Frank Burns Quotes in
Frank Burns Quotes:
-
Trapper John: Well, what's the matter with her today?
Hawkeye Pierce: I don't know, I think it's one of those ladies' things.
Trapper John: It's not like her to act like this. She's a bitch, look at my new flannel coat. She's going to have a nervous breakdown.
Hawkeye Pierce: She can't even get out of the door, look.
[Hawkeye sits down with Frank]
Hawkeye Pierce: Morning, Frank. Heard from your wife? A bunch of the boys asked me to, uh, ask you, Frank, what Hot Lips was like in the sack. You know, was she...
Frank Burns: Mind your own business.
Hawkeye Pierce: No Frank, you know, is she better than self-abuse? Does that- does that big ass of hers move around a lot, Frank or does it sort of lie there flaccid? What would you say about that?
Duke Forrest: What's Going on over there, is he getting pointers or something?
Trapper John: Oh no, Hawkeye's trying to get him on an appearance tour.
Duke Forrest: Ohhhh, is that a fact?
Hawkeye Pierce: Would you say that she was a moaner, Frank? Seriously Frank. I mean, does she go "ooooh" or does she lie there quiet and not do anything at all?
Frank Burns: Keep your filthy mouth to yourself.
Hawkeye Pierce: Or does she go "uh-uh-uh"?
[Frank leaps over the table and attacks Hawkeye]
Hawkeye Pierce: Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!
Duke Forrest: What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?
Hawkeye Pierce: Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for God's sake!
Trapper John: Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye! That man is a sex maniac; I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye!
-- Frank Burns -
Frank Burns: God meant us to find each other.
Hotlips O'Houlihan: [enthusiastically, opening her blouse] His will be done.
-- Frank Burns -
Frank Burns: You idiot, I said a cardiac needle!
Pvt. Lorenzo Boone: Do you want me to get a nurse?
Frank Burns: Too late, Boone, you killed him.
[Walks away; Boone starts to cry]
-- Frank Burns -
Duke Forrest: What's this here?
Frank Burns: This is Ho-Jon, one of our mess hall boys. I'm teaching him how to read.
Duke Forrest: Oh, is that right? You reading the Bible, huh? That's nice. Look, I'll tell you what, I got a book here. It's got alot of pictures in it.
[Gives Ho Jon a nudie magazine]
Duke Forrest: I think it's easier to read when you look at pictures. A little adventure in pictures.
Ho-Jon: May I leave now, Major?
Frank Burns: Sure, Ho-Jon.
-- Frank Burns -
Frank Burns: What's that?
Duke Forrest: That's a martin-eye, Frank.
Hawkeye Pierce: Finest kind. We're training Ho Jon to be a bartender. Would you care to embribe, sir?
Frank Burns: I don't drink.
Hawkeye Pierce: Jesus Christ, I think he means it.
Duke Forrest: I think we've been had, Hawkeye.
Hawkeye Pierce: I think you're right, babe.
Frank Burns: I don't think it's right to involve a boy who's not seventeen years old yet.
Duke Forrest: Hey you make a mean martini there, Ho Jon. You keep it up, you hear?
Hawkeye Pierce: [Frank begins praying] You ever catch this syndrome before, babe?
Duke Forrest: No, not with anyone beyond the age of eight years old, I haven't.
-- Frank Burns -
Hawkeye Pierce: Frank, were you on this religious kick at home, or did you crack up over here?
Duke Forrest: How long does this go on, Frank?
Frank Burns: It gets longer all the time. Now I have your soul to pray for, and Captain Pierce's.
-- Frank Burns -
Trapper John: Finished work for the day?
Frank Burns: Yes. Why?
Trapper John: Good. I was hoping you'd have time tonight to sleep this off.
[Trapper punches Burns to the floor and injures his hand just as Colonel Blake and Hotlips walk in]
Trapper John: [in pain] Ow! Damn! Son of a bitch!
Colonel Blake: Trapper! Captain McIntyre! What the hell?
Hotlips O'Houlihan: [incredulous] That's a *captain*?
Colonel Blake: What happened? Who started this?
Trapper John: I hit him! He's an ignoramus, that knucklehead!
Frank Burns: He wouldn't have touched me if I had my guard up.
-- Frank Burns -
Frank Burns: I don't drink.
Hawkeye Pierce: Jesus Christ, I think he means it.
-- Frank Burns
Browse more character quotes from
Characters on
- Bonnie Parker
- Clyde Barrow
- Farmer
- Buck Barrow
- C.W. Moss
- Blanche Barrow
- Eugene Grizzard
- Velma Davis
- Nikita
- Amande
- Professeur de tir
- Kor
- Shurka
- Prince Erman
- Dark One
- Idun
- Caedmon
- Tyor
- Amathea
- Sarah Colton
- Severen
- Loy Colton
- Caleb Colton
- Mae
- Homer
- Deputy Sheriff
- Diamondback
- Motel Manager
- Patron in Bar
- Mr. Fantastic
- Human Torch
- The Jeweler
- Maj. Jackson
- Django
- Nataniele
- Klan Member
- Jae-hyeok
- Yeon-joo
- Mrs. Seok
- Hsiu Chen
- Cheng Chao-an
- Uncle
- Ah Chen
- Ice Factory Manager
- Quuhod
- Captain Trantor
- Alluma
- Cabren
- Commander Ilvar
- Baelon
- Kore
- Hassan
- Zabid
- Dione
- Melanthius
- Maroof
- Aboo-Seer
- Zenobia
- Rafi
- Farah
- Balsora
- Shinji Ikari
- Rei Ayanami
- Misato Katsuragi
- Asuka Langley Sohryuu
- Keel Lorentz
- Asuka Langly Soryu
- Kôzô Fuyutsuki
- Gendô Ikari
- Ritsuko Akagi