Wichita Quotes in Zombieland (2009)

Columbus: [Columbus and Wichita are drinking wine] 1997. Was that a good year?

Wichita: Yeah! 1997 was a great year! I saw my first R-rated movie... Anaconda. Got my first tattoo, a porpoise. Fake. Had my first kiss... Scotty Lynch.

Columbus: Did you guys...

[gestures with fingers]

Columbus: ...use tongue?

Wichita: [laughs] Maybe. Why, are you jealous of Scotty Lynch?

Columbus: Yes. Actually, I think I'm jealous of your whole 1997. Let me see... I think... 1997 I had my first orthodontist appointment... bastard gave me headgear... I got my first B...

[Wichita laughs]

Columbus: ...almost as scary as Anaconda... went to my first dance. Sadie Hawkins, so it was ladies' choice...

[pauses]

Wichita: And nobody picked you?

Columbus: Well, it was ladies' choice.

Wichita: [pauses in disbelief] ... No! Those bitches! No, I will not stand for this.

[stands, offers Columbus her hand]

Wichita: On behalf of all the eighth grade girls, I would like to dance with you.

[Columbus looks at her, takes another swig of wine]

Wichita: Don't worry. Scotty's old news.

Little Rock: No Twinkies.

Tallahassee: Shit! fuck!

Wichita: See, I told you we should have gone to Russell Crowe's! No one listens to me!

[from trailer]

Wichita: Let's play the quiet game.

Columbus: I've actually been meaning to ask you, have you been to Columbus, because I've been trying to...

Wichita: Have you never played the quiet game?

Tallahassee: Bill Murray, you're a zombie?

[Wichita hits Bill in his back with a golf club]

Bill Murray: [cries in pain] Ow, I'm on fire! Ouch!

Tallahassee: You're not a zombie, you're talking and... You're okay?

Bill Murray: The hell I am.

Wichita: I'm sorry. I didn't know it was... It was "you" you.

Tallahassee: Are you...? What's with the get-up?

Bill Murray: Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. Zombies don't mess with other zombies. Buddy of mine, makeup guy, he showed me how to do this. Corn starch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies. Suits my lifestyle, you know. I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there.

Bill Murray: You are staring at me. It's a hairpiece! It's a piece.

Wichita: It's - I'm sorry. No, it's just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen.

Bill Murray: I just saw Eddie Van Halen.

Wichita: Nuh-uh.

Tallahassee: Really?

Bill Murray: Yeah.

Wichita: Wow.

Tallahassee: Where?

Bill Murray: The Hollywood Bowl.

Tallahassee: And how was he?

Bill Murray: He's a zombie.

Wichita: Aw. Tough break.

Wichita: You know between you, me and "What About Bob?"... You're actually kinda cute.

Columbus: You think so?

Wichita: Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy but I could hit that.

Columbus: Really?

Wichita: Or at least give you the intentional walk to first.

Wichita: [playing Monopoly] Ooh! Free parking...

Little Rock: Yeah.

Wichita: -which coincidentally is the best thing about Zombieland.

Columbus: You want to know the best thing about Z-land? No- no Facebook status updates. You know, Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday. Who cares?

Tallahassee: The best thing is no more flushing. Epic.

Wichita: You have just survived the zombie apocalypse and drove half way across the country... where are you gonna go?

Little Rock: [sticks arms up in air] I'm going to Pacific Playland! Woo!

Wichita: [Bill Murray lets out a long exhale, like he's taken his last breath, then inhales and does it again, before dying; Wichita suddenly bursts out giggling, everybody stares at her] I'm sorry, he just gets me. But, it's really sad.

Wichita: [In a deleted scene, right after the girls steal the hummer, they are riding, talking about Tallahassee] The muscles, and the way he sucked in his stomach, I'm guessing 8th grade PE teacher. I could see him in power-blue dolphin shorts.

Little Rock: Or pool guy. Or concert security!

Wichita: Maybe we're underestimating him...

[Tallahassee is shown spinning a sign on the street, and then he accidentally throws it at someone's car]

Little Rock: Nah...

Wichita: And the skinny one?

[Referring to Columbus]

Little Rock: Get some sun!

Wichita: I know... He kinda screamed 'Kinko's'...

Little Rock: Or... Lady Foot Locker!

Columbus: [Columbus is then seen inside of a Tech Town playing Guitar Hero. He then accidentally hits a kid with the guitar] Whoa whoa whoa... Get him...

Little Rock: You know what's amazing?

Wichita: What?

Little Rock: That they got this far. I mean, they should be so proud...

Wichita: I know! They can die happy.

Wichita: [Little Rock then looks out the window and sees two dead zombies, and stares at Wichita, implying that they should go back] No.

Little Rock: Okay...

Wichita: NO!

Little Rock: OKAY!

Wichita: We are not going back! What did we say?

Little Rock: Trust no one. Just you and me.

Wichita: Yeah. You and me... Even if it means leaving behind the slow and the weak...

Little Rock: Or... One slow and one weak.

Wichita: Right...

Little Rock: Y'know... I saw this Discovery Channel show... On like wildebeest herds or something... They always wait for the slow and the weak... Y'know... That way, when the lions show up, they only eat the slow and the weak...

[Wichita then stops the car, preparing to turn around and go back for them]

Wichita: You know, this reminds me of the time when, uh, we were just talking about something and all of a sudden started to kiss.

Wendy: Don't you get it? We're responsible for our own evolution! We can affect change! The work booklet says...

Wichita: Hush. Nobody changes at summer camp. They merely find out who they are and become it more. Oh, we can't be friends if we disagree?

Wendy: Idunno.

Wichita: That word of yours is really starting to piss me of. "Idunno." What do you know?

Wendy: I know that I can't go another summer where I almost did something or almost met a boy. What do you know, smarty-pants?

Wichita: Counselor Wendy... um, I can't seem to find that vital thingy in the storage room.

Wendy: Gadzooks! Why didn't you say something before?

Wichita: I don't know, it's like between family, friends, Playstation, internet, it's possible for a person to go their whole lives without ever listening to their soul.

Wichita: Good to see you're free.

Immaculada Boxer: Submission is the greatest expression of agency as long as you're a fucking genius in the moment.

Wichita: What are you gonna do with this memento?

Immaculada Boxer: I need to baptize something!

Wichita: Now, Immaculada, as you travel, you should know that there will be several treasure options. Many of the treasures you find will be intangible, yet invaluable, and otherwise unobtainable, treasures that you will be able to choose over more materialistically rewarding prizes. It's almost like you're following the clues to get to the next treasure on the ground and also in your own heart. Are you ready to go?

Immaculada Boxer: I'm so ready!

Wichita: Okay, here's the first trick. The first clue-trick.