Babs Johnson Quotes in


Babs Johnson Quotes:

  • Babs Johnson: Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth is my politics! Filth is my life!

  • Babs Johnson: Oh my God Almighty! Someone has sent me a bowel movement!

  • Miss Edie: Babs, where do eggs come from?

    Babs Johnson: From little chickens, Mama. They lay them, and we eat them.

    Miss Edie: But suppose someday there weren't any chickens. Would that mean there wouldn't be any eggs?

    Babs Johnson: Oh, I don't think you have to worry about that, Mama.

    Miss Edie: But... but is it true, Babs? lf there weren't any chickens, there wouldn't be any eggs? Is that true?

    Babs Johnson: I suppose so, Mama... but there will always be chickens. You can be sure of that.

    Miss Edie: But suppose someday it happens. Suppose someday there weren't any chickens. Oh, Babs, what could I possibly do? And then the eggman wouldn't have... he wouldn't have a job. It might happen, Babs. What could I do?

    Babs Johnson: Now, Mama, that's just egg paranoia. I think you're being very silly. There will always be chickens. Why, there are so many chickens now... that we can eat some and let some of them live... in order to supply us with eggs. Chickens are plentiful, Mama. The world will never be without chickens. You can be sure of that.

    Miss Edie: Oh, Babs... IT COULD HAPPEN! IT COULD HAPPEN!

  • Babs Johnson: Give me more questions!

    Nat Curzan from "The Tattler": Divine, are you a lesbian?

    Babs Johnson: Yes! I have done everything!

  • Cotton: Let's move to Boise, I always wanted to go there!

    Babs Johnson: Boise, Cotton? Why, that might not be a bad place!

    Crackers: Were you ever there?

    Cotton: Only once, we robbed a transit bus there, remember?

    Babs Johnson: I remember, the number 42!

  • Babs Johnson: Oh my God, what a horrible photograph. My first wanted poster and I look just awful.

  • Crackers: A turd, Mama, a turd!

    Cotton: Who could've sent this?

    Miss Edie: Ahhh. A turd? Oh, a turd! Oh, Babs!

    Babs Johnson: This is a direct attack on my divinity!

  • Babs Johnson: I'll have to change my appearance. I think I'll dye my hair another color and start dressing like a dyke.

    Cotton: Me too! I'll get a crew cut.

  • [the family ponders who could have sent Babs an obscene parcel]

    Edie, the Egg Lady: The Egg Man didn't do it, Babs! I KNOW the Egg Man didn't do it!

    Babs Johnson: Oh, I don't think he did it either, mother, now shut up and let me think, WILL YOU?

  • Babs Johnson: Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

    Crackers: Sure mama, I wouldn't shit ya.

  • Babs Johnson: I'm all dressed up and ready to fall in love!

  • Cotton: [Babs serves her family a steak she has shoplifted from the market by concealing under her dress between her legs] Mmmm, Babs, smells delicious!

    Babs Johnson: Thanks, Cotton, it should. I warmed it up downtown today, in my own little oven.

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