Marcus Vindictus Quotes in History of the World: Part I (1981)
Marcus Vindictus Quotes:
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Marcus Vindictus: Oh Nympho, I would do anything to gain your favor. How can I catch you? How can ensnare you? What bait must I use to catch your love? I am your servant!
Empress Nympho: Ah, but the servant waits, while the *master* baits!
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Marcus Vindictus: Don't you know your right flank from your left flank?
Captain Mucus: I'm sorry sir, I flunked flank.
Marcus Vindictus: You flunked flank? Get the flunk out of here!
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Marcus Vindictus: ...Seize him!
[His men grab Josephus]
Marcus Vindictus: Do you know the penalty for a slave who strikes a Roman citizen?
[Numerous onlookers, crowding about, raise their hands enthusiastically]
Marcus Vindictus: Okay... Let's see... There, you had your hand up first.
1st Onlooker: Death by torture!
Marcus Vindictus: [CUTTING-ROOM-FLOOR LINE] Uhm... Be more specific, please.
1st Onlooker: [CUTTING-ROOM-FLOOR LINE: the Onlooker's face scrunches up in thought] ... You get drawn and quartered?
Marcus Vindictus: [CUTTING-ROOM-FLOOR LINE] I don't think that's been invented yet. Who's got the encyclopedia...?
[Mucus brings him a "World Scroll", which MV skims]
Marcus Vindictus: ... No, that doesn't come along until the Dark Ages. Good guess, though. How about you, sir?
2nd Onlooker: Crucifixion!
Marcus Vindictus: Wrong; that's the penalty for *high treason*. Still, very good guess. Over here?
3rd Onlooker: [CUTTING-ROOM-FLOOR LINE] They force-feed you a mess of laxatives and then lock you in an airtight room, where you choke to death on your own flatulence!
Marcus Vindictus: [CUTTING-ROOM-FLOOR LINE] Well... That's not correct, but - Hey, are you writing this down?
[Taps Mucus urgently]
Marcus Vindictus: Who knows? We might have some work for this guy; come on, write it down.
Captain Mucus: [CUTTING-ROOM-FLOOR LINE, writing it down] Hmmm, a *gas chamber*...
[chuckles]
Captain Mucus: That'll never catch on.
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[while Josephus is hiding among the eunuchs, Caladonia dances erotically in front of them to test them]
Marcus Vindictus: He's a eunuch.
Captain Mucus: Mmm-hmm.
[she moves to another one, dancing harder]
Marcus Vindictus: *He's* a eunuch.
Captain Mucus: Mmm-hmm.
[she moves to a third one, dancing even harder]
Marcus Vindictus: He's *dead!*
Captain Mucus: Hmm.
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Marcus Vindictus: [lifts sword] Goodbye, head!
Comicus: [grabs Marcus's sword arm] Hello, balls!
[kicks Marcus in the groin]
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Marcus Vindictus: The rest of you will run with Mucas!
[all soldiers start muttering 'ewwww']
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Marcus Vindictus: Caladonia! Let's make their big head so hard!
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Chemist: What are you looking for?
Marcus Vindictus: A pack of Trojans!
Chemist: Gee, I just ran out!
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[as Marcus approaches the Emperor's throne in triumph]
Court Spokesman: [whispering in his ear] Remember, thou art mortal! Remember, thou art mortal! Remember, thou art mortal! Remember, thou...
Marcus Vindictus: [whispering] Oh, blow it out your ass!
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Marcus Vindictus: Oh, Caesar. I've spread civilization to the farthest reaches of the Empire! I've conquered and subdued the barbaric hordes in the name of Rome! I've penetrated into the farthest...
Emperor Nero: What's under the sheet?
Marcus Vindictus: Sheet?
Emperor Nero: SHEET!
Marcus Vindictus: Oh! Oh, the sheet! Yes, to begin with, Number One, a beautiful, hand-carved, alabaster...
[whips off the sheet]
Marcus Vindictus: Bathing basin!
Emperor Nero: Nice. Nice. Not thrilling, but nice.
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[Comicus escapes by kicking Marcus in the groin]
Captain Mucus: Commander, what happened? Where are they?
Marcus Vindictus: [high-pitched voice] Get the horses! Get the chariots! Get the men!
Captain Mucus: Onward!
[the soldiers start to run, but Marcus stops him]
Marcus Vindictus: Get me an ice pack! Hurry!
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Marcus Vindictus: [When a feather on Josephus' fan rises depicting an erection] The jig is up!
Josephus: And gone!
Browse more character quotes from History of the World: Part I (1981)
Characters on History of the World: Part I (1981)
- Oedipus
- Josephus
- Dole Office Clerk
- Comicus
- Empress Nympho
- Swiftus
- Jew #1
- Madame DeFarge
- Fellow Revolutionist
- Count de Monet
- Citizen Official
- Jew #2
- Captain Mucus
- 1st Onlooker
- 2nd Onlooker
- 3rd Onlooker
- Leader of Senate
- Entire Senate
- Mademoiselle Rimbaud
- Bearnaise
- Insolent Flunky
- Chief Monk
- Poppinjay
- Jaques
- Stoned Soldier
- Torquemada
- Gerard
- Plumbing Salesman
- Gladiator - The Roman Empire
- Monsieur Rimbaud
- Roman Officer
- Court Spokesman
- Column Salesman