Luke Duke Quotes in The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

Luke Duke: You thinkin' about throwin' that?

Uncle Jesse: Oh, I'm gonna throw it... I was thinkin' about pussy.

Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?

Luke Duke: Why?

Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they're *worth* it!

Cooter: [from the unrated version] Here, take my truck.

Luke Duke: Well, what if someone needed a tow?

Cooter: well, if I can't "toe" 'em, i'll just finger 'em.

Uncle Jesse: You know why tornadoes and blonds are so much alike?

Luke Duke: No.

Uncle Jesse: At first, there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.

Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A playboy.

Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn licence!

Luke Duke: What license?

Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party's over.

Boss Hogg: Dam right it is! As long as I'm the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!

Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.

Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?

Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.

Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!

Uncle Jesse: And you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?

Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go 'Dogs!

Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me too.

Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?

Uncle Jesse: For this!

[Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]

Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him too!

Luke Duke: Were you wearing an armadillo helmet when you said it?

Bo Duke: [during car chase in Atlanta] Okay where's the highway?

Katie Johnson: I don't know don't you have a map?

Luke Duke: Wait!

[Luke pulls out a ma]

Luke Duke: i got it... Turn left up here. Tur left. turn left!

[Bo turns right]

Luke Duke: Dammit! I said left!

Bo Duke: I thought you said your left!

Luke Duke: My left is your left!

Bo Duke: I'm going to need these directions faster alright!

Luke Duke: It's okay. I know exactly where wer'e at

[Map flies out the window]

Bo Duke: Hey, Roscoe!

Luke Duke: Hi, Boo-Boo!

Deputy Enos Strate: If Sheriff Rosco knew I was here, Boss Hogg would tan my hide.

Luke Duke: He spanks you?

Luke Duke: Yes. Yes. Wow. Ooh!

[looking at guy on campus]

Luke Duke: [to Bo] You've got to keep an open mind in college.

[pats Bo on the rear]

[from trailer]

Luke Duke: Buckle up, ladies, this might get exciting.

Bo Duke: Hey Man, don't hit him! That's AJ Foyt!

Luke Duke: Really?

Race Car Driver #1: The Fourth!

Bo Duke: Man, I'm already tired of walking.

Luke Duke: Yea, but you need the exercise though, them jeans are looking tighter than Daisy's.

Bo Duke: Man, I'm never gonna get out of this car again! I'm gonna live in it, I'm gonna eat in it, and I'm gonna make sweet love to it!

Luke Duke: You mean you're gonna make sweet love *in* it.

Bo Duke: Oh no, I'm gonna have sex with it.

Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are doin' that?

Uncle Jesse: What I'm about to do, I don't want to remember a lot of it.

[lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]

Royce: Are you really Japanese?

Luke Duke: Dammit, we are high-powered Japanese executives. We work hard and we play even harder. Now tell us what you see there or we'll find ourselves another candidate over at Georgia Polytech.

Bo Duke: [makes sure none of the bottles of moonshine broke] Looks like I won the bet, you son of a bitch.

Luke Duke: Ah, c'mon!

Bo Duke: I didn't break any bottles so I won the bet.

Cooter: [from the edited version] Here, take my truck.

Luke Duke: Well, what if someone needed a tow?

Cooter: I've had 9 tows in 3 years, and you boys have been 8 of 'em!