Leroy Quotes in Kick-Ass (2010)

Leroy: [to Kick-Ass] Who the fuck are you supposed to be? The green condom? You know it ain't Halloween for another few months, kid?

Leroy: All right everybody, drop your tacos or I'll blow your brains out.

Leroy: Hey look Frank. Teeny-boppers. You like video games teeny-boppers? Your mommy give you quarters for video games? Well cough 'em up.

Leroy: Look what we've got here. A little mother and a littler baby. You like Mexican food little baby?

[Leroy points his gun at the baby]

Leroy: Well how would you like to have this hot tamale shoved down your throat?

Peter Stegman: I've had it with you, Leroy. I mean, uh, enough is enough.

Leroy: Hey, man, listen... I didn't do nothin' man.

Peter Stegman: What the fuck... you think I was born yesterday?

Leroy: Hey, man... what's goin' on here?

Peter Stegman: [brutally beating him] We're the only niggers that sell shit in this school.

Leroy: Well, I'll tell you one thing, you're lucky the man wasn't around.

Cody: The man *was* there. Every time we go out we come face to face with the man.

Joel-the-Mole: We take one drink and there's the man, and we hop on our sickles and the man's on our tail.

Cody: Look, the man is out there, and he's gonna bust us all.

Cody: I've decided we're gonna split from this pad. We're gonna pick up our old ladies and whatever little we have, and we're gonna put on our colors, and we're gonna roll! And neither man nor beast is gonna stop us until we find a place we can blow our own peace, and we're gonna love each other.

[pause]

Cody: I love ya, Leroy.

Leroy: Cody, I love you.

Little old lady: [talking to herself] What have I forgotten?

Leroy: Beer?

Little old lady: No, not beer...

Little old lady in grocery store: [talking to herself] What have I forgotten?

Leroy: Beer?

Little old lady in grocery store: No, not beer...

Leroy: I have to ask you a question... and it's an important one so, I want you to think about the answer before you give it to me. Okay?

Samantha: Okay

Leroy: When two people love each other - Really... Love each other - but they just can't get it together, when do you get to that point where enough is enough?

Samantha: [mouth agape, stunned look, realizing he's talking about her] Tha?... oh, well... that's... you know... um... you know it's Over when... okay, I have, like, these psychosomatic, insomniatic manifestations of... uh, well here's the thing about me: I'm a product of my emotions, versus being a product of my environment, like HIM, which he is, exactly, just THAT, environmental... uh uh I need sunshine to grow; that's who I am, and uh with the projection of the... I have goals

[pause, smiles, nods to indicate she's done]

Leroy: That's your answer?

Samantha: Yah

Leroy: That's not right. I mean, there's a right answer here, but that's not it

Samantha: [exhales sharply]

Leroy: Look, in my business you're surrounded by loneliness, and finality. Now I don't care what your take is on an afterlife, when people die, it's scary. And they go alone. Now the people that I send off, that have experienced love, they're a little less scared. I mean they're still scared, but there's... a calmness to 'em, and I think that comes from the knowledge that somebody, somewhere loved 'em, and cared for 'em, and will miss 'em. Now I see that from time to time, and I am awed by it. I don't think I'd be telling you any of this if it wasn't for Frank. Anyway, it's a loaded question. Look, when two people love each other - Totally, TRUTHfully, all the way Love each other - the answer to that question is simple, especially in your case. When do you get to that point where enough is enough? Never... Never

Leroy: I know we're all a little grouchy right now. We'll get something to eat, you'll get the pistol and then we'll go our separate ways.

Samantha: Really separate ways.

Jerry: Don't start, Sam.

Samantha: Shut up. I'll start because I have the right...

Jerry: Why do you do that? Do not tell me to shut up. We had an agreement, remember?

Samantha: Shut up.

Leroy: Why don't we all shut up a bit?

Jerry: I swear to God, I will crash this fucking car right now.

Leroy: Jerry, don't do that.

Jerry: I will. One more word out of you. Another word, Sam. One more word. I swear to fucking God.

Samantha: Naugahyde.

Jerry: All right.

Samantha: What was that?

Leroy: What?

Samantha: That (points eyes to the right) moment?

Leroy: "What? What moment...?

Samantha: ...Are you gay?

Leroy: As in happy?

Samantha: As in homosexual...?

Leroy: What does my sexuality have anything to do with this?

Samantha: You just checked that guy out and had a 'moment'!

Leroy: I'm here to regulate funkiness.

Leroy: Kevlar is for pussies

Leroy: Jerry, I want you to know. You're the craziest fuck I ever met.

Leroy: Don't you love him?

Samantha: I think that's the problem. We love each other too much.

Leroy: A lot of people are under the impression that you get to choose who you love.

Leroy: You all right, Harry?

Harry: I was mugged.

Leroy: White boy or black boy?

Harry: What the hell difference does it make?

Leroy: I'd just like to know, that's all.

Harry: White.

Leroy: Hot damn.

Harry: If it makes you feel any better, the last one was Puerto Rican.

Elaine Coombes: I was gonna' try and cook some authentic soul food, but then I got afraid it wouldn't turn out all right. But I love the soul food. Burt and I ate it at a little place in the East Village that specializes in it... It's run by an elderly Afro-American woman.

Leroy: *I* didn't know they had soul food in Africa.

Leroy: You seen Spencer?

Fool: I seen Spencer, alright.

Leroy: You find anything?

Fool: Something found him. He's dead, Leroy. I think scared to death.

Leroy: Y-you sure?

Fool: You thought he was white before, you should see that sucker now!

Leroy: Yeah, and maybe the President will make me Secretary of Pussy.

Leroy: Just because a man's lying down doesn't mean he's dead!

Leroy: He came at me like an airplane or something!

Leroy: We done popped this house's cherry.

Fool: They've got padlocks on the outside of the house too...

Leroy: Padlocks on the *outside*?

Leroy: Nice to see the rich folks' got rats too.

Fool: [Leroy is attempting to pry a door open with a crowbar to enter the house and find Spencer, who did not return after entering the house] Listen Leroy, this breaking and entering might not be so smart. It's the first day of my thirteenth birthday... could be unlucky.

Leroy: Thirteenth birthday is unlucky anyway. Too old to get tit, too young to get ass... fucked either way.

Leroy: In hockey, they hit a black puck around, why can't the puck be white.

Wes: Well on ice, a white puck might be difficult to see.

Leroy: I would expect you to say that.

Johnny Flodder: [seeing three black men beating up someone] Quite an unbalance, don't you think?

[the gang stops the beating]

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): Check this up, fellows! Who the fuck you think you are, the Partridge Family?

Johnny Flodder: Leave that man alone!

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): Who the fuck are you?

Johnny Flodder: I am Johnnie, this is my family and we're from Holland!

[Gang is laughing out loud]

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): Well, well, well, you check this out, Johnnie! You don't see fucking Holland again!

Negro gang #2 (with a cap): Yo... where's Holland?

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): It is in the Bronx, don't you know what I think?

Negro gang #2 (with a cap): Cut him, Leroy.

Leroy: Yeah... I wanna cut him.

[gets his knife]

Johnny Flodder: [is faster though, and kicks Leroy on the ground]

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): Yeah, get some fuckin' ass!

[gets his baseball club]

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): Let's get them...

[swings but misses]

Negro gang #2 (with a cap): [gets a chain and wants to hit Ma Flodder]

Ma Flodder: [wraps the chain around him, and takes some liquid, and spits in his face]

Negro gang #2 (with a cap): My eyes! I can't see!

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): [tries to hit with the club but hits one of his fellows] Fuck!

Toet Flodder, Henkie Flodder: [get a bin, turn it upside down and cover Gang #2 with it, kick him at the legs]

Negro gang #2 (with a cap): [falls]

Johnny Flodder: [hits gang #1]

Negro gang #1 (with a bandana): [gets disoriented and hits Kees's boobs and then falls down]

Ma Flodder: [laughs]

W.W. Bright: [Leroy has accused W.W. of being a Communist] I served in Korea. dammit!

Junior: That's right, Leroy. You know who he was fightin' in Korea?

Leroy: Who?

Junior: Chinamen. Communist Chinamen.

[How murderers are executed]

Leroy: They got a little blue chair for little boys and a little pink chair for little girls.

Leroy: You ask me and I say you don't even feel sorry for what happened to that little boy.

Rhoda: Why should I feel sorry? It was Claude Daigle who got drowned, not me!

Leroy: You want to know what you done after you hit him? You jerked the medal off his shirt and then you rolled that sweet little boy off that wharf from under them pilings.

Rhoda: You don't know anything. None of what you've said is true.

Leroy: You know I'm telling the gospel truth. You know I got it figured out.

Rhoda: You've figured out something that never happened. And so it's all lies. Now take your excelsior to the basement and put it where you can sleep on it when you are supposed to be working.

Leroy: [to Rhoda] I thought I'd seen some mean little gals in my time, but you're the meanest. You wanna know how I know how mean you are? 'Cause I'm mean. I'm smart and I'm mean, and you're smart and you're mean. And you never get caught and I never get caught.

Rhoda: Why can't you wash off blood?

Leroy: Because you can't. And the police know it. You can wash it and you can wash it. There's always some left. Everybody knows that.

Leroy: They got what they call stick bloodhounds to help them look. And them stick bloodhounds can find any stick there is that's got blood on it.

Leroy: [Referring to Monty] Is he dead?

Police Captain Finlay: He's been dead for a long time and didn't even know it.

Leroy: [quoting E.E. Cummings] You can understand a poem without knowing what it means.

Scotty: Leroy, did you know this is Chance Wayne... the famous Hollywood and Broadway celebrity?

Leroy: Really?

Bud: Sure. All bartenders become movie stars. Right, Chance?

Chance Wayne: Oh, well. What he's trying to say is that I had your job for too long.