Robert Agar, Screwsman Quotes in The Great Train Robbery (1979)

[Edward Pierce arrives from on top of the train]

Robert Agar, Screwsman: You look a sight.

Edward Pierce: *I* look a sight?

Robert Agar, Screwsman: You're all covered in soot.

Edward Pierce: [aghast] It's the smoke! I haven't brought a change!

Robert Agar, Screwsman: Well, that's bloody brilliant!

[Edward Pierce looks at Agar's clothes]

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [realizing what Pierce intends] No! Oh, no! You pick me clean, you put me in a coffin with a rotten, stinking cat, and now you strip me bollock naked.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [referring to the London Bridge Station train dispatcher's office] What's your pogue up there, anyway?

Edward Pierce: Two Chubb keys in that green cupboard.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: What might they be, them keys?

Edward Pierce: Two keys that I happen to want.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [turns to look at Pierce] We're partners, aren't we? Of course, if you're trying to say that you don't trust me completely...

Edward Pierce: [turns and looks at Agar] I don't trust you at all.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [smiles and nods] Good.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [He's just realized Pierce is planning to heist the Crimean gold shipment] You're out of your bloody mind, Pierce, trying to rob a moving train! It can't be done!

Edward Pierce: Why not?

Robert Agar, Screwsman: Well... it hasn't been done, has it?

Edward Pierce: No.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: You didn't do the Barclay Hills job, did you?

Edward Pierce: Barclay Hills? Shit job!

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [They're at the train station about to do the "Jolly Gaff" to get the two keys] Where's the chavvy?

Edward Pierce: There.

[He nods towards a boy street urchin]

Edward Pierce: He's your son.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: I don't have no son!

Edward Pierce: Louisa says he's your son.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [snorts a laugh] Louisa! She wouldn't know, would she? IS THAT HIM? He's not my son! He's too ugly to be my son!

[pause, then:]

Robert Agar, Screwsman: What's the sweetener?

Edward Pierce: A guinea.

Robert Agar, Screwsman: [thinks about it for a moment, then:] Well, if he is my son he'll be worth it.