Happy Quotes in The Dark Knight (2008)

[first lines]

Grumpy: [with Chuckles, picks up Bozo on the street] Three of a kind, let's do this!

Chuckles: Huh, that's it? Three guys?

Grumpy: Plus two guys on the roof. Every guy gets a share. Five shares is plenty.

Chuckles: *Six* shares. Don't forget the guy who planned the job.

Grumpy: He thinks he can sit it out and still take a slice? I know why they call him "The Joker".

Happy: [up on the roof, breaking open the alarm box with Dopey] So why do they call him "the Joker"?

Dopey: I hear he wears makeup.

Happy: Makeup?

Happy: Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.

Grumpy: [On the street, Bozo, Grumpy and Chuckles get out of their car and run inside the bank. Grumpy fires off a round into the air to grab the attention of the customers and tellers] All right, everybody! Hands up, heads down!

[In the background, Chuckles overpowers one of the guards]

Grumpy: Let's put hands up, heads down!

[grabs a teller by his collar and pulls him over his desk]

Grumpy: Let's go, pal! I'm making a withdrawal here!

[He then points his gun at a female teller]

Grumpy: I said hands up!

Dopey: [waiting eagerly with Happy on the roof] Here comes the silent alarm...

[presses a button to disable it]

Dopey: ... and there it goes!

[Downstairs, Grumpy has managed to pull the female teller over the counter]

Dopey: That's funny. It didn't dial out to 911 - it was trying to reach a private number.

Happy: Is there a problem?

Dopey: Nah, nah. I'm done here.

[Happy shoots him, steals his bag, and rushes downstairs into the vault. In the lobby, Bozo is sticking gas grenades in the hostages' hands and pulling the pins]

Grumpy: Obviously we don't want you doing anything with your hands other than holding on to dear life!

Happy: [after cracking open the bank's safe] They wired this thing up with, like, 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?

Grumpy: A mob bank. I guess the Joker is as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?

Happy: Boss told me, when the guy was done, I should take him out. One less share, right?

Grumpy: Funny, he told me something similar.

Happy: What...?

[turns]

Happy: No, no, no-!

[Grumpy shoots him]

Happy: So why do they call him "The Joker"?

Dopey: I heard he wears make-up.

Happy: Make-up?

Dopey: [on the roof of the bank trying to disconnect the silent alarm] Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.

[while Grumpy overpowers two of the tellers in the bank, Happy and Dopey wait for the silent alarm to come]

Dopey: Here comes the silent alarm...

[disables it by pressing a button]

Dopey: And there it goes.

[pause]

Dopey: That's funny, it didn't dial out to 9-1-1. It was trying to reach a private number.

Happy: Is it a problem?

Dopey: Nah, I'm done here.

[Happy shoots him with a silenced Beretta 92SB-C, then takes his bag and runs down into the vault]

Natsu Dragneel: [English dub] Hey! Is everyone okay?

Gray Fullbuster: What was that about?

Lucy Heartfilia: I don't know! Someone's after her!

Lucy Heartfilia: [Her towel drops without noticing, while Natsu and Gray blush] What?

Happy: You feel a breeze out here?

Lucy Heartfilia: Uh?

Happy: Olala!

[laughing]

Lucy Heartfilia: [looks down and notices that her towel's dropped] Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Natsu Dragneel: Your freakin' stripping habits never been contagious before, has it?

Gray Fullbuster: Uhh, if it is? I could think of worst things.

Lucy Heartfilia: Close your eyes, perverts!

[Throws rocks at Natsu and Gray]

Willie: [looking at Binghampton] Hey Happy, ain't that the guy who sank the Love Boat?

Happy: [recognizes Binghampton] Oh yeah!

Sneezy: [raising his hand and pointing to the sink] Hey, someone stole our dishes!

Happy: They ain't stole. They're hid in the cupboard.

Bashful: My cup's been washed. Sugar's gone.

Happy: Something's cooking. Smells good.

Grumpy: [shoving Happy and Dopey away] Don't touch that, you fools! Might be poison.

[the kettle spews steam at the three of them and the lid rattles]

Grumpy: See? It's witch's brew.

Happy: This is Dopey, he don't talk none.

Snow White: You mean he can't talk?

Happy: He don't know, he never tried.

Snow White: [to the Seven Dwarfs] Please don't send me away. If you do, she'll kill me.

Dwarfs: Kill you?

Happy: Who will?

Sneezy: Yes, who?

Snow White: My stepmother, the queen.

Dwarfs: The Queen!

Bashful: She's wicked!

Happy: She's bad!

Sneezy: She's mighty mean!

Grumpy: She's an old witch! And I'm warnin' ya, if that queen finds her here, she'll swoop down and wreak her vengeance on us!

Snow White: But she doesn't know where I am.

Grumpy: She don't, eh? She knows everything. She's full of black magic! She can even make herself invisible. Pfft! Might be in this room right now!

Grumpy: [the animals are trying to get their attention] They ain't acting this way for nothing!

Sleepy: [Yawning] Maybe the old Queen's, uh, got Snow White.

Dwarfs: [In shock] The Queen! Snow White!

Grumpy: The Queen will kill her! We, we gotta save her!

Doc: Yes! Yes! We, we gotta save her!

Sneezy: She'll kill her!

Happy: What'll we do?

Doc: Yeah, yes, wha-what'll we do?

Grumpy: [Takes charge] Come on!

[leaps onto the back of the nearest deer and rides off]

Happy: I'd like to dance and tap my feet / But they won't keep in rhythm. / You see, I washed 'em both today / And I can't do nothin' with 'em.

Snow White: Once there was a princess.

Doc: Was this princess you?

Snow White: And she fell in love.

Sneezy: Was it hard to do?

Snow White: It was very easy/anyone could see/that the Prince was charming/the only one for me.

Doc: Was he strong and handsome?

Sneezy: Was he big and tall?

Snow White: There's nobody like him/anywhere at all.

Bashful: Did he say he loved ya?

Happy: Did he steal a kiss?

Snow White: [sung] He was so romantic/I could not resist.

Happy: This effectively combines three of my great fears: the dark, heights, and public nudity.

Happy: [lying on bed] Hey! Can you see up my skirt?

Brian: [looking] Not really.

Happy: Great!

Al Lolly: [getting in car after Happy and Brian secretly had sex there] Smells like a wharf net in here.

Happy: What?

Brian: What?

Al Lolly: You heard me. Smells like low tide.

Happy: That's weird.

Brian: I don't smell anything.

Happy: What are you reading?

Brian: Uh, it's an article about a Tibetan Rinpoche who plays basketball with some other monks in Arizona. It says they got in fight with five advertising executives in front of a bunch of kids. What are you reading?

Happy: Um... mostly just ads.

Mrs. Weathersby: He's been sweet his whole life, but he never had the family the other kids did. Everyone thought that we were his grandparents. He told his teacher once that his real parents died in a car crash and his grandparents took him on.

Happy: He did?

Mrs. Weathersby: Well he was confused, I guess. I don't blame him. It wasn't disloyal, it was, he was just trying to make everything seem normal I suppose. But, nothing's normal.

Happy: You guys seem pretty normal.

Mrs. Weathersby: We're not. You have a right to be worried and afraid.

Happy: I'm just afraid that I've fucked everything up beyond repair.

Mrs. Weathersby: Nothing's fucked up, nothing's beyond repair.

Happy: Thank you.

Happy: Do you have any interest in having sex with me?

Brian: [swallows] Yeah.

Happy: Really?

Brian: Uh huh.

Happy: Now?

Brian: Uh huh.

Myrtle: Gee, I hope this don't get Harry Delano in dutch.

Happy: It'll kill his old woman if she finds out he's mixed up in the booze racket!

Myrtle: He's a no good egg anyway.

Happy: You're right, baby.

Myrtle: Well, so long, honey, I'm leavin'.

Happy: I thought we might go down and get... a bowl of chop suey.

Myrtle: Can't make it tonight, honey.

Happy: No? Why all the glad rags?

Myrtle: I've got a sick girl friend, promised I'd drop over.

Happy: Oh, all that for a sick girl friend? Don't give me that bull. You're goin' to the jazz joint with that Harry Delano.

Myrtle: Happy!

Happy: I'm wise. I was tipped off you were with him the night before last when you said you had a headache.

Myrtle: Now, sugar, you don't think I'd fall for Harry Delano?

Happy: No! You'd fall for anybody that'd spend jack on ya.

Myrtle: Well, he ain't got no jack. He ain't even workin'.

Happy: He ain't workin'; but, he's peddlin' booze.

Detective Sikes: Were you on the sand with Harry?

Happy: Think of your reputation!

Myrtle: You think of it. You do more worryin' about it than I do.

Happy: I own you, Pete. You're mine!

Happy: [greeting Liggett and Gloria at her shady motel] How are ya, Mr. L? Hey, I got a new joke for ya. Now, you might not understand all the words, but it seems there were these two old maids and

[Liggett hugs Gloria and says they're both *tired*]

Happy: Oh sure, Mr. L, I know what ya mean. At your age, a man's gotta get his rest, he's gotta get it regular!

Happy: Duck. Duck. Duck. Goose.

Happy: [to Flower] Don't let your motherly nature cost you your manhood.

Happy: Sabu is 43, is 7. 42 which is the answer of everything. 42 is completeness. You're just one step away.

DJ Sabu: I believe its you.

Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger: We'll have a party in the mine!

Howard Landers: Yeah. Beware of Harry Warden! OOOOOOOHHHHH!

Hollis: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Happy: Beware of what you make fun of, you little asshole!

Howard Landers: Who?

Happy: YOU!

Happy: [Retelling the legend of Harry Warden] It was the night of the Valentine's Day dance at the union hall. It had been a tradition for over a hundred years. Everybody was there, except for seven miners at the Hanniger Mine, five of them still down below. Two supervisors were waiting for the men to come up. Anxious to get to the party, they left before the men were safely out, failing to check the methane gas levels in the tunnels down below. For six weeks we dug 'round the clock to try and save 'em. When we broke through, one man was found alive. I was the one who found him. Harry Warden spent the next year in the state mental hospital. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he came back to town. He killed the two supervisors who'd left their posts the year before, and he cut out their hearts, stuffed 'em into these heart-shaped candy boxes. That night at the dance, they found the boxes, blood dripping out the sides. Inside was a note, a warning from Harry to NEVER hold a Valentine's dance ever again. Every February 14th, Harry comes back to town, his pickaxe stained with blood, waiting in the shadows of the Hanniger Mine, just for someone to kill, should they not heed his warning. IT COULD BE YOU!

Happy: Beware of having a party at all on Saturday night! You may not live to see daylight!

Howard Landers: [jumps out and makes a fart sound]