Anton Quotes in Spy (2015)

Susan Cooper: Give me your fuckin' coat.

Anton: This is a man's coat.

Susan Cooper: Yeah, but I don't see a man, do I? I see a reject from The Sound of Music.

Anton: You're both named Amber?

Susan Cooper: Whoa, what did I tell you about talking to me?

Anton: Nothing. You said nothing about talking.

Susan Cooper: [holds up her fists] You want me to have Cagney and fucking Lacey explain it to you? Cagney's coming down your fucking throat. Lacey, she's gonna come up your ass. I'm gonna meet them in the fucking middle and play your heart like a *fucking* accordion. I'm gonna pump that shit until it pops, you Swedish bitch!

Anton: You wouldn't dare!

Susan Cooper: You gonna cry, you little Swiss fucking pussy?

Anton: I'm not gonna cry.

Susan Cooper: You're crying now!

Anton: [voice cracks] I'm not! It's so fucking hot.

[Anton leaves the witch's apartment and sees Semyon, Bear and Tiger Cub]

Semyon: Got a smoke? No?

Anton: Sorry I don't smoke.

[Anton walks away]

The Bear: He didn't recognize you. Now what?

Semyon: Nothing... He's a human now.

Anton: Give me the chalk.

Alisa: No.

[holds Alisa]

Anton: Give me the chalk.

Alisa: Scum! Get Away!

Anton: You won't be able to bring him back anyway.

Alisa: I will fix everything!

Anton: You won't fix anything cause it's not your fault.

Alisa: Then who's fault is it anyway!

Anton: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter!

[lets go of Alisa]

Anton: It's my fault for everything.

Geser: Sorry Olga. I have to do this.

Olga: Yes. I understand.

Anton: Do what? Geser gripped their neck. After a few minutes Anton found out that he already was in Olga's body. Olga in Anton's body is smiling. Anton smoked and went out of the room...

Anton: Hey we have a problem. How about the voice?

Olga: Just snap 3 times. It'll change. After snapping their voice also changed. And they kept on walking. Don't smoke and try to walk straight. You're a lady now.

Anton: Why is my ass wiggling?

Olga: Because their mine.

Geser: So where are you gonna stay?

Semyon: Hey Semyon, how about I stay in your room?

Semyon: Really?

Geser: No it's something you can't handle. How about Sveta?

Olga: Sveta will be ok.

Zoar: What's that your reading?

Anton: Just some kind of fairytale.

Zoar: Let me see. The History of Tamerlane. You read this kinds of books?

Anton: Yeah. Their just nothing.

Zoar: Oh, I see.

Anton: My son is stronger than me and so is my trainee.

Zoar: Woah. You're drunk Anton.

Zoar: You have a heart of gold Zoar. How much do I owe you?

Zoar: 100.

Anton: 100 it is. Here.

Tony: If Doctor Parnassus can really control people's mind, why isn't he ruling the world,then? Eh? Why bother with this little... side show?

Anton: 'Side show'? He don't... he don't want to rule the world. He wants the world to rule itself!

Anton: Ladies and gentleman, ladies and gentleman... this world, this world that we live in is full of enchantment for those with eyes to see it. Chicken!

[throws a chicken at the audience]

Anton: [after saving Tony] Hey, he's alive!

Percy: He was.

Anton: [on Tony] He's nothing but a liar, Valentina!

Anton: Hey, I didn't kill anyone on purpose, okay?

Mick: Yeah, well, we weren't in hell! I mean, there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these chicks' voices, and that music...

Anton: Music?

Pnub: Yeah, kinda uncool music, like, Enya. And these chicks' voices, they were saying, "come to us, come towards the light".

Anton: So what happened?

Mick: We figured, fuck it, I mean, it was really far!

Anton: What the fuck are you doing, man? Come on, that's my dad!

Pnub: CPR, man! I saw it on Baywatch, man!

Anton: [while attempting to cut his hand off] This is it, I know it.

Pnub: Those things won't even cut my bagel.

Anton: [Hears moaning coming from Mick's grave] Mick?

Mick: Over here. Anton, help me. Come on, man, I can't breathe down here. Anton? Anton, can you hear me?

Anton: [Kneels and leans over Mick's grave] Mick?

Mick: Yeah man, it's Mick.

Anton: You're dead!

Mick: No I'm not! You conked me on the head pretty good. I must've been unconcious.

Anton: You think?

Mick: I know fucker, now dig me up!

Anton: Who's your daddy now, bitch, huh? Who's your fucking daddy now?

Anton: You lied to me!

Mick: You killed me, let's try to keep this thing in perspective here!

Pnub: Don't you watch the news?

Anton: I hate that fucking show.

Anton: So, what are you guys doing here?

Pnub: We need a place to kick it. Don't be selfish, Anton! No one else's parents are dead!

Anton: [singing] Devil girl, with nothin' to lose, she's got wind in her hair and gum on her sho-o-o-es!

Anton: We're gathered here today... um... because you're all dead.

[Anton is about to chop off his 'evil' right hand]

Mick: Wait a minute. If you chop off your right hand, how are you going to chop the other one off?

Anton: Oh no, man, the lefty's a keeper. I mean, I guess it wasn't idle enough.

Mick: Really?

Anton: Oh yeah, I mean, I hit the remote with it, light up with it, relieve a little tension. No, this is the answer.

Anton: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because you're all dead... and it's all my fault. Mom, Dad, you fed me, kept a roof over my head until I killed you. Which I guess doesn't make me a very good son. But, I'm gonna try to change.

[hand twitches]

Anton: Mick, Pnub I'll never forget all those times we sat around, watched TV and got really, really stoned. And all those other times we just... well I guess that's all we did.

[picks flowers from garden and throws them over the 'graves']

Anton: Amen.

Anton: All I do is sit around all day, smoke pot, watch TV...

Mick: No, no! No Kevin Costner speech, let's just go!

Mick: Anton it's killing me to see me to see you this stressed out man. You cut off your hand in the interest of who knows how many others. So, what I want you to do is take a little Anton time. Okay just relax, kick back my man.

Anton: No, no, no, you know what? Not this time. Okay I'm through with that, I mean all I do is I sit around all day I veg out, I watch TV, I smoke pot...

Mick: No, no, no, no Kevin Costner speeches okay? Let's just go.

Anton: Everybody go home, there's a psycho killer here! I cut off my hand, and now it's gonna kill you all!

Anton: [after cutting his hand off] Where did it go?

Pnub: What, you mean the hand?

Anton: Of course I mean the hand!

Pnub: Try looking up your ass.

Anton: Ms. Byrd something terrible is happening.

Ms. Burns: [deadpanned] Matthew Kragen jumped out a window?

Anton: Not yet, he's still on the windowsill

Sam: Anton, can I ask you something?

Anton: Sure you can.

Sam: Do you ever get homesick? I mean, do you ever want to go back to France?

Anton: You know, I was never so much French until I came here. You know Superman?

Sam: Uh-huh.

Anton: Well, that's me. I'm Superman.

[all the cooks laugh loudly and syncophantically]

Anton: And France was like Krypton. You know, on Krypton everybody was Superman. You make a nice sauce, everybody makes a nice sauce. You say hello to a woman with your French accent, everybody say hello!

[all the cooks yodel "hello" with gusto]

Anton: But here, here on Earth, this is the place where I knew I had special powers. I tell the bankers about my little village in France, and they all say, how brave and amazing you are, Anton. I could read the phone book to a woman and they become hypnotized, wet as morning daisies.

Sam: Just admit it!

Anton: [shouts] What are you talking about?

Sam: [re: Linda] That you were using her to stay in this country! Just the way you used Maggie!

Anton: ...Maggie? I never told you anything about Maggie. Who the hell are you?

Sam: I'm the Milky Way Man, and I know everything!

Anton: I like a man who fights for what he wants. But if you ever mess with me again, I'll rip out your eyes and rape your skull. Excuse my French.

Anton: The midgets coming out of the blue!

Anton: [about Linda] I can't imagine another man touching her hair, her hips, her panties. OH, GOD, her panties!

[finding out that Sam has been working with Maggie, Anton goes berserk and starts beating him up, then realizes what he's doing and sinks into a corner of the room]

Anton: Maggie... was my angel. She brought me here. I was nothing before I met her, just a waiter in a little cafe in Paris. And yeah... I used her. I used her terribly. But I told myself it didn't matter, because I was sure that I would grow to love her. I thought, if I could just love her, it would be all right. The shame would go away. You can't choose who you love, Mike... or whoever the hell you are. And I love Linda. I love Linda.

[sobs]

Anton: More than anything! Who the hell do you think you are to judge? Who the hell do you think you are?

Sam: I'm nobody, Anton. I'm nobody. Nobody to nobody.

[Maggie appears in Anton's apartment and eases down next to him]

Anton: Maggie, I...

Maggie: Shh... say we're even.

Anton: What?

Maggie: Just say it.

Anton: ...Yes. Yes, we are even.

Maggie: Good.

[ruffles his hair affectionately]

Maggie: So how ya been?

Anton: If you so much as come near the Countess, I'll see that you never see the light of day again.

Boris: If a man said that to me, I'd break his neck.

Anton: *I* am a man.

Boris: Well, I mean a much shorter man.

Anton: Grushenko? Isn't he the young coward all St. Petersburg is talking about?

Boris: I'm not so young. I'm thirty-five.

Anton: [after confronting Valentina about a suspected crush she still has on an old boyfriend named Gary] Let's forget about this whole Gary thing for a second. Maybe you were with him, maybe you were just friends, it doesn't matter. What matters is you're over him, and you're with me now. So, let's stop all this stupid fighting, eh?

Valentina: You're right, Anton. What's the point of fighting with a shit for brains, whiny little control freak with no balls, stupid, stinky suck with no sense of style, charm, or personal hygiene? Your feet stink, and they are inhumanly hairy, and sweaty. You rub them up against me at night, and it's like a stray cat. It's like a phlegm-covered fur ball. And you pass a lot of gas when you sleep. It's like being in a chamber full of poo particulates, and I'm suffocating. And you're a mouth-breather. And you... You grunt a lot when you go to the bathroom. The entire ship can hear you. It's like you're passing a Death Star through your ass, Anton. I would rather shit myself publicly than be stuck on this station with you.

Anton: I can see you don't want to talk just now. That's fine. I'm just gonna go and get changed. Get myself a coffee. Come and see me when you're ready.

Arkady Renko: I'm trying to save a life.

Anton: Whose?

Arkady Renko: Mine! I'm on a case that reeks of KGB involvement.

Anton: Do you think deep down he loves her?

Felix Guignol: Dear boy, love is something that takes place before marriage, not during, and never after. For proof, ask any of my four ex-wives.

Kate: I'm sure there's nothing I do that you'd find exciting. I don't open beer bottles with my toes, I don't sit around and count what's left of my teeth, hey, I don't even enjoy a good tractor pull. It's been a limited existence, but I've gotten used to it.

Doug: Life of the party, huh? Place must be crawling with guys.

Kate: As a matter of fact, I do have a boyfriend.

Doug: Well there's a rough gig. What do you do, keep him chained up in the basement?

Kate: Hale at the moment is working in my father's London office, he's an MBA - Harvard. You might have heard of it. They do have a hockey team.

Doug: He must be a very smart guy.

Anton: First positions, please.

Doug: Bet you look pretty good from a few thousand miles away.

Jack Moseley: What about Spindler?

Anton: Spindler? Spindler say before he skate with her, he wear garlic from neck and sleep with cross. Who is left?

[speaks Russian]

Anton: I am at bottom of barrel.

Jack Moseley: Then you find another barrel.

Kate: It's Christmas and we skate. I have the flu and we skate. I have a boyfriend in London that I never see. I skate every day for you, so that you can play Dr. Frankenstein with this guy. I show up every morning for seven months so that you can give him two days to go off whoring in New York City?

Anton: Is not entirely correct.

[pause]

Anton: He went to Boston.

Kate: [about Anton's dangerous new move] It's illegal!

Anton: Legano... Illegano... Is grey area.

Anton: Man and woman together make flower. Douglas, you are stem. Katya, you are petal. Together, we make flower.

Doug: Hey, I'm sorry buddy, I wouldn't wish this on a snake. I'm outta here.

Anton: [shouts in Russian] Enough! Introduction is over, conversation finished! Mouths closed, ears to be opened.

[to Kate]

Anton: Pairs means *two*. You have no partner. You are skating nowhere.

[to Doug]

Anton: And where are you going? Ohh, back to Siberia? Skating on small pond is big excitement. And believe me, Gretzky, I am last person who is coming to look for you.

[pause]

Anton: Good! We skate.

Doug: Yeah, what's the deal - you goof on me, my brother buys you a beer?

Anton: What-what means 'goof'?

Doug: [Unfamiliar with figure skates] Hey, what's the deal with these claws in the front here?

Anton: Is toe pick.

Doug: Toe pick? Let me guess, it has something to personal hygiene.

Kate: I wouldn't let that get in your way.

Doug: I don't let anything get in my way.

Eve: [comes out of the dressing room]

Anton: No, that is not suitable to your shape. Your breasts are exquisite. The dress looks like a potato sack. You're not a potato.

Anton: Sometimes it feels like there is a veil between you and death, but that veil disappears when you lose someone you loved or someone who was close to you, and you see death clearly, for a second, but later the veil returns, and you carry on living. Then things will be alright again.

Alma: What's the matter? Why are you just standing there? Has something happened?

Lina: If something has happened? Well, I don't really know what to say but... All the hens are dead!

Anton: What? Are the hens dead?

Alma: Dead?

Lina: And the rooster is drunk.

Alma: Drunk?

Lina: And the piglet is drunk. And, concerning Emil...

Alma: [worried] Yes?

Lina: Emil is...

Alma: What's the matter with Emil?

Lina: Emil is... also drunk.

Anton: Look what you've done! You silly bitch!

Anton: [singing] Sweet Christina, fair of face; Blest with beauty, filled with grace; Lonely on your virgin bed; You'll stay a virgin till your dead...

Anton: [singing] In your dreams, a handsome lad; Comes creeping towards your virgin bed; Hide your face, don't let him see; one look at it and he will flee...

Anton: [singing] Sweet Christina, don't you cry; It won't be long, before you die; Then from the heavens, a star will fall; For the ugliest angel of them all.

Anton, Karl, Johann: For the ugliest angel of them all!

Anton: I suppose you've - been with lots of men? Hmm?

Christina [Recreated]: And you have been with lots of girls.

Anton: Of course.

Christina [Recreated]: Do you want to come with me?

Anton: Where?

Christina [Recreated]: Anywhere.

Anton: You know, I don't believe you are real. I think you're a meerage -

[laughs]

Anton: a mirage - an oasis in the middle of my desert life.