Mark Twain quotes:
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
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The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
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Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
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Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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When in doubt tell the truth.
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The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
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Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
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The lack of money is the root of all evil.
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I've never let my school interfere with my education.
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Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
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Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
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Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
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I never let schooling interfere with my education.
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Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.
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Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
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Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
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Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
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Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
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When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
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Buy land, they're not making it anymore.
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What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
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There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
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It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it.
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No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
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Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
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But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
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It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
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Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
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Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
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It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
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I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.'
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
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The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.
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Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
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There are lies, damned lies and statistics.
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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
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Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
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Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
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If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.
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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
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All right, then, I'll go to hell.
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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
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Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
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To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
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It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
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Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
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I can live for two months on a good compliment.
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The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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Humor is tragedy plus time.
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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You gwyne to have considerable trouble in yo' life, en considerable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
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After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
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Which is him?" The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday."
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The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying."
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A hypocritical businessman, whose fortune had been the misfortune of many others, told Mark Twain piously, "Before I die I intend to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I want to climb to the top of Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud." "I have a better idea," suggested TwainWhy don't you stay right at home in Boston and keep them?"
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Dance like no one's watching, live every day like it's your last and love like you've never been hurt. Mark Twain"
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The stranger's first feeling, when suddenly confronted by that towering and awful apparition wrapped in its shroud of snow, is breath-taking astonishment. It is as if heaven's gates had swung open and exposed the throne. (Twain on seeing the Jungfrau.)"
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ALL of Mark Twain's! Just go to his quote page - https://www.goodreads.com/author/quot..."
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Mark Twain describes how his friend Ralph Keeler introduced him at the start of a lecture: " 'I don't know anything about this man. At least I know only two things; one is, he hasn't been in the penitentiary, and the other is (after a pause, and almost sadly), I don't know why."
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Mark Twain, cynical about so much else, has a particular reverence in the Holy Land for "sitting where a god has stood". What flabbergasted him was that his traveling companions would be in such a sanctified environment and winter what they saw according to other writers or their denominational background instead their own experience with the holy."
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Love Mark Twain! Here is one from him:"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."Yep!Succinct! rest my case, why he is my all time favourite!"
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The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it."
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages."
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force."
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So I learned then, that gold in it's native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and that only low-born metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica. Commonplace human nature cannot rise above that."