Mother In Law quotes:

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Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken
Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law. -- Hubert H. Humphrey
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. -- Henny Youngman
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. -- Josh Billings
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. -- Phyllis Diller
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps. -- Les Dawson
The mother-in-law is the centre of a family. -- Les Dawson
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. -- Hubert H. Humphrey
My mother-in-law's from Norway, and she's always liked old-school remedies. -- Lindsey Vonn
Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law. -- Mark Twain
A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though. -- Vladimir Zhirinovsky
The only thing more intimidating than a huge international film star is your mother-in-law. -- Benjamin Walker
I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her. -- Ken Dodd
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. -- Les Dawson
I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We're both Leos, we understand each other. -- Tori Amos
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock. -- Henny Youngman
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked. -- Les Dawson
I know my mother-in-law would drive two hours to go see a movie that I'm in. -- Melanie Lynskey
A car is like a mother-in-law - if you let it, it will rule your life. -- Jaime Lerner
My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it. -- Les Dawson
I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it. -- Les Dawson
I have no problem putting my feet up and watching football but my mother-in-law is always doing stuff. -- Seal
There should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months. -- Gisele Bundchen
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' -- Joan Rivers
But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced. -- Wanda Sykes
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. -- Henny Youngman
My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere. -- John Barrymore
We never make sport of religion, politics, race or mothers. A mother never gets hit with a custard pie. Mothers-in-law-yes. But mothers-never. -- Mack Sennett
Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses. -- St. Jerome
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.' -- Les Dawson
I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law. -- Lord Byron
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' -- Les Dawson
If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living room. -- Lyndon B. Johnson
Is anyone saying same-sex couples can't love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too? -- Rick Santorum
Picasso was a delightful, kindly, friendly, simple little man. When I met him he was extremely excited and overjoyed that his mother-in-law had just died, and he was looking forward to the funeral. -- Edith Sitwell
The perfect family doesn't exist, nor is there a perfect husband or a perfect wife, and let's not talk about the perfect mother-in-law! It's just us sinners." A healthy family life requires frequent use of three phrases: "May I? Thank you, and I'm sorry" and "never, never, never end the day without making peace. -- Pope Francis
You didn't happen to see your future mother-in-law at that meeting today, did you?" May as well milk the effort. "Yes, the hormonal carp was present." "Marshall!" "She blew me a new one, as you would say.""She ripped you a new one," I correct. "The word blow has an entirely different meaning. I suggest you remove it from your lexicon. -- Addison Webster Moore
As one whose husband and mother-in-law have died the victims of murder and assassination, I stand firmly and unequivocally opposed to the death penalty for those convicted of capital offenses. An evil deed is not redeemed by an evil deed of retaliation. Justice is never advanced in the taking of a human life. Morality is never upheld by a legalized murder. -- Coretta Scott King
My mother-in-law is obsessed with clowns. -- Seth
Behind every successful person, stands a very successful mother-in-law. -- Lou Holtz
Scrum is like your mother-in-law, it points out ALL your faults. -- Ken Schwaber
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth. -- Milton Berle
The mother of a trophy wife is not automatically a trophy mother-in-law. -- John Grisham
A mother gives you a life, a mother-in-law gives you her life. -- Amit Kalantri
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it. -- Henny Youngman
Peter remained on friendly terms with Christ notwithstanding Christ's having healed his mother-in-law. -- Samuel Butler
I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death. -- Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12. -- Phyllis Diller
Give up all hope of peace so long as your mother-in-law is alive. -- Juvenal
I love my mother-in-law and I think I'm a really good one, too. -- Reba McEntire
My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog. -- Gary Delaney
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. -- Milton Berle
Certainty is the mother of repose, and therefore the common law aims at certainty. -- Philip Yorke, 1st Earl of Hardwicke
a bride who is bullied by her mother-in-law will herself become a bad mother-in-law. -- Sin-Itiro Tomonaga
Yet you would not drive a car with your mouth unless you are my mother-in-law. -- Jean-Louis Gassee
a mother-in-law's praise says more in a woman's favor than anything else in the world. -- Caroline Pafford Miller
My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale. -- Les Dawson
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in. -- Milton Berle
They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac. -- David Mamet
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband. -- Phyllis Diller
Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid. -- Ian Botham
I don't think you have to live in the fantasy world of Westeros to have problems with your mother-in-law. -- Natalie Dormer
When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that's something. -- Lou Gehrig
The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology. -- James G. Frazer
A lot of women have trouble with their mothers-in-law." Raphael's look was priceless. "My mother is an insane archangel. -- Nalini Singh
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My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. -- Lenny Bruce
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig. -- Les Dawson
I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image. -- Bernard Manning
You know you've built a product that can hit the mainstream when your wife, your father, and your mother-in-law can get involved. -- Josh Kopelman
Just because you're unemployed doesn't mean you're not doing anything useful. You are, for example, at least keeping your mother-in-law's wit sharp. -- Marilyn vos Savant
I never felt like a good Jew. My mother was not Jewish, and that makes me a non-Jew according to Jewish religious law. -- Stephane Hessel
I cook mostly vegetarian vegetable and bean stews. Quinoa salads. I make my mother-in-law's recipe for chicken and barley stew all the time. -- Gail Simmons
If there's an award for best mother-in-law in the universe, in the future, when my son gets married, I will win that award. -- Laura Schlessinger
The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law. -- Jarod Kintz
They (mothers-in-law) never leave when they say they will. When my mother-in-law visits, the mice throw themselves at the cat, begging to be eaten. -- Lisa Kleypas
But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses. -- Jerome K. Jerome
I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing. -- Les Dawson
Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife. -- Harriet Lerner
We really have no definition of mother in our law books. Mother was believed to have been so basic that no definition was deemed necessary. -- Marianne O. Battani
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in. -- Les Dawson
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.' -- Les Dawson
The paramount destiny and mission of woman is to fulfill the noble and benign offices of wife and mother. That is the law of the Creator. -- Joseph P. Bradley
Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months. -- Jay Leno
To have one's mother-in-law in the country when one lives in Paris, and vice versa, is one of those strokes of luck that one encounters only too rarely. -- Honore de Balzac
My mother-in-law speaks not a word of English. I speak not a word of Tajiki. So I smile at her ingratiatingly and she fixes me with a beady eye. -- Wilbur Smith
My mother-in-law was with me during all four of my births and when she was sitting next to me holding my hand during the cesareans, well, I craved that. -- Patricia Heaton
What can you say about a man, who on Mother's Day sends flowers to his mother-in-law, with a note thanking her for making him the happiest man on Earth? -- Nancy Reagan
I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity. -- Ayelet Waldman

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