Maz Quotes in Beer League (2006)

Gina: Okay, you know what? I'm not being a bitch here. You're missing Marie's recital tonight, and I said we could wait 'til after the softball season to go on our honeymoon. I even let you pick your scumbag friend Artie as best man!

Maz: Sweetheart, listen, huh? It's the first game of the season. I just don't wanna be late, alright? I'm with you on the cakes, I'll look at 'em later.

Gina: You know, I was gonna surprise you by making your little plastic man on the cake a Derek Jeter action figure. But now? No. I'm making you one of those Puerto Ricans from the fucking Mets!

Maz: Don't even joke like that, Gina!

Maz: I'll have an egg-white omelet made with very little oil, dry wheat toast, and grapefruit juice.

Johnny Trinno: Oh my god, that's the gayest order I've ever heard.

Artie DeVanzo: You know, in Massachusetts, that order could legally marry a dude.

Maz: Alright, here it comes.

Johnny Trinno: You know, just placing an order like that would get you kicked out of the army.

Artie DeVanzo: You know, if you put a construction helmet on that order, it could join the Village People.

Rhonda: Would you guys knock it off so I can do my job?

Maz: Thank you.

Rhonda: Alright, Maz, that's an egg-white omelet, dry wheat toast, grapefruit juice.

Maz: That's right.

Rhonda: Do you want a side order of cock with that?

Maz: [responding to Artie about un-inviting Mangenelli to the wedding] He's Gina's cousin, he's going to be there, and don't start any trouble.

Artie DeVanzo: Hey, I'm not one to start trouble.

Johnny Trinno: Oh my God you fat fuckin' liar.

Maz: Alright, Dirt. Just throw it in there, baby. Come on!

Artie DeVanzo: [punches glove] Whatta you say now Dirt, you character.

Alfonse: Check it out, my new italiano mit.

Maz: That's cool, Alfonse.

Johnny Trinno: How much of a guido could you possibly be?