Pauline Quotes in The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Daisy Duke: They planted a still on our farm.

Pauline: They *planted* a still? Why would they have to plant a still?

Daisy Duke: 'Cause they're too damn dumb to find our real still.

Pauline: An apple?

Uncle Jesse: An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Pauline: They don't fear men since they have started to eat them.

Pauline: What was it about Dad that had us fucking so many guys?

Pauline: What's up?

Malcolm: I don't wanna do this.

Pauline: Come on, don't be that way.

Malcolm: No, I'm not being that way. I just don't feel like it. I'm gonna go back and... I have work to do.

Pauline: Dick doesn't care that you don't make any money.

Malcolm: Is that what you - that's not why. I just hate swimming. I really hate it. It's disgusting to me. My mistake was saying I'd do it to begin with. You have fun.

Pauline: Fine. We'll have fun.

Malcolm: People always pee in the pool.

Pauline: I don't think Dick and Maisy pee in their pool.

Malcolm: I'll bet you 500 dollars there's pee in that pool!

Pauline: I think Becky got it the worst.

Margot: Did she ever. Raped by the horse trainer.

[they burst out laughing]

Malcolm: I have the emotional version of whatever bad feng shui would be I don't know. You tell me. You understand this shit.

Pauline: Did you drink your teas?

Malcolm: Yeah, I drank my fucking teas.

Pauline: I was dating that guy Horace back then. Do you remember him?

Margot: Was that the guy who liked to rough you up?

Pauline: No, that was our dad.

Margot: Our dad used to strip down to his skivvies and beat us with a belt.

Malcolm: That man had a sexual screw loose.

Pauline: That's awful, that stuff that happens to kids. Malcolm was fondled by a male babysitter.

Malcolm: Just use that information however you want.

Margot: He's doing the interview with me in town on Friday. Did I tell you he and I are collaborating on a screenplay? An adaptation of one of Dick's novels.

Pauline: No. I didn't even know you knew he was up here.

Malcolm: [while drawing with Claude and Ingrid] Is he even a good writer? Why do people care about him?

Pauline: You're competitive with everyone. It doesn't even matter if they do the same thing as you. He's competitive with Bono.

Malcolm: It's true. I don't subscribe to the credo that there's enough room for everyone to be successful. I think there are only a few spots available, and people like Dick Koosman and Bono are taking them up.

[continues drawing a picture of a man and woman having sex]

Margot: Malcolm, what would ever make you think that's something to draw right now?

Malcolm: [looks around at what Claude and Ingrid are drawing; crumples up his paper] Sorry. I wasn't thinking about it. Sorry Margot.

Pauline: Margot told Claude something I expressly told her in confidence, and he told Ingrid. I'm stunned that she put me in this position. It's so fucking infuriating!

Malcolm: Well, it's one of those things...

Pauline: Don't say anything, OK? You know what, just be there for me, silently.

Malcolm: OK.

Pauline: Why do I have to be so careful around her, but everyone is allowed to make fun of me?

Malcolm: I don't think...

Pauline: Malcolm, what did I just say? I just need you to take my side. I don't need you to make it better. Ingrid's really upset. Fuck, I can't believe she put me in this position! I didn't tell you before because I didn't want you to feel like you had to marry me. I found out right before our seminar that I'm pregnant.

Malcolm: Uh-huh.

Pauline: Well? Does that sound good to you?

Malcolm: I'm still digesting Margot telling Claude. What a fucking nutjob. Sorry. I think I'm really happy.

Margot: I thought he was a musician.

Pauline: Well, music's officially a hobby. He's painting now, and writing letters to newspapers and magazines. He's very meticulous. He'll spend up to a week writing a response to a music review. He's incredibly smart. Maybe too smart, I don't know. We're doing very well.

Malcolm: I wanna punch that guy in the nose.

Pauline: You've never hit anyone.

Malcolm: I have too!

Pauline: Who?

Malcolm: Lots of people. You don't know them. They're not around cause I punched them.

Pauline: [bursts out laughing]

Pauline: I never believed in you, Tim. I just thought you were charming.

Pauline: When Martin made love to me, I slap his face. I say, I will not be kissed by the valet of a gigolo.

Roxana Hartley: Oh, you mean a crest!

Pauline: Yes, that is it. The paper he writes on, his pajamas, his underwear even. He has hid those things from you.

Roxana Hartley: Oh, well I should hope so!

Roxana Hartley: So, Lord Robert Brummel is afraid I'm like all the other women he's known. He wouldn't marry Roxan Hartley without finding out if she's worthy of him - and after he's made love to half the women of Europe!

Pauline: Naturellement! Men - you know, they are all the same way. They want to try every woman in the world for themselves; but, their wives, that's a coat of a different color.

Pauline: You can't shit a shitter.

Pauline: Peter, did you ever stop and ask yourself how many squares are on a chess board?

Bishton: 64. It's an 8 by 8 grid.

Pauline: Well... but don't you see how limited that is?

Bishton: No, it's actually very complex once you start to think about it as a programming problem. Just the number of possible games explodes exponentially with each move, it's close to 10 to the 120th power. And to try and compute all those games might take even longer than humanity would be around to do so.

Pauline: What do you think boys see in all these overly made-up cum dumpsters?

Pauline: I'm ready to lose my virginity. It's a common misconception that having intercourse during menstruation is unhealthy. When I lose my virginity, I want to be on my period.

Pauline: Solely based on the definition, I don't know a teenager that doesn't profile as a sociopath.

Natalie: Do you purposely leave your house looking like a raging lesbian? You do have the body of a 10-year-old boy.

Pauline: That's a highly unfortunate opinion, especially considering your vagina looks like a diseased axe wound.

Natalie: That's vile.

Pauline: I actually get afraid that I might get a yeast infection just being in the same room with that thing.

Natalie: Look, I spoke with Adam. And I gotta hand it to you, from the sounds of it he's freakier than I imagined, so I dumped him. He's all yours.

Pauline: Forgive my vulgarity, but Adam licks pussy like a dog drinks water. I'm not interested.

Natalie: Suit yourself. You mind if I leave you with some advice?

Pauline: Make it quick. I gotta take a shit.

Natalie: You're disgusting. Stop spending your allowance on birth control and invest in some estrogen pills, 'kay?

Pauline: Never thought I'd say this but I'm starting to miss not having the whole family at breakfast.

Phyllis: I can wake you up for family breakfast if you like.

Pauline: On second thought this is very nice.

Pauline: Well, how does it feel now to be the the weak one? The victim? Flesh for the beast? You've had a taste. And now, I want a taste!

[last lines]

Cassandra: Do you think we'll be waiting long for others to come? I'm hungry.

Irene: [sighs] Such an appetite for such a slight thing.

Cassandra: I'm a growing girl.

Pauline: It's always so lonely here.

Erin Cooper: There's enough greed and lust in the hearts of men out there to keep our doors open for a very long time. Have patience, my sisters. Others will come.

[Pauline is registering]

Pauline: I've decided to join.

Clerk: We don't accept your decisions. You accept ours.

[first lines]

[Happy Jimmy Smith opens a silver dish to reveal a single slice of bacon]

Mr. 'Happy' Jimmy Smith: Pauline, what's this?

Pauline: Bacon.

Mr. 'Happy' Jimmy Smith: Well, I know that but...

Pauline: We've already had our allowance for the month.

Mr. 'Happy' Jimmy Smith: You mean...?

Pauline: Not another slice until Wednesday.

Mrs. Susan Smith: I've never seen such a man for bacon.

Pauline: I've never seen such bacon for a man.

Pauline: Once, my husband told me of this man. He avenges our wrongs. And the bounty killers sure do tremble when he appears. They call him "Silence." Because wherever he goes, the silence of death follows.

Sheriff Burnett: You ain't by some chance one of them no-good bounty hunters, are ya?

[Silence doesn't respond]

Sheriff Burnett: I asked you a question, so answer. I'm a sheriff. Well? Where you come from? How long you intend to stay?

[annoyed]

Sheriff Burnett: If you think you're bein' smart, just watch yourself. Now then, stranger, let's have it...

[grabs him by the arm]

Pauline: He can't answer, sheriff. He's a mute.

Sheriff Burnett: [turns to Silence, embarrased] Well... I'll be. At least you coulda told me. I mean... you coulda let me know, ya know what I mean?

[Silence has been waiting for Pauline]

Pauline: There wasn't time! I'm sorry. I tried... but that Loco had captured 'em. He'd taken them all as hostages to the saloon. He wants to shoot it out with you, just you and him. He said to tell you... if you don't, he'll kill every one of them!

[Silence prepares to leave]

Pauline: But... you can't, Silence! You're hurt real bad. Besides - I'm certain it's a trap. You can't trust him. Don't get involved. You're just one man. Please don't go. Let's run for it. There must be some place we can go. They're gonna kill 'em either way, they're all gonna die! I don't want you dead. I love you.

[Silence walks out of the barn]

[Pauline has tried to sell her house to Pollicut, only for him to try and forcefully seduce her]

Pauline: [to Silence] I didn't get the money... but I still want my revenge. I don't want you to work for nothing. There is one who'd give me the money, right away... if I wanted to... do what he wants. Well... what he wants in exchange is too high a price for me to pay... but I'm willing to pay you. Now, before, after, whenever.

[Silence leaves for the saloon]

Pauline: [pours Silence a drink] I sent for you 'cause I want you to kill a man. How much do you want for him?

[Silence drinks, but doesn't answer. He pours another drink]

Pauline: You could at least answer me! Well? Can't you talk?

[Silence pauses, then pulls back his scarf, revealing a long scar]

Pauline: Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't know. Please excuse me.

Pauline: [to Silence] My husband was a good man. They forced him to steal, to give me a decent life. Because... Pollicut could put a price on his head. He thought if I became his mistress... well, he thought wrong.

Pollicut: Pauline. A pleasure to see you. What can I do for you? Is there something you wanna buy?

Pauline: I didn't come to buy. I came to sell.

Pollicut: And what are you sellin'?

Pauline: Our house. It cost at least five thousand dollars. I'll give it to you for a thousand... 'cause you like cheap things.

Pollicut: [with a wad of cash in hand] May I ask what you need this for? It's a pretty good sum.

Pauline: No.

Pollicut: I shouldn't have brought it up. Just the same... is this to pay a man for a certain crime?

Pauline: That's my business. Just tell me "yes" or "no"? Are you interested in my offer?

Pollicut: Not really. You know you shouldn't crawl for money like this. I wouldn't take advantage of your situation for a thousand dollars. I want you to have it...

[He hands the money to Pauline and forcefully kisses her. She pushes him off her, spits at him and discards the money]

Pauline: I wish it were poison!

[first lines]

Pauline: What does "broccoli" mean"?

Frannie: Depends on the context. Pubic hair or marijuana. It's a noun.

Pauline: And "Virginia"?

Frannie: Vagina. As in, "He penetrated her Virginia with a hammer".

Pauline: I wanna get married once... just for my mom.

Pauline: You oughta go... just for the exercise you should go!

Pauline: You live out of your unconscious.

Frannie: You're a poet of love. The lovelorn man who Sick in soul and of this Busy human heart aweary Worships the spirit Of unconscious life In tree or wildflower Gentle lunatic