Max Krassman Quotes in The Muppet Movie (1979)

[Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie]

Miss Piggy: [desperate] Please! Please! Not my frog, please!

Max Krassman: Say goodbye to your frog, pig!

Miss Piggy: Why should I?

Max Krassman: Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.

Miss Piggy: [furious] That does it!

Max Krassman: It is important to remember that you have to hold on to your hat.

Doc Hopper: What for?

Max Krassman: When a German scientist tells you to hold on to your hat, it's not casual conversation. HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! HAT! HOLD!

[Doc Hopper grabs his hat brim]

Max Krassman: Good.

Doc Hopper: I'll be back later to pick up what's left of the frog.

Max Krassman: What's left of the frog? You can have everything - excuse the brain!

[explaining his machine]

Max Krassman: We take your friend, the little F-O-R-G, put him in the chair, clamp on the terminals, drop the electronic "yarmulke," and then throw what we call in German - THE SVITCH!

[laughs]

Max Krassman: Yes, my friend, soon it'll be a hot time in the old skull tonight!

[turns off the switch]

Max Krassman: Thank you, Herr Machine.

Max Krassman: What the heck's going on here? A pig that goes bananas? What is this, a luau?

[putting Kermit in the machine]

Max Krassman: Oh, will you stop whimpering? Go out like a frog, not a little toad. Okay, Herr Machine, this is big time! Ready to go to work? Hand clamps! Foot clamps!

[locks Kermit in]

Max Krassman: Ha, ha, ha, you can struggle all you want now, frog, it'll do you very little *good*! And now, it's time to drop the electronic beanie. Soon you'll have enough voltage coursing through your little frog brain to light up Cincinatti!

Doc Hopper: [about Krassman's machine] What does it do?

Max Krassman: What does it do? What does it do? It turns the brains into guacamole!