The Bowler Quotes in Mystery Men (1999)

The Bowler: [to her father's skull, after avenging his death] OK, now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement.

The Blue Raja: Sorry, but am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?

The Bowler: No, the guy at the pro shop did it.

Mr. Furious: [talking about Carmine the Bowler] Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.

The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.

The Blue Raja: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.

The Bowler: As have I.

Invisible Boy: [after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked] I'm invisible. Can you see me?

The Blue Raja, The Shoveller, Mr. Furious, The Sphinx, The Bowler, The Spleen: Yes!

Mr. Furious: Wow.

The Blue Raja: Two hands there, son.

[Invisible Boy covers up]

The Bowler: Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

[last lines]

[to the news reporters]

The Shoveller: Excuse me, could I say something? I think we would all like this victory to go out to all the other guys, and I'm talking about the people in this city who are super good at their jobs but never get any credit. Like the lady in the DMV - that's a rough job.

Invisible Boy: To the people that remember jingles from tons of old commercials.

The Bowler: And uh, uh, people that support local music and seek out independent film.

The Shoveller: And the guy that drives the snow-plow. And the school nurse, that's a...

Mr. Furious: Eddie, Eddie, I think they got the point.

Becky Beaner: What's the name of this group?

Invisible Boy: The Super Dudes!

The Bowler: No, no, no, not the Super Dudes.

Mr. Furious: We're not the Super Dudes. We don't have a name yet, but we're definitely not the Super Dudes.

The Shoveller: I gotta get home, it's late...

[a photojournalist approaches]

The Bowler: Picture, picture time!

Becky Beaner: Well, whatever you call them, Champion City will forever owe a debt of gratitude to these mystery men.

The Sphinx: Wait! Wait, that's it!... We are the Super Squad.

The Bowler: No, no! Alliteration in these situations is corny... What?

[She opens her bag, where Carmine sits smouldering]

The Bowler: Yes, we're all very aware that you saved the day, and I'm sure we'll be hearing about it for the rest of our lives...

The Shoveller: Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing!

Dr. Heller: Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal.

The Bowler: Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day.

The Bowler: [about to toss her father's skull into the doomsday device] Dad, this is the way it has to be. The upshot is you won't be killed because you're already dead.

The Bowler: There's another chicken. Crazy chicken world.

The Shoveller: Come on, somebody do something, we need him.

The Bowler: Okay. Okay, you're a very furious man, you understand that?

Mr. Furious: No.

The Bowler: No? Well you've got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why: You're not well-liked. You're uh, you're abrasive and off- putting. You try and say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance and therefore nothing is provocative. Just mixed metaphors. Now, doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?

Mr. Furious: No.

The Bowler: Well, it should. Aren't you angry? Come on, man!

The Shoveller: Your penmanship is atrocious!

The Sphinx: You dress in the manner of a male prostitute!

Mr. Furious: We're an elite cadr-cadrey...

The Bowler: Cadre.

The Shoveller: You're in.

[the Spleen walks to the Bowler making kissing noises and clicks tongue]

The Bowler: There's not enough beer in the world, Spleen, I'm sorry.

The Bowler: See now, this is why mad scientists are generally less desirable than your common or garden variety scientist.

Tony P.: You're baby Bowler!

The Bowler: Is that a problem?

Tony P.: Hello, I'm the guy that gave your daddy the shaft. Ha-ha!

The Shoveller: And what do you call this?

Dr. Heller: Careful, careful, that's a Blame Thrower!

The Shoveller: A Blame Thrower? Oops.

[He accidentally activates it]

The Shoveller: Oh, I'm sorry!

[Suddenly the team breaks out into screaming cross-talk as they blame each other for trivia. 'I'm sorry if I smell all the time,' etc. Heller comes to their help and powers the Thrower down]

The Spleen: I'm sorry.

The Bowler: I'm sorry.

[Spleen leans over for a hug, but Bowler waves him away with an admonitory finger]

The Bowler: No, no. No. No no no. No.

The Shoveller: Doctor, you *are* a genius.

Dr. Heller: That's what the card says.

The Bowler: Who would want to rent a chicken?

The Spleen: Where's Captain Amazing?

The Blue Raja: There's been a bit of a cock-up, actually...

The Bowler: Raja murdered him!

[an argument starts]

Mr. Furious: Guys, I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now!