Mindy Quotes in Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)

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Mindy Quotes:

  • [after Blart gets kicked by a horse and slammed into a minivan]

    Mindy: Are you okay?

    Paul Blart: No, but I've never been better.

  • [after Mindy takes out the Warden with one kick]

    Stan Minton: Where did *that* come form?

    Mindy: What do you *think* I've been doing with The Master for the past six months?

    The Master: Nice work taking care of Dang, but you're still my Number Two Student.

    Stan Minton: Huh?

    The Master: [pointing to Mindy] *She'll* kick your ass.

    Stan Minton: I think I might like that.

  • Mindy: Oh, honey, it's ok. A lot could happen in 6 months.

    Stan Minton: What's gonna happen, Wendy? Is my anus gonna grow teeth?

  • Mindy: So... The Master, where are you from?

    The Master: Hell.

    Mindy: Oh! Well what brought you to L.A. a job?

  • The Director: [Checking the latest film for errors] Boom mike!

    Crewman 1: Got a boom mike.

    Crewman 2: That's a boom mike.

    [a man holding a boom mike in the background lowers it discreetly]

    The Director: That's sloppy. The dog could've seen that. He could've seen that!

    Mindy: Uh, who cares if the dog sees a boom mike?

    The Director: Forgive me for answering a question with a question, but - who are you?

    Mindy: Mindy Parker, from the network.

    The Director: Of course. Let me ask you, Mindy From The Network, what do you see here?

    [Gestures toward a screen showing Bolt]

    Mindy: Uhh... the dog?

    The Director: "The dog", she says. Oh, Mindy. Poor, poor Mindy.

    Mindy: Am I missing something?

    The Director: You're missing *everything*, Mindy. You see a dog. I see an animal that believes with every fiber of his being, *every fiber*, that the girl he loves is in mortal danger. I see a depth of emotion on the face of that canine the likes of which has never been captured on screen before. *Never*, Mindy From The Network. We jump through hoops to make sure Bolt believes everything is real. It's why we don't miss marks. It's why we don't reshoot.

    [Turns back to the main screen]

    The Director: And it's why we most certainly do not let the dog see boom mikes!

    [Reaches for one of the screens showing Bolt with a determined expression on his face, while speaking passionately]

    The Director: Because, Mindy From The Network, if the dog believes it, the audience believes it.

    Mindy: [unimpressed] Wow. Okay, you want reality, here you go, chief. The show's too predictable. The girl's in danger, the dog saves her from the creepy English guy, we get it. There's always a happy ending. And our focus groups tell us 18 to 35 year olds are unhappy. They're not happy with happy. So maybe you should, I don't know, spend a little less time worrying about the dog's method acting and more time figuring out how to stop 20 year olds in Topeka from changing the channel. Because if you lose so much as half a rating point, so help me, I will fire everyone in this room, starting with you! How's that for real?

  • SpongeBob SquarePants: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.

    Mindy: [just arrived in carriage] But you can't go home!

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Mindy!

    Patrick Star: Mindy?

    [frantically pulls up pants before falling over again]

    Patrick Star: Huh?

    SpongeBob SquarePants: How much did you hear?

    Mindy: I heard enough.

    Patrick Star: Did you see my underwear?

    Mindy: No, Patrick.

    Patrick Star: [grabs pants] Did you want to?

  • Mindy: [after getting SpongeBob's and Patrick's moustaches] So, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?

    SpongeBob SquarePantsPatrick Star: [are intrigued by moustaches and weren't listening to Mindy]

    Mindy: Guys!

    SpongeBob SquarePantsPatrick Star: Yeah?

    Mindy: I said, "Now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?

    SpongeBob SquarePantsPatrick Star: Heck, yeah!

    Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?

    SpongeBob SquarePantsPatrick Star: Heck, no!

    Mindy: And why?

    SpongeBob SquarePantsPatrick Star: Because we're invincible!

    [both jump off cliff]

    Mindy: [calling after them] I never said that!

  • Mindy: With my mermaid magic, I'll turn you into men.

    Seahorses: [in seahorse language] Mermaid Magic?

    Mindy: Shhh!

  • King Neptune: This crown does more than cover a slightly receding hairline. It entitles the wearer to rule the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.

    Mindy: [panics] I'm going to be bald?

    King Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn to rule with an iron fist, like your father.

    [puts on the cushion where the crown used to be]

    Mindy: Uh, dad? Your "crown"?

    King Neptune: What the...? My crown! Aah! Someone has stolen the royal crown!

  • Mindy: Good luck, Spongebob!

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, how did you know my name?

    Mindy: Oh, I'm going to be queen of the sea someday! I've been learning the names of all the sea creatures.

    Patrick Star: What's my name?

    Mindy: That's easy! You're Patrick Star!

    Patrick Star: [blushes and laughs, lovestruck]

  • King Neptune: Mindy, what is this?

    Mindy: Your crown?

    King Neptune: And do you know what it does?

    Mindy: Cover up your bald spot?

    King Neptune: It's not bald! It's... thinning.

  • King Neptune: There is nothing else I can do.

    Mindy: You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.

    King Neptune: Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more ti-ti-ti-ti... What? Mindy, will you butt out? I will not have you stalling this execution!

    Mindy: Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.

    King Neptune: Yes, yes you are. You're doing it right now.

    Mindy: I'm stalling?

    King Neptune: Yes!

    Mindy: Stalling.

    King Neptune: Stalling!

    Mindy: I'm stalling.

    King Neptune: Yes!

  • SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.

    Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade will be quite dry, under my... umbrella!

    [pulls on a chain]

    SpongeBob SquarePantsMindyPatrick Star: Umbrella?

    [a Chum Bucket bucket helmet drops on Neptune]

    Mindy: Daddy, no!

    Plankton: Daddy, yes!

    [pushes button on remote]

    King Neptune: [Bucket activates] All hail Plankton.

  • Mindy: I'm going to be bald?

    King Neptune: Thinning!

  • Mindy: Look, kay? He assaulted the customer, grabbed the cash and ran out.

    Officer Slater: So, how how, how...

    Officer Michaels: Say when, height wise...

    Officer Slater: I'm gonna start up here.

    Officer Michaels: I'm gonna start from the buttom...

    Mindy: Whatever 5'10 is, he was 5'10.

    Officer Slater: E-ethnicly, I mean, did, what, uhhm. I mean, wa-was he, like u-us or...

    Mindy: A woman? A female, is that what you're asking?

    Officer Slater: No, I would say...

    Officer Michaels: Was he...

    Officer Slater: Was he African?

    Mindy: Was he African? No, he was American. And he was like you. He looked just like you.

    Officer Michaels: He was Jewish! An odd crime for a Jew to commit. Ok, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie...

    Mindy: No. You don't. No, that's not what I said. Is that what you heard me say? I said he looked like you. Do you look like an African Jew?

    Officer Michaels: No, I look like a cop.

    Mindy: He was caucasian.

    Officer Michaels: Caucasian...

    Officer Slater: Oh...

    Mindy: Kinda looked like Eminem.

    Officer Michaels: Ah, an M&M...

    Officer Slater: M&M, so he was like circular...

    Mindy: Marshall Mathers. Eminem, the rapper, Eminem.

    Officer Michaels: He looked like this? I'm a amateur.

    Officer Slater: 'Cause that kinda looks like an M&M.

    Officer Michaels: Longer face? Bigger nose? Would you say his mouth was wider? Open? A gap?

  • Cal: How do you feel?

    Mindy: I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

  • Mindy: Masks.

    Donna Diggs: Masks?

    Mindy: Like, I make them wear masks, like ski masks, anything, I don't care. It's the only way I'll fuck these people.

    Donna Diggs: Okay, why?

    Mindy: Because when they have on these masks, I'm fucking the same person every time. When I come home every morning, you know, to fuck the same guy that I fuck, I don't feel bad about it. You know why? 'Cause in my head, I've been fucking him all night long.

    Donna Diggs: That's relatively smart, actually.

  • Mindy: [gargling mouthwash]

    Mindy's John: What are you doing?

    Mindy: Oral hygiene.

Browse more character quotes from Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)

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Characters on Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)