Kermit Quotes in The Muppet Movie (1979)

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Kermit Quotes:

  • Dr. Teeth: [after the Electric Mayhem paint the Studebaker] Doc Hopper will never recognize you now.

    Fozzie: I don't know how to thank you guys.

    Kermit: I don't know *why* to thank you guys.

  • Kermit: That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwinn.

  • Kermit: Where did you learn to drive?

    Fozzie: I took a correspondence course.

  • Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, I want you to turn left if you come to a fork in the road.

    Fozzie: Yes sir, turn left at the fork in the road.

    [drives past a giant fork]

    Fozzie: Kermit!

    Kermit: I don't believe that.

  • Kermit: [singing; repeated lines] Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

  • Kermit: [singing] Life's like a movie, write your own ending...

    All Muppets: [singing] Keep believing, keep pretending; we've done just what we've set out to do, thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you!

  • Kermit: It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation; this crowd's getting ugly.

    Fozzie: Huh. If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.

  • Kermit: I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood, anyway? Just a dream I got from sitting through too many double features.

    Kermit's Conscience: So why did you leave the swamp in the first place?

    Kermit: 'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. He probably says that to everybody.

    Kermit's Conscience: On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.

    Kermit: Yeah. But then it would just be me feeling miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear, and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey.

    Kermit's Conscience: [Kermit's Conscience is sitting on a rock behind him] Mmm - Yeah. A little like a turkey, but not much.

    Kermit: No I guess not. Anyhow, I brought them all out here to the middle of nowhere, and it's all my fault.

    Kermit's Conscience: Still, whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember - they wanted to come.

    Kermit: But... that's because they believed in me.

    Kermit's Conscience: No, they believed in the dream.

    Kermit: Well, so do I, but...

    Kermit's Conscience: You do?

    Kermit: Yeah! Of course I do.

    Kermit's Conscience: Well then?

    Kermit: Well then... I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.

  • Kermit: Gee. A Studebaker. Where did you get it?

    Fozzie: Oh, my uncle left it to me.

    Kermit: Huh, is he dead?

    Fozzie: No, he's hibernating.

  • Miss Piggy: Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

    Kermit: Uh... motorcycle cop.

    Miss Piggy: "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?

    Kermit: A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

  • Kermit: [navigating in the Studebaker] Bear left.

    Fozzie: Right, frog.

  • Kermit: [asks the waiter to taste the wine for him and Miss Piggy] Will you taste it for us, please?

    Insolent Waiter: [tastes the wine, makes a face and spits it out] Ooh! Ah... Excellent - choice.

    Kermit: [to Miss Piggy] Should be, for ninety-five cents.

    Miss Piggy: [impressed] Ooooh!

  • Kermit: You may serve us now, please.

    Insolent Waiter: Oh... may I?

  • [when seeing Fozzie perform for the first time]

    Kermit: This guy's lost.

    Waiter: Maybe he should try Hare Krishna.

    Kermit: Good grief, it's a running gag.

  • El Sleezo Cafe Owner: That's toughest, meanest, *filthiest* pest hole on the face of the earth!

    Kermit: Why not complain to the owner?

    El Sleezo Cafe Owner: I *am* the owner.

  • Robin the Frog: Uncle Kermit, is this how the Muppets *really* got started?

    Kermit: Well, it's sort of approximately how it happened.

  • The Swedish Chef: The flim is okee-dokee.

    Kermit: Good, roll film.

    The Swedish Chef: Flim is rooling!

  • Kermit: [whispering] This is the patriotic part.

    Robin the Frog: [whispering back] Should we stand up?

    Kermit: No.

  • Miss Piggy: [as Beaker combs her hair, he comes across a tangle] Ow!

    [turns around]

    Miss Piggy: Watch it!

    [Beaker beeps back hurriedly]

    Kermit: Miss Piggy, you look beautiful!

    Miss Piggy: Thank you!

    Kermit: [aside] Hollywood talk.

  • Kermit: What's happening?

    Floyd Pepper: At the moment, *we're* what's happenin'.

  • Rowlf the Dog: Oh. Broken heart, right?

    Kermit: [sadly] Does it show?

    Rowlf the Dog: Listen, when you've been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you've seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every falling star.

    Kermit: Exactly. She just walked out on me.

    Rowlf the Dog: Ah, typical. That's why I live alone.

    Kermit: You do, huh?

    Rowlf the Dog: You bet. I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed.

    Kermit: Nice and simple.

    Rowlf the Dog: Stay away from women. That's my motto.

    Kermit: But I can't.

    Rowlf the Dog: Neither can I. And that's my trouble.

  • Mad Man Mooney: Jack, get rid of this heap. Come out here!

    Sweetums: What? What?

    Mad Man Mooney: That's my jack.

    Kermit: Oh, hi Jack!

    Sweetums: Jack not name! Jack job!

    Mad Man Mooney: [whispering] How many times have I told you not to talk to the customers?

  • Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead there.

    Fozzie: What is that?

    Kermit: Maybe we should give him a ride.

    Fozzie: I don't know, he's pretty big.

    Fozzie: [to Big Bird] Hey there, wanna lift?

    Big Bird: Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.

    Fozzie: Oh. Hm, good luck.

  • Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!

    Kermit: Gee, I don't know what to say.

    Fozzie: Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.

    Gonzo: And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!

    Miss Piggy: Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!

    Kermit: Gee.

    Fozzie: Oh, brother.

  • Kermit: [Movie stops after burning in projector lamp] Hey, what happened?

    The Swedish Chef: [In projector booth, covered in film] Gersh gurndy morn-dee burn-dee, burn-dee, flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip.

  • Doc Hopper: [pointing to a billboard showing a bucket of "Doc Hopper's French Fried Frog Legs"] Isn't that splendid? Just splendid! Just take a look at it.

    Kermit: All I can see are millions of frogs with tiny crutches.

  • Animal: IR-RI-TA-TED! IR-RI-TA-TED!

    Kermit: Don't worry, Animal, your big scene is coming up.

    Floyd Pepper: Yeah, just be cool and eat another seat cushion.

    Animal: SEAT CUSHION!

    [rips off some upholstery and stuffing at the corner of his chair and eats it]

  • Kermit: That's Piggy!

    Fozzie: Yes, I know!

    Rowlf the Dog: Hey, you do think we should help her with her bags?

    Fozzie: Aah, no.

    [Everyone]

    Fozzie: No, nah, un-uh.

  • Kermit: [watching Gonzo fly over the fair with a bunch of balloons] Gonzo! What are you doing?

    Gonzo: About seven knots!

  • Doc Hopper: Listen, we're a small business but we've expanded. Expanded! Just like you frogs expand. Don't you frogs expand?

    [puffs his cheeks]

    Kermit: That's a myth.

    Doc Hopper: What?

    Kermit: Myth! Myth!

    Myth: Yeth?

    Kermit: Huh?

    [same with Fozzie]

    Kermit: [to Fozzie]

    Kermit: C'mon, bear, burn rubber!

  • Fozzie: Kermit, where are we?

    Kermit: [Looking at a map] Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here.

    Fozzie: [after taking his eyes off the road to focus on the map] How about, let's take the blue line, huh?

    Kermit: No, we can't take that, that's a river.

    Fozzie: Oh. I knew that.

    Kermit: Yeah sure.

    Fozzie: Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...

    Kermit: [Cutting him off] Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?

    Fozzie: Yeah?

    Kermit: Who's driving?

  • Kermit: [after Fozzie parks the car in front of a church and turns it off] Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days.

    Fozzie: [Still upbeat] Funny, yet I'm still wide awake!

    Kermit: Yup. Me, too.

    [Two seconds later Fozzie's head falls back, and he immediately starts snoring. Kermit jumps at that, then shrugs]

    Kermit: [quietly] Me, too.

    [Drops his head back and settles in himself]

  • Kermit: That's enough of that, Harry!

  • Kermit: [to audience] I hope you appreciate that I'm doing all my own stunts.

  • Kermit: Oh, waiter...

    Insolent Waiter: [reluctantly] Yes? May I help you?

    Kermit: The uh, the wine, please.

  • [Doc Hopper is following Kermit and Fozzie in the rainbow disguised car]

    Kermit: Fozzie, they're right behind us!

    Fozzie: I know, I know.

    Kermit: But Fozzie, how did they recognize us?

    Fozzie: They recognized YOU. There's a hundred bears around.

  • Kermit: [singing] I've heard it too many times to ignore it. It's something that I'm s'posed to be.

  • [Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood]

    Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.

    Kermit: Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.

    Floyd Pepper: Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!

    Lord's Secretary: [closes the door] And where do you think you're going?

    Kermit: Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.

    Lord's Secretary: You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.

    Kermit: Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?

    [Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly]

    Lord's Secretary: This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...

    [sneezes]

    Lord's Secretary: ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.

    Kermit: Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance, and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?

    [the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly]

    Lord's Secretary: [on the phone] Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...

    [the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door]

  • El Sleezo Patron: Hello, sailor, buy me a drink?

    Kermit: Well, you see, I'm not a sailor, I'm a frog.

    El Sleezo Patron: Oh, cut the small talk and buy me a drink.

    Kermit: I don't even know you.

    El Sleezo Tough: Hey. Did you make a move with my girl?

    Kermit: No, sir.

    El Sleezo Patron: He did too. He touched me.

    El Sleezo Tough: Ugh. Wash up, you'll get warts.

    Kermit: That's a myth.

    El Sleezo Tough: Yeah, but she's my "myth"!

    Kermit: No, no, myth, myth!

    Myth: Yeth?

  • Bernie: If you ever come out west to Hollywood, look me up: Bernie, the agent.

    Kermit: Hey, listen, Bernie the Agent, why don't you say "hello" to Arnie the alligator?

  • Kermit: Frankly, Miss Piggy, I don't give a hoot.

  • Kermit: If what I'm saying doesn't make any sense, well then... go ahead and kill me.

    Doc Hopper: [takes off his hat and fluffs his hair; reluctantly] All right boys. Kill him.

  • Bernie the Agent: Help! Hello! This is a serious call for help!

    Kermit: Uh, yeah?

    Bernie the Agent: Someone - help! Ah - I, oh! Oh! You, you with the banjo - uh, can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction.

    Kermit: Uh, have you tried Hare Krishna?

    Bernie the Agent: [briefly laughs sarcastically] No. No, I mean I'm really lost.

    Kermit: Uh, one second.

    [he tries to catch a fly with his tongue, but misses]

    Kermit: Uh, darn I missed. You know, that's the first thing to go on a frog, his tongue. The tongue goes and you can't catch flies.

    Bernie the Agent: Well, that's rough, I'm sorry about your tongue, but I have to get out of this swamp; I have to catch a plane.

    Kermit: With *that* tongue? No way.

    Bernie the Agent: [laughs]

    Kermit: But seriously, there's a boat dock just downstream.

    Bernie the Agent: Thank you.

    Kermit: Just watch out for the alligators.

    Bernie the Agent: I will.

    [he starts to leave but turns back to Kermit, apprehensive]

    Bernie the Agent: Alligators?

    Kermit: That's right.

    Bernie the Agent: Did you say alligators?

    Kermit: Read my lips: al-lee-gay-twers.

  • Kermit: [as he and the gang enter his office] Um, Mr. Lord, forgive the interruption, but I'm here to audition.

    All Muppets: Yes! Yes!

    Kermit: We've come over 2000 miles, and...

    [Stops when Lew Lord turns around in his chair to face him, making him nervous now]

    Kermit: Um... oh boy.

    Miss Piggy: Kermie, we are all with you.

    Kermit: Um, please sir, my name is Kermit the Frog, and we've read your ad, and, well, we've come to be rich and famous.

    Lew Lord: [Has a brief staredown with Kermit, then into his intercom] Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company.

    [They all look stunned for a moment, then all the rest of the Muppets start cheering and celebrating behind Kermit, who just looks on shocked and starry-eyed]

  • Insolent Waiter: Phone call for Kermit the Frog. You Kermit the Frog?

    Kermit: Yeah.

    Insolent Waiter: Phone.

  • Fozzie: [after Kermit has turned down Doc Hopper's offer] Five hundred dollars? Would you consider a bear in a frog suit?

    Kermit: Fozzie!

    Fozzie: I'm sorry, sir, I just lost my head.

    Doc Hopper: [as Kermit and Fozzie drive off] Just a minute, Mr. Frog. Everything's negotiable!

  • Kermit: Did we do something wrong, Officer?

    All Muppets: [Shocked when it reveals that the police officer is Max]

    Kermit: Okay, Guys! Let him explain the violation issue.

    Max: This whole disguise is only so that I can warn you!

    Fozzie: Okay, Sure, Sure.

    Max: I never thought Doc was going to hurt Kermit, I thought he was going to lean on him. But now he has hired a frog killer in from the coast, And the man is DEADLY!

    All Muppets: [Everybody gets shocked about the frog killer]

    Kermit: Hey Dr. Teeth, What's up ahead?

    Dr. Teeth: Well, Just an old ghost town.

    Kermit: Okay.

    [to Max]

    Kermit: You tell Doc Hopper. I'll wait for him there.

    Max: What?

    Fozzie: [as everybody get scared and concerned] You could killed, Kermit.

    Kermit: Listen you guys, I can't spend my whole life running away from bullies, It's time for a showdown.

  • Kermit: You mean all this time I've been trapped in a Russian Gulag, no one, not one single person from the Muppets, except Animal, noticed I'd been replaced by an evil criminal mastermind?

    Fozzie Bear: It sounds worse than it was...

    Walter: No, it's as bad as it sounds.

  • Kermit: Bear left!

    Fozzie Bear: Right, frog!

  • Kermit: The weakest point in the gulag is over there, by the fourth wall.

    [Kermit, Fozzie, Walter, and Animal turn and stare at the camera for several long seconds]

  • Miss Piggy: You may be the world's most dangerous frog, but you're still a FROG!

    [beats up Constantine]

    Miss Piggy: [in between punches] NO - ONE - TRICKS - ME - INTO - MARRYING - THEM - AND - THEN - HURTS - MY - KERMIE!

    Constantine: [dazed] What a woman...

    Kermit: Yeah, MY woman! And I believe this belongs to you!

    [smacks Constantine with his mole]

  • Kermit: Piggy, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding...

    Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie... I'm so glad you did.

    [they kiss]

  • [first lines]

    Film Crew: And cut!

    Walter: Wow, that was so amazing!

    Kermit: Walter, you did a wonderful job.

    Walter: Thank you, Kermit. Did we get that?

    Miss Piggy: We got it.

    Kermit: We got it, yup.

    Film Crew: [speaks into bullhorn] Movie's over, people, go home. That is a wrap.

    Scooter: Okay, nice work, everyone. Make sure to fill out your I-9's, and we'll see you on the next one.

    Scooter: [crew leaves the set] So uh, what do we do now?

    Fozzie Bear: Well, we're together again. We got the theater and all our fans are back.

    Rowlf the Dog: Actually, those were extras.

    Fozzie Bear: I saw a few tapping their toes.

    Scooter: Yeah, those were paid dancers.

    Fozzie Bear: Oh.

    Miss Piggy: Or, maybe since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me to tie the knot, Kermie.

    Kermit: [stammering] Well... I mean, maybe I could-...

    Walter: Hey, what's the camera still doing here?

    Statler: Oh no, disaster! That can only mean one thing!

    Waldorf: Doggone it, you're right.

    Statler: Mm-hmm.

    Waldorf: It looks like they've ordered a sequel.

    StatlerWaldorf: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

  • Fozzie: [pleading] We'll do better next time.

    News Editor: Next time? Next time!

    [pounds fist into desk]

    News Editor: What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?

    Kermit: Well, if there isn't it's gonna be a real short movie.

  • Kermit: We were wondering if you could recommend a nice hotel. Actually, a cheap hotel.

    British Gentleman: How cheap?

    Fozzie: Free.

    British Gentleman: Well, that narrows the field a bit.

    [reading from his guide]

    British Gentleman: Let's see. "Places where you can park your carcasses." Bus terminals... River banks... The Happiness Hotel...

    Kermit: Happiness Hotel? That sounds great.

    Gonzo: What's wrong with bus terminals?

  • [Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie are in a hot air balloon, flying through the opening credits]

    Fozzie: Nobody reads those names anyway, do they?

    Kermit: Sure. They all have families.

  • [First lines]

    Kermit: [In a hot air balloon] Pretty nice up here, isn't it?

    Fozzie: Kermit? What if we drift out to sea? What if we're never heard from again? What if there's a storm? Or - we get struck by lightning?

    Gonzo: That'd be neat.

    Kermit: Listen, nothing's gonna happen. These are just the opening credits.

    Fozzie: Oh. Where are they?

    [Title card appears]

    Fozzie: Wow!

    Kermit: The Great Muppet Caper.

    Fozzie: Nice title.

  • Kermit: Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're gonna have to catch those thieves red-handed.

    [Beauregard raises his hand]

    Kermit: Yes, Beau?

    Beauregard: What color are their hands now?

  • Pops: Hey, how're you guys fixin' to pay?

    Kermit: What are our choices?

    Pops: A: Credit card; B: Cash; C: Sneak out in the middle of the night.

    Fozzie: We'll take C.

    Pops: Very popular choice.

  • Fozzie: What does "BSC" stand for?

    Kermit: I don't know.

  • Air Steward: All out for England!

    Kermit: Oh, great! The plane is landing!

    Air Steward: [opens cargo door in mid-flight] The plane? No, the plane lands in Italy. *You* land in England!

  • British Gentleman: For once the forecast was right. It said it was going to rain cats and dogs.

    Kermit: No, no. We're bears and frogs.

    Gonzo: And Gonzos.

  • Kermit: Quiet!

    [all fall silent except Janice]

    Janice: Look, Mother. It's my life, okay? So if I want to live on a beach and walk around naked... Oh.

  • [Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie are in a hot air balloon, flying through the opening credits]

    Gonzo: Gee, a lot of people worked on this movie!

    Kermit: Oh, this is nothing. Wait till you see the end credits.

  • Pops: [banging on bathroom door] Hey! What's goin' on in there? Lotta folks out here need to use the restroom!

    Kermit: Well, we're developing these pictures, we'll be out as soon as we finish. We're trying to catch a jewel thief.

    Fozzie: A jewel thief!

    Pops: Well, catch him in another room, people are dancing up and down on one leg out here!

  • Beauregard: Takes awhile to get to know the town.

    Fozzie: How long have you lived in London?

    Beauregard: All my life.

    Kermit: How come you don't have an English accent?

    Beauregard: Hey, I'm lucky to have a driver's license!

  • Kermit: I hate to be rude, but we're trying to do a movie here.

  • [Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo are in wooden boxes on an airline flight]

    Fozzie: Kermit, can you reach the hostess call button? I'm hungry.

    Kermit: They don't serve food in 9th class.

    Fozzie: What? Twelve dollars and we don't even get a meal?

  • Air Steward: All out for the USA.

    Kermit: Great. How close are we?

    Air Steward: About 30,000 feet.

    Kermit: You mean...

    Air Steward: [opens cargo door in mid-flight again] Yep, happy landings.

  • [In a hot-air balloon]

    Gonzo: I'd like to try this without a balloon.

    Kermit: Try what? Plummeting?

    Gonzo: Yeah.

    Kermit: I suppose you could try it once.

  • Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermy! Oh, I've missed you so!

    Kermit: [stiffly] Please, the name is Rosenthal.

    [lowers voice]

    Kermit: I'm your attorney, that's the only way they'd let me in here.

    Miss Piggy: Oh, right! Oh, I've missed you so... Rosenthal. It's been an eternity.

    Kermit: [puzzled] It's been forty-five minutes.

    Miss Piggy: Time goes slow in the cooler.

  • Fozzie: Kermit, are bears allowed in those fountains?

    Kermit: [bewildered] What?

    Fozzie: Are bears allowed in those fountains?

    Kermit: No, I don't think so.

    Fozzie: I need a bath.

  • Kermit: How are we supposed to cut through the bars if nobody brought stuff to cut with?

    Floyd: I brought some hot mustard, maybe that will eat through the bars.

  • Kermit: [on the plane] Someone's coming.

    Fozzie: Oh, maybe they're bringing hamburgers.

  • Kermit: [on the plane to England] I think I'll read for a while.

    [turns on his light and looks around]

    Kermit: Uh, I wish I had a book.

  • Miss Piggy: [at the supper club] Well, what a delightful menu!

    [Kermit looks at the menu and gasps]

    Miss Piggy: What?

    Kermit: [nervously] Oh, hah, nothing, it's just sort of amusing that the roast beef is the same price as an Oldsmobile.

  • Kermit: [the Muppets are in a frenzy about Kermit's date] Fozzie, this is all very embarrassing!

    Fozzie: Don't worry Kermit, it won't leave this room.

    The Muppet Newsman: Here is a Muppet newsflash! Kermit the Frog to date Lady Holiday! Details at 11.

  • Fozzie: Hey, Kermit, I'm getting hungry.

    Gonzo: Call room service.

    Kermit: There's no phone.

    Rizzo the Rat: That's OK, there's no food, either.

  • Kermit: [he, Fozzie, and Gonzo are stuck in the bed, which has closed into the wall; Kermit talks muffled] Could somebody turn out the light?

    [bulb switches off as it drops to the floor]

    Kermit: Thank you.

  • Kermit: But... Nicky, why are you doing this?

    Nicky Holiday: Why am I doing this? Because I'm a villain. It's pure and simple.

  • Kermit: Piggy? Piggy, you're overacting.

    Miss Piggy: What?

    Kermit: You're overacting. You're hamming it up!

    Miss Piggy: I am not! I am trying to save this movie.

    Kermit: Yeah, well save your performance instead!

  • Gonzo: I wonder how far you could plummet before you blacked out.

    Kermit: Uh, don't try it, Gonzo. We need you for this movie.

    Gonzo: Sure is tempting.

  • Miss Piggy: [about Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem's playing] They don't have to play this loud.

    Kermit: That's okay, they don't mind.

  • Kermit: What's wrong with the drummer? He looks a little crazed.

    Zoot: Oh, he's just upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.

    Animal: RENOIR!

  • Beauregard: What's your room number?

    Kermit: What?

    Fozzie: I don't know, but we're on the second floor.

    Beauregard: Oh, I'm sorry. I can only take you as far as the lobby.

  • News Editor: Did you read these headlines? Huh?

    [reads newspaper]

    News Editor: "JEWEL HEIST ON MAIN STREET!" And it's nice bold print, isn't it?

    Kermit: Yes, it's very easy to read.

    News Editor: Shut up now.

    Kermit: [sheepish] Sorry.

    News Editor: "Lady Holiday's Jewels Stolen," that's what it says in The Times. And here's The Herald, "Fashion Queen Of London Robbed." And last, but not least

    [chuckles]

    News Editor: here's our cute little banner story, "Identical Twins Join The Chronicle Staff." Now I ask you, which would you buy?

    Fozzie: I read the one that has "Dear Abby".

    News Editor: OH!

    [News Editor pounds fist into desk in frustration, causing Gonzo to jump with fright up to a light fixture]

  • Gonzo: [going over the Thames] What's the name of this river?

    Kermit: I don't know.

    Fozzie: I think it's the English river.

    Gonzo: Oh. I'll take a picture of it. Say cheese!

  • Kermit: Excuse me.

    Pops: [awakes from his nap abruptly] What?

    Kermit: We'd like a room.

    Pops: Really?

    Kermit: Yeah, we'd like to check in.

    Pops: Somebody's checking in!

    [dings his service bell]

    Happiness Hotel Guests: [emerging from their rooms] SOMEBODY'S CHECKING IN?

  • Kermit: Now, we're about to embark on a potentially dangerous mission. There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay, and there is the slightest chance that somebody might even get killed. So if anybody wants out, now is the time to say it.

    Floyd: I'm out.

    Rowlf: Me too.

    Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Ditto.

    Beaker: Meep meep.

    Zoot: Hey, don't we have a gig around here, or something, or somewhere?

    Pops: Sorry, I got a dental appointment.

    Janice: It's like this, Kermit, I have to go to work all day...

    [everyone starts talking at once]

    Fozzie: [shouting] Hold it!

    [everyone stops talking]

    Fozzie: Shame on you! I thought we were in this thing together. I'm just as scared as you are, but this has to be done! We don't want the bad guys to win. We gotta do this f-f-for justice! For freedom! For honesty!

  • Gonzo: [Referring to Big Ben] Is that the Eiffel Tower?

    Fozzie: Yeah!

    Kermit: No.

    Fozzie: No. No.

  • Kermit: [standing outside the Mallory Gallery] How do we get in?

    Fozzie: I suggest we ring the door bell.

  • Kermit: [shouting] Uh, taxi! Taxi!

    [to Fozzie]

    Kermit: I don't know why the cabs won't stop.

    Gonzo: Just leave it to me.

    [throws himself in front of a cab]

    Gonzo: Taxi!

    KermitFozzie: Aaaaahhh!

    [the cab stops]

    Kermit: Uh, that's very effective.

    Gonzo: Yeah, it's great when it works!

  • [Gonzo appears on live TV]

    Clifford: Hey, you better get down there, Kerm.

    Kermit: Relax. No one is going anywhere, okay?

    Gonzo: [on TV] You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and then it was confirmed to me by the Cosmic Fish that I am definitely from outer space.

    Rizzo: So you want to go now, or wait for the commercial?

    Kermit: Now.

  • Kermit: Okay, guys. It's up to us. We have to save Gonzo from a whole army of government agents.

    Fozzie: Well, I have a joke book.

    Animal: Drumsticks, drumsticks!

    Pepe: I have some loose jello, okay.

    Kermit: Okay. Well that settles that.

  • Kermit: You know what you are, Gonzo?

    Gonzo: What?

    Kermit: Distinct.

  • Pepe: Hey, Kermit. When will you fix the oven, okay?

    Kermit: What's wrong with the oven?

    [oven explodes]

    Pepe: That.

  • Gonzo: Well, it's just that I'm sick and tired of being a one-of-a-kind freak, that's all.

    Kermit: Gonzo, you are not a one-of-a-kind freak. You're a, uh... uh...

    Gonzo: A whatever?

    Kermit: Well... yeah.

  • Gonzo: Rizzo?

    Rizzo: Gonzo?

    Miss Piggy: Kermy?

    Kermit: Piggy?

    TV Producer: What is going on here?

  • Kermit: He's one of us. And no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles we face, we NEVER forget one of our own.

    Miss Piggy: I love it when you take charge.

    Fozzie Bear: Hey! We left Bunsen and Beaker back at the gas station.

    Kermit: Okay... Well, uh, from THIS point on , no matter what happens, we never forget one of our own.

  • Kermit: Okay, guys. We've got to get through those doors.

    Fozzie Bear: Should we just ask permission from those nice men with the rifles?

  • Kermit: [after the 'Door in a Jar' forms but the door is too small] Gee, that's disappointing.

    Miss Piggy: Perfect. Somebody knock and see if Barbie's home.

  • Miss Piggy: I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government and it could be a life-threatening situation!

    Kermit: How can that be great news?

    Miss Piggy: Because, I've got a story, I've got a story! Oh! I need to change! Something that says journalistic integrity.

  • Kermit: [on spy gadgets] Ahah. The old rubber ducky with invisibility-spray trick. Check.

  • Kermit: What is he doing up there?

    Rizzo: His breakfast cereal told him to sit up there.

    Clifford: Talk about whole grain and nuts.

  • Gonzo: Now we can go meet my alien brothers at Cape Doom.

    Kermit: Uh, what makes you think that aliens are landing there, Gonzo?

    Gonzo: Oh, a sandwich told me.

  • Kermit: When we pull together, we can do anything.

  • Kermit: So... you'll write?

    Gonzo: Oh, yeah, sure I'll write. There's probably a mailbox every couple of light years.

  • Kermit: Oh, hey Gonzo! I thought you were performing at a bar mitzvah?

    Gonzo: No, I got the Electric Mayhem to cover for me.

    Dr.Teeth: Shalom!

  • Gonzo: What a great day.

    Kermit: Mm-hmm.

    Gonzo: That was probably the best day of my whole life. There's just one thing I still don't understand.

    Kermit: What's that, Gonzo?

    Gonzo: Why did they ask me to build a jacuzzi?

    RizzoPepe: [snickering]

Browse more character quotes from The Muppet Movie (1979)

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