The Blue Raja Quotes in Mystery Men (1999)

The Blue Raja: May the forks be with us.

[the trio talks about recruiting more heroes for the team]

The Blue Raja: Well, there's The Sphinx, of course.

Mr. Furious: The what?

The Blue Raja: The Sphinx.

The Shoveller: I know this guy. Big crime-fighter from down South. Big-league hitter down there.

Mr. Furious: What's his power?

The Blue Raja: Well, he's terribly mysterious.

Mr. Furious: [dismissively] That's it? That's his power? He's mysterious?

The Blue Raja: Well, TERRIBLY mysterious.

The Shoveller: Plus he can, like, cut guns in half with his mind.

The Blue Raja: Sorry, but am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?

The Bowler: No, the guy at the pro shop did it.

Mr. Furious: [talking about Carmine the Bowler] Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.

The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.

The Blue Raja: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.

The Bowler: As have I.

Invisible Boy: [after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked] I'm invisible. Can you see me?

The Blue Raja, The Shoveller, Mr. Furious, The Sphinx, The Bowler, The Spleen: Yes!

Mr. Furious: Wow.

The Blue Raja: Two hands there, son.

[Invisible Boy covers up]

The Bowler: Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

[Mr. Furious, the Blue Raja, and the Shoveller are sneaking across Frankenstein's property to undertake some reconnaissance]

Mr. Furious: Shh! Wait! Hear that? We must have hit a trip-wire. It could be a proton eviscerator heating up.

The Shoveller: It could be a cybernetic atom scrambler. They target moving objects.

The Blue Raja: It sounds more like a heat-seeking anthrax projection gun to me. Quickly, cover your mouths.

Mr. Furious: No, let's bolt! Come on!

The Shoveller: No! Don't move.

The Blue Raja: Don't breathe!

Mr. Furious: Let's bolt!

The Shoveller: Don't move!

The Blue Raja: Don't breathe!

Mr. Furious: Let's bolt!

The Shoveller: Don't move!

[a sprinkler system turns on and the three are soaked]

The Shoveller: [disgustedly] Ohh, it's the sprinkler.

The Blue Raja: I say, what the fork! Let's do it!

[the Mystery Men have accidentally killed Capt. Amazing]

The Blue Raja: Oh my god. Oh my god, we killed him.

[the Shoveller is standing on the other side of the room]

The Shoveller: What do you mean *we*? I was standing right here.

[Mr Furious recommends a publicist for him and his friends]

The Shoveller: What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked, a lot?

Mr. Furious: Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.

The Shoveller: All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.

The Blue Raja: Oh, oh I get it, so YOUR shovel in HIS face is MY fault?

The Shoveller: You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff!

Mr. Furious: Yeah, what was up with that?

The Blue Raja: I, I, I am embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.

The Shoveller: You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?

The Blue Raja: No, I can't! You couldn't, uh, use a rake sometimes?

The Shoveller: No. I'm the Shoveler.

The Blue Raja: Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy - I'm the Blue Raja.

Mr. Furious: Yeah, that's another thing...

The Blue Raja: What?

Mr. Furious: Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything BUT blue.

The Blue Raja: Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment...

Blue Raja's mother: [the Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer] Jeffrey, what are you doing?

The Blue Raja: Um, I was just, um, uh, um, I'm, uh...

[shifts to British accent]

The Blue Raja: I'm a superhero, mother.

Blue Raja's mother: A superhero?

The Blue Raja: An effete British superhero, to be precise. I am pilfering your tableware because I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The Blue Raja is my name. And yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. The point is, your boy's a limey fork-flinger, Mother. Hard to swallow, I know, but there 'tis. What will the bridge club think?

Blue Raja's mother: You need more forks?

The Blue Raja: Well, I'd better get going. I got a city to save.

Blue Raja's mother: Jeffrey?

The Blue Raja: Yeah.

Blue Raja's mother: Do the accent.

The Blue Raja: Oh. Uh, well...

[shifts to British accent]

The Blue Raja: Well, I'd love to stay and chit-chat, Mother, but I fear I must away with me - our metropolis is in the clutches of madmen!

Blue Raja's mother: Jeffrey?

The Blue Raja: Yeah?

Blue Raja's mother: Cheerio.

The Blue Raja: Mother, I really should get going.

Blue Raja's mother: Oh. Oh, okay.

The Blue Raja: Thanks, Mom.

[He hugs and kisses her before leaving]

[commenting On The Disco Boy's arsenal]

Mr. Furious: What? Guns? That's your power, you shoot guns?

The Blue Raja: There's no theme at all here.

Mr. Furious: Weak.

The Blue Raja: At best.

[a Disco Boy wields a pipe]

The Shoveller: And who are you supposed to be, the Disco Plumber?

[they high-five each other]

Mr. Furious: See, you've got a chain, I would at least make it a gold chain. That's just off the top of my head.

Mr. Furious: [to Tony C, referring to his outfit] What's up, Tiger Lily?

Tony C.: Top of your head, huh.

[Tony C pistol-whips Furious]

Tony C.: [the Disco Boys proceed to beat the hell out of Furious, Blue Raja, and the Shoveller]

Tony P.: You guys never learn, do you?

The Blue Raja: Apparently we don't, ass.

The Blue Raja: I'm not StabMan, I'm not KnifeyBoy, I'm the Blue Raja.

Mr. Furious: [referring to the Blue Raja's costume] Yeah, that's another thing... why are you the Blue Raja? I mean, you've got green, you've got a little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything but blue.

The Blue Raja: ...I will fork-give you if you fork-get. Haha... who's next?

Mr. Furious: I'm a wannabe. I AM a wannabe - a TRUE wannabe, in the worst sense of... You guys are gonna have to go fight this battle without me.

The Spleen: You start doubting your super-powers, man, you are SHAFTED!

Mr. Furious: If I had any super-powers to doubt, I w... I guess I'd be in trouble, but I don't. What do I do? I don't. I don't. I go... What do I... I go 'R-r-r-r-r-r'!

The Spleen: What? What are you talking about? You lifted a bus once!

The Blue Raja: Yes, precisely! That story's legend'ry!

Mr. Furious: Yeah... It was really more of a...

[waves hand sideways]

Mr. Furious: ... a push, really, than a lift.

The Blue Raja: That still takes INCREDIBLE super-human strength.

The Blue Raja: Indeed, it does! To push an entire bus out of the way.

Mr. Furious: Well, actually, the driver kinda had his foot on the accelerator... JUST in the beginning; just to get it going. Then it actually was me. But he kinda...

The Blue Raja: Oh, shit.

The Blue Raja: All I'm saying is, when we split the cheque three ways the steak-eater picks the pocket of the salad-man.

PMS Avenger: [at the tryouts] PMS Avenger. I only work 4 days a month. Anybody have a problem with that?

The Blue Raja, Mr. Furious, The Shoveller, Invisible Boy, The Spleen: [nervously] No, no problem at all. That's good for us. Thank you.

The Spleen: Where's Captain Amazing?

The Blue Raja: There's been a bit of a cock-up, actually...

The Bowler: Raja murdered him!

[an argument starts]

Mr. Furious: Guys, I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now!