Mother-In-Law quotes:

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The mother-in-law is the centre of a family. -- Les Dawson
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. -- Hubert H. Humphrey
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
My mother-in-law's from Norway, and she's always liked old-school remedies. -- Lindsey Vonn
Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law. -- Hubert H. Humphrey
The only thing more intimidating than a huge international film star is your mother-in-law. -- Benjamin Walker
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. -- Henny Youngman
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked. -- Les Dawson
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. -- Les Dawson
A car is like a mother-in-law - if you let it, it will rule your life. -- Jaime Lerner
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. -- Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it. -- Les Dawson
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' -- Joan Rivers
When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that's something. -- Lou Gehrig
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig. -- Les Dawson
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.' -- Les Dawson
But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses. -- Jerome K. Jerome
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.' -- Les Dawson
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in. -- Les Dawson
I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing. -- Les Dawson
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' -- Les Dawson
I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity. -- Ayelet Waldman
When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all. -- Jasper Carrott
My mother-in-law, Nanny, spent her working years as a bookkeeper at a medical office in Columbus, Ohio. Like so many Americans, she worked hard and paid into Medicare, knowing that one day she could count on having high-quality health care when she needed it most. -- Ann McLane Kuster
I cut 'Diamond in My Crown' in my home in Georgia, because I wanted to use an old 1848 pump organ that my mother-in-law had gotten for Emory for Christmas one year. His mother would be proud to know that pump organ was made use of. -- Patty Loveless
I went to dinner with my mother-in-law and I just realized I was talking in sound bites to her and expecting her to laugh every time I said anything or be jotting something down in a notebook. So you have to kind of really have a talk with yourself after you've done a press tour and say, 'Chill out!' -- Emily Mortimer
My mother-in-law is obsessed with clowns. -- Seth
Behind every successful person, stands a very successful mother-in-law. -- Lou Holtz
Scrum is like your mother-in-law, it points out ALL your faults. -- Ken Schwaber
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth. -- Milton Berle
A mother gives you a life, a mother-in-law gives you her life. -- Amit Kalantri
A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though. -- Vladimir Zhirinovsky
Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law. -- Mark Twain
The mother of a trophy wife is not automatically a trophy mother-in-law. -- John Grisham
I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death. -- Phyllis Diller
Give up all hope of peace so long as your mother-in-law is alive. -- Juvenal
Peter remained on friendly terms with Christ notwithstanding Christ's having healed his mother-in-law. -- Samuel Butler
My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12. -- Phyllis Diller
I love my mother-in-law and I think I'm a really good one, too. -- Reba McEntire
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it. -- Henny Youngman
I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her. -- Ken Dodd
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. -- Milton Berle
a bride who is bullied by her mother-in-law will herself become a bad mother-in-law. -- Sin-Itiro Tomonaga
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. -- Josh Billings
My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog. -- Gary Delaney
I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We're both Leos, we understand each other. -- Tori Amos
Yet you would not drive a car with your mouth unless you are my mother-in-law. -- Jean-Louis Gassee
My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale. -- Les Dawson
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock. -- Henny Youngman
a mother-in-law's praise says more in a woman's favor than anything else in the world. -- Caroline Pafford Miller
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I know my mother-in-law would drive two hours to go see a movie that I'm in. -- Melanie Lynskey
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in. -- Milton Berle
I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it. -- Les Dawson
They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac. -- David Mamet
I have no problem putting my feet up and watching football but my mother-in-law is always doing stuff. -- Seal
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband. -- Phyllis Diller
I don't think you have to live in the fantasy world of Westeros to have problems with your mother-in-law. -- Natalie Dormer
Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid. -- Ian Botham
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps. -- Les Dawson
A lot of women have trouble with their mothers-in-law." Raphael's look was priceless. "My mother is an insane archangel. -- Nalini Singh
But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced. -- Wanda Sykes
The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology. -- James G. Frazer
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. -- Lenny Bruce
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. -- Henny Youngman
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I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image. -- Bernard Manning
Just because you're unemployed doesn't mean you're not doing anything useful. You are, for example, at least keeping your mother-in-law's wit sharp. -- Marilyn vos Savant
Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses. -- St. Jerome
You know you've built a product that can hit the mainstream when your wife, your father, and your mother-in-law can get involved. -- Josh Kopelman
We never make sport of religion, politics, race or mothers. A mother never gets hit with a custard pie. Mothers-in-law-yes. But mothers-never. -- Mack Sennett
I cook mostly vegetarian vegetable and bean stews. Quinoa salads. I make my mother-in-law's recipe for chicken and barley stew all the time. -- Gail Simmons
If there's an award for best mother-in-law in the universe, in the future, when my son gets married, I will win that award. -- Laura Schlessinger
I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law. -- Lord Byron
They (mothers-in-law) never leave when they say they will. When my mother-in-law visits, the mice throw themselves at the cat, begging to be eaten. -- Lisa Kleypas
The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law. -- Jarod Kintz
We really have no definition of mother in our law books. Mother was believed to have been so basic that no definition was deemed necessary. -- Marianne O. Battani
Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife. -- Harriet Lerner
If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living room. -- Lyndon B. Johnson
Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months. -- Jay Leno
To have one's mother-in-law in the country when one lives in Paris, and vice versa, is one of those strokes of luck that one encounters only too rarely. -- Honore de Balzac
What can you say about a man, who on Mother's Day sends flowers to his mother-in-law, with a note thanking her for making him the happiest man on Earth? -- Nancy Reagan
My mother-in-law was with me during all four of my births and when she was sitting next to me holding my hand during the cesareans, well, I craved that. -- Patricia Heaton
My mother-in-law speaks not a word of English. I speak not a word of Tajiki. So I smile at her ingratiatingly and she fixes me with a beady eye. -- Wilbur Smith
We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to be cremated." I said, "Alright, get your coat." -- Dave Spikey
I'm sitting at the dinner table, wearing my future mother-in-law's underwear. It's like some twisted dream that you wake up and thinkL Crikey Moses! Thank God that didn't really happen! -- Sophie Kinsella
Is anyone saying same-sex couples can't love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too? -- Rick Santorum
Picasso was a delightful, kindly, friendly, simple little man. When I met him he was extremely excited and overjoyed that his mother-in-law had just died, and he was looking forward to the funeral. -- Edith Sitwell
I don't think I'd like Manhattan anymore. My mother-in-law lives there, and you go there. But I like looking at it from a distance. It's a fantastic sight - every time, it awes me. -- Martin Amis
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.' -- Les Dawson

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