Aldo Quotes in Spy (2015)

Aldo: One day, lady superspy Susan Cooper, I will fuck you.

Aldo: How do you like my English accent? I learned it from the Downton Abbey!

Aldo: [Yelling] Hey, heroic lady! In my country there is a saying about women like you, "Hot as fuck!",

Susan Cooper: Oh God. Not now, Aldo!

Aldo: Hello, captured lady.

Susan Cooper: Aw, come on!

Aldo: You, in this outfit... Magnifico!

[Susan slams door shut on Aldo]

Susan Cooper: I need you to untie me now.

[Aldo motions to untie her]

Susan Cooper: That's my ass!

Aldo: It is very difficult to see or gauge my position.

Susan Cooper: You're just simply grabbing my ass.

Aldo: Oh, I am sorry.

Aldo: Breakfast is soived.

Snaps: "Served", you paluka!

Snaps: Aldo, you're the witness.

[turns paper towards him]

Snaps: Witness!

Aldo: Aw, boss, you know the rules: Never witness nuthin'. You live longer.

Snaps: Just sign it!

Aldo: [signing] Louie the Lug was a witness, look what happened to him.

Snaps: [pointing to Anthony] Pop this guy!

Aldo: Boss! We can't have a stiff in the house with company coming!

Snaps: You're right. It ain't proper.

Connie: I warned him, boss.

Aldo: Anthony said it was a matter of life and death, boss.

Snaps: And will you two mugs stop callin' me "boss"? It ain't respectable!

Connie, Aldo: Sorry, boss.

Aldo: Lemme me show you tha door;

[shouts]

Aldo: There's tha door!

Aldo: [dead pan] This day has been an emotional rollercoaster.

Snaps: Now take Louie 'The Lug' McGurk. He died tragically at 25.

Anthony: I'm twenty five. What happened?

Aldo: Somebody stepped on his fingers.

Anthony: And that killed him?

Aldo: He was hanging from a window ledge of the Edison Hotel at the time.

Aldo: Oh, Dr. Poole! Come on in. The boss been expecting you.

Dr. Thornton Poole: [chuckling] Aldo, do you realize what you just did?

Aldo: What?

Dr. Thornton Poole: You used the past participle without a modifier.

Aldo: I did? What's the rap on that?

Oscar: I'm Oscar!

Snaps: Get rid of him!

[beat]

Snaps: Expeditiously.

Aldo: Right, boss.

[Oscar screams as he is forcibly removed]

Aldo: Oh, I'm sorry. Rolf's a better bodyguard than a driver.

Rolf: How you're doing?

Howard: Rolf, huh? What happened to Trip? You guys broke up?

Aldo: Don't be ridiculous, Howard. I'm a happily married man.

Howard: Yeah, so is Mr. Brady.

Aldo: You never learn, do you, pal? So sad...

Aldo: [after being rejected over Howard as the young star's agent] For this guy? He's a fucking punchline!

Giovanni: [Aldo is trying to convince himself that Claudia and her husband don't exist - Aldo is looking at Giovanni with a shocked look on his face] What the hell do you want?

Aldo: [turns back to the steering wheel] Holy Mary!

Giovanni: Where's he going, that bastard?

Aldo: [seeing Giovanni in his rear-view mirror] Oh, please! Why? *Why me?*

Aldo: [covers his eyes with one hand and keeps his other hand on the steering wheel] I'll count to three. 1... 2... 3!

[crashes into the back of Giacomo's car]

Giovanni: [seeing the crashed cars] No!

[crashes into them]

Navicomp Voice: Turn right in 500m.

Navicomp Voice: Turn

[Aldo slaps the speaker - navicomp voice becomes distorted]

Navicomp Voice: right

[Aldo slaps it again]

Navicomp Voice: in 400m.

[voice goes off]

Aldo: Shut up, bitch!

Aldo: [the taxi is shaking] What the hell is going on? What's happening?

[the taxi drags to a stop]

Whitney: Little early to be drinking, isn't it?

Aldo: It's five o'clock SOMEWHERE in the world.

Whitney: Yeah, but it's two o'clock here.

Aldo: And how are the coupons, Mrs. Brady?

Whitney: I already saved us ten bucks.

Aldo: You are gonna make a great wife someday.

Whitney: Is that a proposal, big guy?

Taylor: Oh, no way. Aldo loves variety. He could never settle for just one guy.

Taylor: Just tell Whit I want to be left alone. I need a little Taylor time.

Aldo: How about a goodbye rub?

Aldo: I will never be irrelevant in our life. I could call your parents right now and rock their holy world.

Whitney: Well, you know what? I'm just trying to distract myself while I give Taylor some space.

Aldo: Then knit me a sweater, homo.