Malaina Quotes in Shag (1989)

Luanne: Here, you'll wear my momma's hoop skirt.

Malaina: I know how to win this thing.

Luanne: Why Melaina! It is bad manners to think about winnin'!

Malaina: Look Luanne! I'm not goin' to college like some people. And I sure as hell ain't marryin' a damn Ralston. And I ain't gonna die in a parish house in Spartanburg, South Carolina, thank you. Luanne, I'm as pretty as any of those girls in Hollywood. This is my chance! Jimmy Valentine's gonna discover me today, and it ain't gonna be in your mama's hoop skirt!

Luanne: Would you at least consider wearing my one-piece bathin' suit?

Malaina: Don't y'all think she looks just like Mary Pat Montgomery?

[Luanne and Carson laugh]

Pudge: Mary Pat Montgomery's the one who told me about boners.

Luanne: Ga-rosse!

Pudge: It isn't a bone at all, it's a muscle. This cousin of hers dated a Clemson Tiger who sprained his in a game, and she had to massage it every night when it got hard because he was in so much pain.

Luanne: [laughing] And she always acted so innocent.

The Manager: Have I met you before?

Malaina: Maybe in one of your better dreams.

Carson: I love y'all so much, and uh, y'all are going off to college and everything, and you're gonna forget me. I know I shouldn't be jealous, but I am.

[cries]

Malaina: She's wrecked her face.

Luanne: Carson, I swear, I swear on the Bible I will write you every week from college, and so will Pudge, and so will Malaina.

Malaina: I'm not going to college.

Carson: Y'all really think I'm doing the right thing?

Malaina: [nonchalantly] Yeah, sure.

Luanne: Of course, Harley Ralston is a wonderful man from a well rounded family, and I know you're gonna be very happy.

Malaina: And if you're not, there's always divorce.

Luanne and Pudge: [disgusted] Malaina!

Malaina: Luanne, quick! You run out to Jimmy Valentine's limo and tell him your daddy the senator wants him to sing at the White House and bring him back to the house.

Luanne: I will do no such thing!

Malaina: Luanne damnit! You made me lose Miss Sun Queen, but now I'm not gonna lose Jimmy Valentine too, now you owe it to me! And you better get over there quick, or we're never gonna speak to you again, right Pudge?

Pudge: Right.

Reverend Buller: [knocking] Malaina you unlock this door, you hear me?

Malaina: [applying lipstick in her pants and bikini top] I'm not decent, Daddy.

Reverend Buller: You tell those girls to lay off that horn, you're not going with them.

Malaina: Yes sir.

[puts on her shirt]

Reverend Buller: And you ain't fooling me with that Fort Sumter story.

Malaina: Yes sir.

[picks up her bag and goes out the window]

Luanne: I wanna lay down some rules.

[Pudge sits on the couch]

Luanne: I don't want anybody sitting on the furniture.

[Pudge gets up]

Luanne: If you have to sit then just sit on the floor. Also, don't anybody use the telephone.

Malaina: Oh come on, Luanne!

Luanne: The house is supposed to be empty, if we run up that phone bill and Daddy sees someone was here, why he'd...

Carson: What about calling Harley?

Luanne, Malaina and Pudge: You're not calling Harley!

Pudge: Carson, you look just like Jackie Kennedy.

Malaina: I think JFK's a sweet potato.

Pudge: Oh Malaina he's an old man, eww!

Malaina: I don't care, I'd have an affair with him outside of marriage.

Luanne: He's the president, Malaina. It's sacreligious.

Carson: Okay everybody, How Mature Are You? The night before the prom your steady breaks his leg. Do you A, stay home with him and watch TV all night and let your new prom gown go to waste, or B, drag him to the prom broken leg and all and dance with his best friend?

Malaina: Well what's the best friend look like?

Luanne: Malaina! A, sit home and let your new prom gown go to waste.

Carson: Luanne is mature, okay, question 2, you're at a party and your date offers you an alcoholic drink, do you A, politely refuse and ask for a soft drink?

Malaina: Or B, get knee walking drunk and let him go to third base.

Malaina: I've got news, you're going to lose.

Malaina: I can't believe I'm making out with Jimmy Valentine.