Pudge Quotes in Shag (1989)

Chip: Know any elephant jokes?

Pudge: Is that a remark?

Chip: Huh?

Pudge: Sorry. I guess I'm just sensitive about my weight.

Chip: What weight?

Malaina: Don't y'all think she looks just like Mary Pat Montgomery?

[Luanne and Carson laugh]

Pudge: Mary Pat Montgomery's the one who told me about boners.

Luanne: Ga-rosse!

Pudge: It isn't a bone at all, it's a muscle. This cousin of hers dated a Clemson Tiger who sprained his in a game, and she had to massage it every night when it got hard because he was in so much pain.

Luanne: [laughing] And she always acted so innocent.

Malaina: Luanne, quick! You run out to Jimmy Valentine's limo and tell him your daddy the senator wants him to sing at the White House and bring him back to the house.

Luanne: I will do no such thing!

Malaina: Luanne damnit! You made me lose Miss Sun Queen, but now I'm not gonna lose Jimmy Valentine too, now you owe it to me! And you better get over there quick, or we're never gonna speak to you again, right Pudge?

Pudge: Right.

Pudge: Carson, you look just like Jackie Kennedy.

Malaina: I think JFK's a sweet potato.

Pudge: Oh Malaina he's an old man, eww!

Malaina: I don't care, I'd have an affair with him outside of marriage.

Luanne: He's the president, Malaina. It's sacreligious.

Buzz: You girls want a beer?

Pudge: They don't sell beer.

Carson: I have a soda.

Buzz: Bartender, four Beevos.

Pudge: Why can't girls ask boys to dance?

Pudge: Stay on your diet dear, YUCK YUCK YUCK.