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Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum." -- Dave Barry
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. -- Mark Russell
I have to say that flying on Air Force One sort of spoils you for coach on a regular airline. -- Ron Reagan
Americans have an abiding belief in their ability to control reality by purely material means... airline insurance replaces the fear of death with the comforting prospect of cash. -- Cecil Beaton
The whole world loves American movies, blue jeans, jazz and rock and roll. It is probably a better way to get to know our country than by what politicians or airline commercials represent. -- Billy Joel
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. -- Frank Zappa
So I've seen life as one long learning process. And if I see - you know, if I fly on somebody else's airline and find the experience is not a pleasant one, which it wasn't in - 21 years ago, then I'd think, well, you know, maybe I can create the kind of airline that I'd like to fly on. -- Richard Branson
A lot of airlines have come and gone. -- David Neeleman
Airlines are interesting. They not only favor celebrities, they court them. -- Phil Donahue
Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror. -- Al Boliska
When I go on Japanese Airlines, I really love it because I like Japanese food. -- Phil Collins
The future of the airlines lay in hauling people, not in hauling mail for the government. -- C. R. Smith
Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965. -- Jerry Seinfeld
I had some airline stock, but the airlines tanked. I didn't have a lot of money in them, though. -- Mickey Gilley
Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. -- Harvey Mackay
I've produced more pilots than United Airlines, and they've all been disasters. Every audition I ever took in my life I lost. -- Willard Scott
Over the last six years, airlines have experienced severe financial pressure to leave smaller communities, making demands on the EAS program even greater. -- Nick Rahall
I dont enjoy traveling in America. I dont like the food, the cars. It is not exotic enough. It all tastes a bit like airline food. -- Carla Bley
Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines -- John Mulaney
At American Airlines, we have built a business around the love of travel that has lasted three quarters of a century. And I'm pretty sure we're just getting started. -- Gerard Arpey
This airline is grateful for his extensive contributions and we will miss his friendship and support. We extend our deepest sympathies to the Casey family on its personal loss. -- Gerard Arpey
Let me be very honest and just say that if any airline would let me take the violin and the laptop on board I would fly that airline all the time. -- Lara St. John
One very clear impression I had of all the Beautiful People was their prudence. It may be that they paid for their own airline tickets, but they paid for little else. -- James Brady
This is absolutely bizarre that we continue to subsidize highways beyond the gasoline tax, airlines, and we don't subsidize, we don't want to subsidize a national rail system that has environmental impact. -- Joe Biden
In 1975 I decided that there was no future in flying (airline jobs were impossible to get, and who wants a job where you are judged only by seniority?) and headed off to grad school. -- W. Richard Stevens
The painting world is awash with people who cannot paint. This is a condition that would not be tolerated in other professions such as Dentistry, Medicine, or among members of the Airline Pilot's Association. -- Robert Genn
Airline food is cooked in an oven and then kept warm. Space station food is often cooked in an oven and then thermo-stabilised, irradiated or dehydrated and then stored for a year or two before you even get to it. -- Chris Hadfield
You don't have to be Willy Loman about it. But, "Airline food is crazy. Hey, what's with these rent-a-cars?" or you go up and talk about how Christopher Walken wanted to know where my dog's tail went. That really happened to me. -- Jay Mohr
[Airline food] is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get - chicken, steak, anything - has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane. -- Ellen DeGeneres
When I worked at Microsoft, I got to go and visit a bunch of different companies. Probably a hundred different companies a year. You'd see all the different ways they'd work. The guys who did Ventura Publisher one day, and then United Airlines the next. You'd see the 12 guys in Texas doing Doom, and then you'd go see Aetna life insurance. -- Gabe Newell
The worst sort of business is one that grows rapidly, requires significant capital to engender the growth, and then earns little or no money. Think airlines. Here a durable competitive advantage has proven elusive ever since the days of the Wright Brothers. Indeed, if a farsighted capitalist had been present at Kitty Hawk, he would have done his successors a huge favor by shooting Orville down. -- Warren Buffett
Running an airline is a normal job. Racing is more. -- Niki Lauda
You can't have a mid-life crisis in the airline industry because every day is a crisis. -- Herb Kelleher
If you want to be a Millionaire, start with a billion dollars and launch a new airline. -- Richard Branson
With any luck, by the time NASA's space probe hits Pluto, you'll be booking a spaceflight with a privately run suborbital airline. -- Burt Rutan
I'm trying to be as green as I can. As an airline pilot, I have a carbon footprint that's a size 10, so it's pretty hard. -- Bruce Dickinson
If you don't like airline food, you'll probably have the same impression of space station food. I would not fly to space for the food. -- Chris Hadfield
It's the old adage: You can make a pizza so cheap, nobody will eat it. You can make an airline so cheap, nobody will fly it. -- Gordon Bethune
The airline business is the biggest team sport in the world. When you're all consumed with fighting among yourselves, your opponents can run over you every day. -- Gordon Bethune
Many of the critics today get airline tickets, hotel accommodation, bags, beautiful photographs, gifts and other expenses paid by the distributors, and then are supposed to write serious articles about the movie. -- Wim Wenders
My father was an airline pilot, so we travelled more spontaneously than a lot of families. On a Thursday, we could decide to go somewhere like Barbados the next day for a long weekend. -- Chris Hadfield
When I started my airline business, I didn't know everything, right? If I start up a newspaper tomorrow, I might get ripped off by journalists. You'd be naive to think you know everything from day one. -- Tony Fernandes
These are times of unprecedented challenge and change in the airline industry, and the appointments we are announcing today will put American in an even stronger position to continue the substantial progress that has already been made under the tenets of our Turnaround Plan. -- Gerard Arpey
I've spent my life as an airplane mechanic, pilot, aircraft manufacturer and airline CEO who never lost a life or an airplane. I am considerate of the risk we take every time we fly. I also know we need to fly and always to improve safety. -- Gordon Bethune
Check bags are fun. I just make sure there won't be anything illegal in my check bag which is forbidden at a cabin of a plane. Just leaving things like scissors and such out of my carry-on things in order to avoid troubles with some certain airline, y'know. -- Kerry King
Failure saves lives. In the airline industry, every time a plane crashes the probability of the next crash is lowered by that. The Titanic saved lives because we're building bigger and bigger ships. So these people died, but we have effectively improved the safety of the system, and nothing failed in vain. -- Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Airline glamour never promised anything as mundane as elbow room, much less a flat bed, a massage, or an arugula salad. It promised a better world. Service and dress reflected the more formal era, but no one expected air travel to be comfortable. It was amazing just to have hot food above the clouds. -- Virginia Postrel
I am obsessed with planning travel! Not just traveling, which I love, but the whole planning process and all the details that go into it. I subscribe to all these travel blogs and airline forums and research hotels and activities and destinations for hours on end, and I volunteer to plan trips for everyone I know. -- Lauren Weisberger
Air Canada. That's a good name for a Canadian airline. -- Johnny Carson
Any serious airline has to look at a worldwide network. -- Vijay Mallya
Once you get hooked on the airline business, it's worse than dope. -- Ed Acker
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. -- Erma Bombeck
Not having an administrator sends the wrong message to the airline industry. -- Maria Cantwell
The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage. -- Peggy Ryan
If I want to travel with my family I have to purchase 7 airline tickets. -- David Koechner
Two of the biggest drivers of airline profit are change fees and baggage fees. -- Paul Hudson
I made publicity contracts with Nike, several broadcasting companies and airline companies within Australia. -- Cathy Freeman
Weâ??re in the Customer Service businessâ??we just happen to provide airline transportation. -- Colleen Barrett
Running an airline is like having a baby: fun to conceive, but hell to deliver. -- Collett E. Woolman
Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke. -- Jay Leno
I have flown ValuJet, ValuJet is a safe airline, as is our entire aviation system. -- Federico Pena
Juan Tripp was a friend. Good name for an airline man, huh? Juan Tripp after another? -- Fay Wray
If it's torture flying one airline and [yours] is a pleasant experience, it certainly helps your revenue. -- David Neeleman
These days no one can make money on the goddamn airline business. The economics represent sheer hell. -- C. R. Smith
There aren't many people around with the stomach or the knowledge to delve into the airline industry. -- James Coulter
When I was younger I wanted to be an airline pilot, but that lasted for about 30 seconds. -- John Barrowman
I technically have two last names, which is a lot of fun when you're making airline reservations. -- Mackenzie Astin
If you want to be a Millionaire, start with a billion dollars and launch a new airline." -- Richard Branson
A lot of people came into the airline business. Most of them promptly exited, minus their money, -- Robert Crandall
Every penny I've ever saved has been spent on airline tickets to different corners of the world. -- JJ Feild
The greatest sin of airline management of the last 22 years is to say, "It's all labor's fault." -- Donald J. Carty
Google makes so much money that it's now worth three times more than every U.S. airline combined. -- Peter Thiel
The quickest way to become a millionaire in the airline business is to start out as a billionaire. -- Richard Branson
It's not a testosterone-driven industry any longer. Success is making money, not in the size of the airline. -- Gordon Bethune
I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute. -- Lewis Black
I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it. -- Les Dawson
Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour." -- Dave Barry
Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare. -- Dave Barry
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach? -- Jerry Seinfeld
I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around. -- Dave Barry
I decided there must be room for another airline when I spent two days trying to get through to People Express. -- Richard Branson
I came from the music business, which reputedly has the biggest egos, but I really think the airline world caps it. -- Tony Fernandes
The thing about commuting internationally is that you have to be a lawyer or an airline steward to do it successfully. -- Joan Juliet Buck
We've got fuel prices coming down and good travel numbers coming out, so it's not surprising airline stocks are going up. -- Andrew Sullivan
He won't fly on the Balinese airline, Garuda, because he won't fly on any airline where the pilots believe in reincarnation. -- Spalding Gray
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. -- Dave Barry
Nike actually has a pair of shoes called Air-Turbulence. Try getting past airline security wearing those. Might as well call them Air-Osama. -- Jay Leno
There has always been a certain romanticism associated with the airline business. We must avoid its perpetuation at Eastern at all costs. -- Frank Borman
You don't build wealth with credit card rewards and airline miles. You can't beat the credit card companies at their own game. -- Dave Ramsey
Failure saves lives. In the airline industry, every time a plane crashes the probability of the next crash is lowered by that. -- Nassim Nicholas Taleb
You cannot manage an airline from a corner office in Willis Tower. That doesn't work. You've got to manage by walking around. -- Jeff Smisek
...every time someone dies as a result of floods in Bangladesh, an airline executive should be dragged out of his office and drowned. -- George Monbiot
If you want to travel on the airline system, you give up your privacy. If you want your privacy, don't fly. Flying is voluntary. -- Robert Crandall
I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad. -- David Letterman
The pseudonymous perpetrator of America's only unsolved airline hijacking [is] a folk hero as shadowy as Deep Throat and as morally troublesome as Jesse James -- David Gates
A lot of faith is placed upon the airline itself. The FAA has never and will never have enough resources to completely monitor the airlines. -- Wayne Williams
I'm trying to be as green as I can. As an airline pilot, I have a carbon footprint that's a size 10, so it's pretty hard." -- Bruce Dickinson
I don't enjoy traveling in America. I don't like the food, the cars. It is not exotic enough. It all tastes a bit like airline food. -- Carla Bley
I've said many times that I'd be thrilled to sell the airline to the employees and our guys said no, we'll take all the money, anyway. -- Robert Crandall
With the 2001 terror attacks, airline bankruptcies, pension terminations, loss of pay, changes in work rules â?? we're all working harder and longer than we used to. -- Chesley Sullenberger
The travel is a lot uglier than it once was with TSA and the deregulation of the airline services. These planes are getting smaller for my 6" 2' frame. -- James Young
Republicans also took control of the Senate after gaining another seven seats. I haven't seen the GOP get this many seats since Chris Christie made an airline reservation. -- Jimmy Fallon
The Czech ease has become my saving grace for traveling! Plus,with its light weight and small size, I save thousands of dollars every year in airline fees. -- Esperanza Spalding
They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170 pounds, the Wright Brothers were flying the plane. -- Jay Leno
There has to be so many other ways of approaching airline security than demeaning ourselves by giving up a lot of our dignities and our liberty to do this. -- Quico Canseco
A recession is when you have to tighten your belt; depression is when you have no belt to tighten. When you've lost your trousers - you're in the airline business. -- Adam Thomson
I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger. -- Steven Wright
The alliance with air Berlin is attractive for me. I can use the whole sales network of the air Berlin and 24 percent of my own airline at air Berlin sold. -- Niki Lauda
But life is not like that. You are not an airline. You can't remove a single olive from every salad served in first class and save one point two million dollars. -- Lynn Messina
When you have armed militants, aided and abetted by a major country like Russia, able to use surface-to-air missiles to bring down a commercial airline, that is a form of terrorism. -- Hillary Clinton
We're not a manufacturer, or an airline, but we do use energy. Printing and publishing newspapers, producing films, broadcasting television signals, operating 24-hour newsrooms. It all adds carbon to the atmosphere. -- Rupert Murdoch
If you pay your credit card off every month, get a rewards card. One that gives you airline miles or that will give you 1 percent cash back at least on every purchase. -- Aaron Patzer
As the head of security for an airline, I can't ask my passengers to risk their lives and jump on a terrorist. This is why we need air marshals on every flight. -- Isaac Yeffet
As of 1992, in fact-though the picture would have improved since then-the money that had been made since the dawn of aviation by all of this country's airline companies was zero. Absolutely zero. -- Warren Buffett
I was never, ever interested in becoming a businessman or an entrepreneur. If I was a businessman, or saw myself as a businessman, I would have never gone into the airline business. -- Richard Branson
Today, we have private airline companies, but if you take a look at a Boeing plane next time you travel, you'll see that you are basically taking a ride on a modified bomber. -- Noam Chomsky
The guest gets at least as much service with us as with some established airline, if not even more. And at by far a favourable price. Thus the passengers remain gladly with us. -- Niki Lauda
In a sense, when we started Virgin Atlantic, I was trying to create an airline for myself. If you try to build the perfect airline for yourself, it will be appreciated by others. -- Richard Branson
Hart is still like that little tub of vaguely milklike gunk that comes with airline coffee. It is labeled a "nondairy" product. Fine: we know what is is non, but what is it? -- George Will
Asking journalists to denounce leaks because of their deleterious effects on the functioning of government is as hopeless as asking an airline to denounce jet fuel because of its impact on the environment. -- Benjamin Wittes

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