Farmer Quotes in
Farmer: All I can say is, they did right by me - and I'm bringin' me and a mess of flowers to their funeral.
Farmer: [in Japanese] Wait, son.
Traveler: [in Japanese] Let me go, father. It's my chance.
Farmer: [in Japanese] Everybody's after easy money.
Polish R.A.F. pilot: [Polish pilot parachutes from his plane when it is shot down. He lands in a hayfield] Good afternoon,sir
[in a Polish accent]
Farmer: [the farmer points a pitch fork at the pilot thinking he's German, and replies in an angry sarcastic voice] Good afternoon my arse, you boche bastard. Come on put your hands up.
Polish R.A.F. pilot: Why?
Farmer: Come on, put 'em up.
Polish R.A.F. pilot: I'm a Polish pilot, I'm fighting on your side.
[while running through a forest, Rick trips and falls. A farmer with a shotgun approaches him]
Farmer: Call that gorilla back here. Do what I say, boy.
Rick Heller: Sorry. No can do.
Farmer: I want that ape!
[Behind them, Katie roars loudly]
Farmer: There ain't no college professor gonna teach me how to farm my land.
John Phillips: How much land you got left that hasn't blown away? Look, men, let's quit arguing and kidding ourselves. We're all in the same boat. And we're all gonna sink unless we stick together. Every one of us has been served with a "dispossess notice," not by Uncle Sam or a bank or some mortgage company, but by a little ol' gal we've been kicking in the teeth, Mother Nature.
Napoleon Dynamite: Do the chickens have large talons?
Farmer: Do they have what?
Napoleon Dynamite: Large talons.
Farmer: I don't understand a word you just said.
Sheriff Dollard: When the founding fathers wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, what have you. "Liberty and justice for all", they didn't mean that.
Farmer: I can tell you one thing about them founding fathers of America.
Sheriff Dollard: What's that?
Farmer: They sure had fabulous wigs.
[Having been kidnapped and dumped outside jail, Fletcher and Godber try to break back in. They have to pass a farm where the old farmer is leaning on the gate. Fletcher riding is a bike, and Godber jogging alongside]
Fletcher: [talking to Godber] Come on, come on, don't flag, jab, jab.
[talks to the farmer]
Fletcher: It's the big one next week, sir.
Farmer's wife: Who was that?
Farmer: Couple of escaped convicts.
Farmer's wife: Ohhh.
Cornelius Cobb: [Approaching a Vermont farmer who is busy unloading boxes] Good morning!
Farmer: Morning, neighbors. 'Morning.
Cornelius Cobb: A...
[farmer walks away with a box]
Cornelius Cobb: That's an excellent start. At least we've broken the ice.
John Cedar: [the farmer returns] I say, my friend, do you know a fellow by the name of Longfellow Deeds?
John Cedar: Yes.
Farmer: Yes, sir. Yes, indeedy. Everyone knows Deeds.
John Cedar: Yeah, we...
[farmer walks away with a box]
Cornelius Cobb: Must be a game he's playing.
John Cedar: [the farmer returns] We'd like to get in touch with him. It's very important.
Farmer: Who's that?
John Cedar: Deeds! Who do you think I am talking about?
Farmer: Oh, yes, Deeds. Fine fellow. Very democratic. You won't have no trouble at all. Talks to anybody.
[walks away with a box]
John Cedar: I guess we'd better try somebody else.
Cornelius Cobb: No. We won't. The next time that jumping jack comes out, I'll straddle him while you ask him your questions.
Farmer: 'Morning, neighbor.
Cornelius Cobb: Remember us, the fellows who were here a minute ago?
Farmer: Oh, yeah. Yes, indeedy. I never forget a face.
Cornelius Cobb: Listen, pop. We've come all the way from New York to look up a fellow by the name of Deeds. It's important. It's *very* important.
Farmer: You don't have to get rough, neighbor. All you've got to do is ask.
Cornelius Cobb: Then *please* pretend, for just one fleeting moment, that I'm asking. Where does he reside?
Farmer: [Gives up in desperation]
Anderson: [walks up to the farmer] Longfellow Deeds. Where does he live?
Farmer: Oh, that's what you want. Why didn't you say so in the first place instead of beating around the bush? Those other fellows don't know what they're talking about. Come on, I'll take you there in my car. If they'd only explained to me what they want, there'd be no trouble.
Mrs. Meredith - Housekeeper: [the group arrives at Longfellow's house and knocks] Oh. Will you come in, please, gentlemen?
John Cedar: Is Mr. Deeds in?
Mrs. Meredith - Housekeeper: No, he's over to the park arranging a bazaar to raise money for the fire engine.
[turning to farmer]
Mrs. Meredith - Housekeeper: Mal, you should've knowed he was in the park.
Mrs. Meredith - Housekeeper: Knowed it all the time but these men said they wanted to see the house. Can't read their minds if they don't say what they want.
Sonny Steele: I wanna thank you again for your help. There's not many people you'd trust $50,000 worth.
Farmer: [pauses] You'd better get up over the mountain 'fore it comes to me what I'm passing up.
Pilot: What place is this?
Farmer: Liberty Corner's.
Pilot: Where's that?
Farmer: Thirty-five miles from New York.
Farmer: Reckon you need a good ass-whoopin?
Kevin Haub: Nah, I don't think so...
Farmer: You're soft, like a knobbly-kneed girl. Reckon you like boys?
Kevin Haub: Nah, I don't think so... I just looking for some cutting implements.
Farmer: Saws and what have you?
Kevin Haub: Yes sir.
Farmer: I've got cutting implements. Saws and what have you...
Kevin Haub: Cool,. Are they in good condition? Well oiled? Little or no rust?
Farmer: [at press conference to discuss UFOs] I saw Bigfoot once!
[everyone in thr room reacts. The Farmer stands up]
Farmer: Sequoia National Forest, 1951! It made a sound that I would not want to hear twice in my life.
[a farmer is one of several people, including Roy and Jillian, who witnesses three UFOs flying over an Indiana road]
Farmer: They can fly rings around the moon. But we're *years* ahead of them on the highway.
Farmer: Then, if everything goes good on that acreage, I'll have you help me supervise the Manea project next summer. Old bastards can be hard to work for sometimes, but, hell, if you worked for Joe, I think you'll do just fine. You got any questions?
Gary: No, sir. When can I start?
Farmer: Right now, if you're ready.
Gary: Yes, sir.
[extends his hand to shake]
Gary: So, you knew Joe?
Farmer: Yeah, sure did. Joe's a good man. Good man to me, anyways.
Gary: He was a good man to me, too.
Farmer: Every time one of these Lancasters fly over, my chickens lay premature eggs.
Farmer: Excuse me, sir. There's breathing in my barn.
Sergeant Nash: Bernie? Call the doc.
Farmer: I'm not letting no son of a bitch trespass on my land in the middle of the night! I don't care what kind of a uniform he has!
Lt. Fuller: What the hell's going on here?
Cop #1: He fired on a police officer.
Farmer: You goddamn right! I'll do it again, too. The bastard was tresspassing!
Sergeant Nash: Hogan got an ass full of birdshot.
Cop #2: Yeah, I'm gonna make the son of a bitch pick every one of 'em out with his teeth.
Farmer: The next time you're gonna get the gun up your ass! Sideways!
[Roscoe and his assistant Billy are detailing the specifications of his rainmaking machine]
Roscoe Horne: Are there any questions?
Farmer: [angrily] Aw, we can see through you!
Roscoe Horne: [to Billy] When you get the machine started, drown him first, will you?
Farmer: [describing Armstrong's contact] You'll recognise him. He has red hair which is not his own, and his name is Hugo. But don't give him that money until after you've landed.
Farmer: Say, did you fellows come from town?
Tom Denton: Yeah.
Farmer: Did you see the hangin?
Fred Denton: Naw, we couldn't wait.
Farmer: I couldn't make it myself. Hated to miss it.
Matt Denton: Yeah... So did I.
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