Mindy Macready Quotes in Kick-Ass (2010)

Damon Macready: So... Have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?

Mindy Macready: Can I get a puppy?

Damon Macready: [surprised] You wanna get a dog?

Mindy Macready: Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one, and a Bratz movie-star make over Sasha!

[Damon is stunned]

Mindy Macready: [laughs] I'm just fucking with you Daddy! Look, I'd love a Benchmade model 42 butterfly knife.

Damon Macready: [relieved] Oh, child... You always knock me for a loop!

Mindy Macready: Daddy? I'm scared.

Damon Macready: Come on, Mindy, honey? Be a big girl now. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Mindy Macready: Is it gonna hurt bad?

Damon Macready: Aww, child. Only for a second, sugar.

Damon Macready: [testing her] A handgun bullet travels at? More than?

Mindy Macready: [rolls eyes] 700 miles an hour.

Damon Macready: 700 miles an hour. So at close range like this, the force is gonna take you off your feet for sure, but it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest.

Mindy Macready: [mumbles to herself] I hate getting punched in the chest.

Damon Macready: [cocks gun] You're gonna be fine, baby doll!

[he aims and fires, hitting her squarely in the chest. She goes flying off her feet, landing on her back]

Damon Macready: [walking up to her as she pulls the bullet out of her bullet-proof vest hidden underneath her jacket] How was that? Not so bad. Kinda fun, huh? Now you know how it feels. You won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a glock.

Mindy Macready: [smiling] I wouldn't have been scared anyways!

Damon Macready: That's my girl.

[helping her up]

Damon Macready: Alright, up you get. Two more rounds and then home.

Mindy Macready: Again?

Damon Macready: Uh-huh.

Mindy Macready: Look, only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back.

Damon Macready: The bowling alley?

Mindy Macready: Yeah, and ice cream after!

Damon Macready: [thinking about it for a second] Huh... okay. Two more rounds. No wincing... No whining! And you got yourself a deal, young lady.

Mindy Macready: Yeah! I'm gonna get a hot fudge sundae!

Damon Macready: Good call, baby doll!

[shoots her again]

Damon Macready: [Damon is studying security videos and blueprints for Frank D'Amico's building] We've gotta get *over* it, on *top* of it, and then *into* it! Right in the middle of it!

Mindy Macready: [looks up from the computer screen she's been studying] Daddy, I think I found one. It's perfect, and they can deliver it in three days.

[slightly deflated as she looks at the price]

Mindy Macready: Ah... It's three hundred thousand bucks.

Damon Macready: [walks around the desk to examine her discovery on the the computer screen] Can you think of anything else you'd rather spend it on?

[sees what's on the screen]

Damon Macready: Oooohhhhhhhh, my gosh! That is *cool*!

Mindy Macready: [smiling] Yeah!

Damon Macready: Add to shopping cart.

Mindy Macready: Okay.

[Mindy kisses Dave]

Dave Lizewski: What was that?

Mindy Macready: That was my first kiss. Be nice or I'll rip your ass out through your mouth.

Mindy Macready: Hit me.

Dave Lizewski: You're a 15-year-old girl.

[Mindy slaps Dave]

Dave Lizewski: What the hell?

[Mindy slaps Dave again]

Mindy Macready: Act like a bitch, get slapped like a bitch.

Mindy Macready: If I ever catch you robbing again, shit-burger, I'm going to go to Saudi Arabia on your ass and cut your hand off. Promise me you're done with a life of crime?

Alley Hood: I-I promise.

[grabs a knife but quickly has his hand severed]

Mindy Macready: Pants on fire.

Mindy Macready: You don't have to be a bad-ass to be a superhero, Dave. You just have to be brave.

Dave Lizewski: I want to team up, like Batman and Robin.

Mindy Macready: Nobody wants to be Robin.

Dave Lizewski: What's wrong with Robin? Weren't you like Big Daddy's Robin?

Mindy Macready: Okay, Robin wishes he was me.

Dave Lizewski: What I'm trying to say is we should be partners. You and me, like the dynamic duo.

Mindy Macready: I'm in the NFL, Dave. And you play pee-wee.

Dave Lizewski: So train me. I want to walk the walk, and you're the closest thing I know to a real superhero. Aren't you tired of being on your own? Don't you want to know someone's there for you? Someone who's got your back?

Mindy Macready: Game on, cocksuckers.

Mindy Macready: [in Russian, to Mother Russia] I would've thought a cunt like you could handle all those pricks.

Harlow: Maybe she's a dyke.

Mindy Macready: Maybe I'll jam my foot up your snatch.

[first lines]

Mindy Macready: A handgun bullet travels at more than 700 miles per hour.

[Mindy pulls a gun out]

Dave Lizewski: Hey, whoa! Absolutely not! No.

Mindy Macready: Look, if you don't want to do it, you don't have to do it.

Dave Lizewski: Okay, good. I don't want to do it!

Mindy Macready: Fine.

[Mindy shoots Dave in the chest]

The Tumor: Eat a dick!

Mindy Macready: You're going to eat yours if you don't start talking.

The Tumor: Go ahead and shoot me, you little bitch. There's nothing you can do to make me talk.

[Mindy pistol whips The Tumor]

Dave Lizewski: Hold on. I can't do this right now. It's my dad's funeral.

Mindy Macready: Dave, your father loved you... just like my daddy loved me. And I know it hurts but maybe... maybe that's the real meaning of being a superhero. It's taking that pain and turning it into something good. Something right. Remember what you told me? This is your life. You've got to live it. Now help me find some pliers. I'm going to make this guy eat his own dick.

The Tumor: Seriously?

Brooke: Hi, Detective Williams! This must be Mindy.

Detective Marcus Williams: It is. Hi, Brooke. So you girls have some fun and I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?

Mindy Macready: I'll be the one with the slit wrists.

Mother Russia: Are you ready to die, little girl?

Mindy Macready: I might be, if I have to keep looking at that shit stain you call a face.

Dave Lizewski: You're not scared, to die?

Mindy Macready: Are you scared you're never gonna grow into your big boy pants?

Dave Lizewski: I'm serious. What if Spider-Man or Batman got killed one night? Like, it could happen.

Mindy Macready: If you're scared of dying, one thing is certain - you are going to die. My daddy was never afraid of dying.

Dave Lizewski: Look where that got him.

Mindy Macready: He knew he might have to make the ultimate sacrifice one day. And that's why he made me promise I'd never stop defending this city. Cross my heart, hope to die.

Dave Lizewski: Your dad was insane. You know that, right?

Mindy Macready: You're wrong, Dave. My daddy was the first real superhero. Not you or Red Mist. It was my daddy, and it was an honor to serve by his side.

Detective Marcus Williams: [after catching Mindy as Hit-Girl] Your father was like a brother to me. He was a great cop and a hero. But Big Daddy - that was not your father. Okay? That was someone who robbed you of your childhood. And this... Hit-Girl. That's not who you are. You are Mindy Macready, and you're just starting high school. I understand that you don't know who that person is yet, but you will. You just gotta try.

Mindy Macready: I don't want to.

Detective Marcus Williams: You don't know what you want. You can't. You're not an adult. Not yet.

Mindy Macready: Yeah, well I've done more in my 15 years than most adults have in their lifetime.

Detective Marcus Williams: That note that your father gave you, the one that you were supposed to open if anything ever happened to him, what'd it say?

Mindy Macready: That you would take care of me.

Detective Marcus Williams: And that you were supposed to listen to me, right? Well, listen up. I want you in school, I want you to stop talking to that boy, and I want you to promise me that this is never going to happen again.

Mindy Macready: [after long pause] Cross my heart, hope to die.

[from trailer]

Mindy Macready: Oh take your tampon out... Dave!

Mindy Macready: [after watching Union J's music video] What the fuck was that?

Dolce: I know, right? I'm soaked!

Brooke: That - that is who you are, Mindy. You may not dress like us or talk like us, but when it comes to boys we're all the same. Twilight, Channing Tatum, Union J... it's biology, bitch. Don't fight it.

Mindy Macready: I, um... I gotta go.

Dolce: But we were going to go get high on bath salts at Logan's house!