Colonel Blake Quotes in


Colonel Blake Quotes:

  • [a gun goes off at the football game]

    Hotlips O'Houlihan: Oh my God! They've shot him!

    Colonel Blake: Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop! It's the end of the quarter.

  • [last lines]

    P.A. Announcer: [clears his throat] Attention. Tonight's movie has been "M*A*S*H." Follow the zany antics of our combat surgeons as they cut and stitch their way along the front lines, operating as bombs -


    P.A. Announcer: operating as bombs and bullets burst around them; snatching laughs and love between amputaions and penicillin.

    Colonel Blake: [Watches as a jeep rolls away] Did Hawkeye steal that jeep?

    Radar: No, sir. That's the one he came in.

    Colonel Blake: Oh, very good. Come along, my dear.

    [He and Lt. Leslie leave]

    P.A. Announcer: Follow Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, Dago Red, Painless, Radar, Hot Lips, Dish and Staff Seargeant Vollmer as they put our boys back together again.

    [a montage of cast members starts]

    P.A. Announcer: Starring Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Tom Skerritt, Sally Kellerman, Robert Duvall, Jo Ann Pflug, Rene Auberjonois, Roger Bowen, Gary Burghoff, David Arkin, John Schuck, Fred Williamson, Indus Arthur, Tim Brown, Corey Fischer, Bud Cort, Carl Gottlieb, Dawne Damon, Tamara Horrocks, Ken Prymus, Danny Goldman, Kim Atwood, Michael Murphy, G. Wood, Rick Teal and Bobby Troup.

    SSgt. Gorman: Goddamn army.

    P.A. Announcer: That is all.

    [a gong sounds and the screen suddenly goes black. End of movie]

  • Colonel Blake: Hawkeye Pierce? I got a twix about you... says you stole a jeep up at Headquarters.

    Hawkeye Pierce: No sir, no, I didn't steal it. No, it's right outside.

  • Colonel Blake: [to Spearchucker Jones at the football practice] I had another idea. I think we should have some plays. You know, usually in football you have some organized plays...

    Spearchucker: If you don't mind, I took the liberty.

    Colonel Blake: Oh, you have...

    Spearchucker: I drew up about seven or eight plays. I figure that's about all this bunch can handle.

    Colonel Blake: Oh, these are good. These are very good. Uh, what are these little arrows?

  • Radar: Gentlemen, I'm Corporal O'Reilly, they call me Radar. You'll be staying in Major Burns' tent. I'll take your things over there now.

    Colonel Blake: Get everything out of the Jeep...

    Radar: [while Blake continues speaking] Don't worry about the Jeep. I'll change the numbers.

    Colonel Blake: ...All their duffel bags, all their gear... Oh, and change the numbers on that Jeep.

  • Gen. Hammond: Henry, I have a report here from your Major O'Houlihan. Now she makes some accusations here that I frankly find hard to believe.

    Colonel Blake: Well, don't believe them then, General. Good-bye.

    [hangs up]

  • Colonel Blake: You men just passing through?

    Duke Forrest: I was just enjoying that lovely dish there.

    [Refferring to Lt. Dish]

    Colonel Blake: Captain, you are speaking about a lieutenant in the United States Army. And I'm Colonel Blake.

    Duke Forrest: Oh, Colonel. I'm Duke Forrest. Your new cutter. And that's my driver over there...

    Hawkeye Pierce: Captain Hawkeye Pierce.


    Colonel Blake: Captain Hawkeye Pierce. I got a TWX about you. It seems you stole a Jeep up at headquarters.

    Hawkeye Pierce: Oh no no, no, sir, I did not steal a Jeep. No, it's, uh, right outside. Right there.

    Colonel Blake: Oh, so it is. Captain Forrest, don't you know that when you report to your new duty station, you go to your commanding officer with a copy of your orders?

    Duke Forrest: Uh, Captain... Pierce, is it? Captain Pierce and me have just been boozing all day and...

    Colonel Blake: Good. Good. You've been working close to the front.

  • Hawkeye Pierce: [Hawkeye and Duke barge in] Henry, you've got to do something. We've stuck it out for a whole week now.

    [to Duke, gesturing to Lt. Leslie]

    Hawkeye Pierce: Pretty girl, ain't she?

    Duke Forrest: Yeah. She's the type that really grows on ya.

    Colonel Blake: Uh, what is it, men?

    Hawkeye Pierce: That sky pilot. You have got to get him out of our tent.

    Colonel Blake: YOUR tent?

    Duke Forrest: Yeah get that nurse in there. She don't look like the type to keep you awake all night prayin'.

    Colonel Blake: I've been in the Army a long time. I know what you fellas are trying to pull, but you're not going to push me around.

    Hawkeye Pierce: Henry, not for the world would I push you around. But look there is one more thing: we need a chest cutter.

    Duke Forrest: Yeah, we gotta get an A1 chest cutter in here right away, Henry, or we're gonna be in a hell of a lot of trouble.

    Colonel Blake: Forget it. No MASH unit has a chest surgeon, and we're not about to get one. You guys are gonna have to go in to work early today.

    Hawkeye Pierce: Boy, Henry, you work those kind of hours, you really need your rest, and you can't get it with a sky pilot jabbering to Heaven all night...

    Colonel Blake: Major Burns will be out of your tent in 24 hours.

    Hawkeye Pierce: Henry, there is just one more thing...

    Colonel Blake: I told you Major Burns will be out of your tent in 24 hours!

    Hawkeye Pierce: A chest cutter.

    Colonel Blake: Nope.


    Colonel Blake: I'll try, damn it. You can't ask any more than that.

  • Hotlips O'Houlihan: [Raving about the Swampmen's latest stunt] If you don't turn them over to the MPs this minute, I - -I'm going to resign my comission!

    Colonel Blake: [In bed with a nurse] Goddamnit, Hot Lips, resign your goddamn comission!

    Hotlips O'Houlihan: [stares, then turns to leave, wailing] My comission... my comission... my commission...

    Colonel Blake: [to nurse] Little more wine, my dear?

  • Colonel Blake: We have our slight periods here, but when the action starts, you'll get more work in 12 hours than a civili...

    Hawkeye Pierce: How many nurses do we have on the base, sir?

    Colonel Blake: Seventeen.

    Hawkeye Pierce: How many will be on my...?

    Colonel Blake: Four... than a civilian surgeon has in a month.

  • Colonel Blake: [General Hammond is yelling in their direction] Radar!

    Radar: Sir?

    Colonel Blake: What's the general trying to say?

    Radar: He's just been informed as to the identity of our, uh, Spearchucker. His ringer spotted our ringer.

    Colonel Blake: [shouts to the general] How do ya like them apples, Charlie?

  • Colonel Blake: What the hell's gotten into you?

    Trapper John: I dunno. I must be losing my punch. I never expected the son of a bitch to get up.

  • Colonel Blake: Football game?

    Gen. Hammond: Yeah, yeah, we put up a few bets, five thousand maybe, and have a little fun. Special services in Tokyo says it's one of the best gimmicks we've got to keep the American way of life going here in Asia.

    Colonel Blake: Betting?

    Gen. Hammond: No, football.

  • Colonel Blake: I'm tired of you guys trying to run this outfit. This time there's going to be disciplinary action.

    Duke Forrest: What're you gonna do, Henry?

    Colonel Blake: Well, I had planned to name Trapper Chief Surgeon, to consult on your shift and Frank's.

    Duke Forrest: That's damn good thinking.

    Colonel Blake: Yeah, but now I can't do it for at least a week. If I promote Trapper to chief surgeon after what our new head nurse saw, she'll be screaming from Washington to Seoul.


    Colonel Blake: Isn't there any coffee in this place?

  • Colonel Blake: All right, men, we're not here to sell lemonade. We're here to practice. But first, I'd like to officially welcome Spearchucker. Is it all right to call you that?

    Spearchucker: Call me whatever you want to.

    Colonel Blake: Good. Well, I just want you to know that we're all the same here on the playing field.


    Colonel Blake: Uh, officers and enlisted men alike.

  • Colonel Blake: Get everything out of the Jeep...

    Radar: Don't worry about the Jeep. I'll change the numbers.

    Colonel Blake: ...Oh, and change the numbers on that Jeep.

  • Colonel Blake: Ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor, I have been proud to wear this uniform.

  • Trapper John: Finished work for the day?

    Frank Burns: Yes. Why?

    Trapper John: Good. I was hoping you'd have time tonight to sleep this off.

    [Trapper punches Burns to the floor and injures his hand just as Colonel Blake and Hotlips walk in]

    Trapper John: [in pain] Ow! Damn! Son of a bitch!

    Colonel Blake: Trapper! Captain McIntyre! What the hell?

    Hotlips O'Houlihan: [incredulous] That's a *captain*?

    Colonel Blake: What happened? Who started this?

    Trapper John: I hit him! He's an ignoramus, that knucklehead!

    Frank Burns: He wouldn't have touched me if I had my guard up.

  • Colonel Blake: [In the mess tent. Hawkeye and Duke stroll in and help themselves] Who are those men? Friends of yours, Murrhardt?

    Capt. Murrhardt: No, sir, first time I ever seen them.

    Capt. Bandini: Maybe those are the replacements.

    Colonel Blake: Oh don't be silly. We're expecting some real sharp surgeons.

    Capt. Bandini: I guess they just got separated from their unit and are looking for something to eat.

    Colonel Blake: They got a hell of a nerve coming in here, eating our food.

    [Hawkeye and Duke sit down beside Lt. Dish]

    Duke Forrest: [Sitting beside Lt. Dish, who is speaking to her friends] I think I'm in love. Uh,

    [raises voice]

    Duke Forrest: Uh, you see, the truth is, Lieutenant, I don't have anything to do tonight. I just got in to town and, uh, well, I thought maybe you could show me around.

    Hawkeye Pierce: Captain, I think if you will notice the lieutenant's beautiful hand, she is definitely married.

    Colonel Blake: Well I'm the commanding officer and I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

    Capt. Murrhardt: Boy, Bandini, they're eating in here because they want to.

  • Colonel Blake: I think it's important we go over the three basic principles: organization, discipline, and team work.

    Spearchucker: Excuse me, but do you mind if we limber up first?

    Colonel Blake: Oh, th-that's a good idea. You organize that.

  • Hawkeye Pierce: I know how we can make some money. We leave him...

    [points to Spearchucker]

    Hawkeye Pierce: out of the first half of the game, we bet half our money, they roll up some points. Now, second half of the game, we stick him in, we bet the other half of our money, we get odds from them, we clean up.

    Colonel Blake: That's very good thinking, Captain.

  • Colonel Blake: [blows whistle] Alright, men! we're not here to sell lemonade, we're here to practice. But first, I'd like to officially welcome Spearchucker to our team. It is okay to call you that?

    Spearchucker: Call me whatever you want to.

    Colonel Blake: Good. Well, I just want you to know that we're all the same here on the playing field. Officers and men alike.

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