.

I don't know how they're going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield.

Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.

During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.

A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now everybody's got more leisure time they're complaining they're unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want.

Only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.

Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.

I just wonder what it would be like to be reincarnated in an animal whose species had been so reduced in numbers than it was in danger of extinction. What would be its feelings toward the human species whose population explosion had denied it somewhere to exist. I must confess that I am tempted to ask for reincarnation as a particularly deadly virus.

It's no use saying do this, do that, don't do that ... it's very easy when children want something to say no immediately. I think it's quite important not to give an unequivocal answer at once. Much better to think it over. Then, if you eventually say no, I think they really accept it.

It seems to me that it's the best way of wasting money that I know of. I don't think investments on the moon pay a very high dividend.

I therefore suggested that WWF should invite leaders from the major religions to meet together to discuss what - if any - responsibility they felt they had for the natural environment as a "sacred" entity.

If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.

"It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." He later backtracked: "I meant to say cowboys."

Ah, you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then?

All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

The biggest waste of water in the country by far. You spend half a pint and flush two gallons.

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.

It is frequently more rewarding merely to ask pertinent questions. It may get someone to go and look for an answer.

If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.

So you are the people tearing down the Brazilian rainforest and breeding cattle.

I never see any home cooking - all I get is fancy stuff.

A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment.

And if we could get the local leaders to appreciate their responsibility for the environment then they would be able to explain that responsibility to the people of their faith.

And what exotic part of the world do you come from?

Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.

Aren't most of you descended from pirates?

As so often happens, I discover that it would have been better to keep my mouth shut.

Books are certainly old fashioned, but only people with a very limited perception are silly enough to condemn ideas because of their age. It is, of course, equally silly to condemn the new fangled simply because it is strange...

But we are not going to be able to survive on this limited planet if the population keeps on growing: there isn't going to be anything left.

Can you tell the difference between them?

Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don't you have a slogan: 'Kill a cat and save a bird?'

Change does not change tradition, it strengthens it. Change is a challenge and anopportunity, not a threat.

Constitutionally I don't exist.

Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf.

Do people trip over you?

Do you still throw spears at each filmother?

Do you work in a strip club?

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I've practised for many years.

For conservation to be successful it is necessary to take into consideration that it is a characteristic of man that he can only be relied upon to do anything consistently which is in his own interest.

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?

Human population growth is probably the single most serious long-term threat to survival. We're in for a major disaster if it isn't curbed...We have no option. If it isn't controlled voluntarily, it will be controlled involuntarily by an increase in disease, starvation and war.

I am full of admiration for the technologists who have developed all sorts of gadgets for the purpose of improving communications. However, I believe that all these fascinating machines are complementary to, and not substitutes for, books and the printed word.

I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!

I don't claim to have any special interest in natural history, but as a boy I was made aware of the annual fluctuations in the number of game animals and the need to adjust the cull to the size of the surplus population.

I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.

I have very little experience of self-government. In fact, I am one of the most governed people in the world.

I must confess that I am interested in leisure in the same way that a poor man is interested in money.

I suppose I'd get in trouble if I were to melt them down.

I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.

I would like to go to Russia very much â?? although the bastards murdered half my family.

If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?

If anyone has a new idea in this country, there are twice as many people who keep putting a man with a red flag in front of it.

If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.

If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed.

If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort - provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.

In the days when the nation depended on agriculture for its wealth it made the Lord Chancellor sit on a woolsack to remind him where the wealth came from. I would like to suggest we remove that now and make him sit on a crate of machine tools.

In the end we must, I think, somehow conclude that they have as much right to this planet as we have.

It doesn't look like much work goes on at this university.

It is an old cliche to say that the future is in the hands of the young. This is no longer true. The quality of life to be enjoyed or the existence to be survived by our children and future generations is in our hands now.

It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons.

It makes you all look like Dracula's daughters!

It's a pleasure to be in a country that isn't ruled by its people.

It's a vast waste of space.

It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.

It's my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.

It's not a very big one, but at least it's dead and it took an awful lot of killing!

I've never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing.

My favourite subject at school was avoiding unnecessary work.

No, I'd probably end up spitting it out over everybody.

Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.

Oh! You're the people ruining the rivers.

Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car, is it?

People say after a fire it's water damage that's the worst. We're still drying out Windsor Castle.

So this is feminist corner then.

So who's on drugs here?... HE looks as if he's on drugs.

That's a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?

That's more than you know about anything else then.

The bastards murdered half my family

The conservation of nature, the proper care for the human environment and a general concern for the long-term future of the whole of our planet are absolutely vital if future generations are to have a chance to enjoy their existence on this earth

The French don't know how to cook breakfast.

The more people there are, the more food we need, the more space we occupy, the more resources and consumer goods we wish to have and the more development has to take place

The world population 60 years ago was just over 2 billion and it's now more than 6 billion. This huge increase - an explosion really - has probably done more harm to the environment than anything else.

There are always twenty excellent reasons for doing nothing for every one reason for starting anything-especially if it has never been done before.

There is nothing like it for morale to be reminded that the years are passing - ever more quickly - and that bits are dropping off the ancient frame. But it is nice to be remembered at all.

There's a cord sticking out of the back. Might you tell me where it goes?

There's a lot of your family in tonight.

They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.

They're a damn nuisance - I've got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.

They're not mating are they?

This could only happen in a technical college.

Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.

We are suffering a national defeat comparable to any lost military campaign, and what is more, it is self- inflicted? It is about time that we pulled our fingers out? The rest of the world most certainly does not owe us a living.

We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!

We don't come here for our health.

We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.

We go into the red next year... I shall have to give up polo.

Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?

Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!

What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer.

Who is going to be the first to face up to the need for self-restraint in the number of children brought into the world?

Why don't you go and live in a hostel to save cash?

Wildlife of the world is disappearing... simply because of a general and widespread ignorance and neglect

You ARE a woman, aren't you?

You bloody silly fool!

You can't have been here long, you haven't got a pot belly.

You could do with losing a little bit of weight.

You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.

You look like you're ready for bed!

You managed not to get eaten then?

You were playing your instruments? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?

Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.

You're not wearing mink knickers,are you?

British women can't cook.

Are you running away from something?

The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.