Mayor Quotes in The Dark Knight (2008)

Mayor: [regarding The Joker that's sitting a holding cell] What'd we got?

Lt. James Gordon: Nothing. No matches on prints, DNA, dental. Clothing is custom, no labels. Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint. No name, no other alias.

Mayor: We must remember that vigilance is the price of safety.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.

Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!

Mayor: Is this true?

Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.

[pause]

Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.

Walter Peck: Jeez!

[Charges at Venkman]

Mayor: Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!

Walter Peck: All right, all right, all right!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's what I heard!

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.

Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...

Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!

[alternate wording from cable TV version]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Your honor, our system was working just fine until the power grid was turned off by wally wick here.

Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!

Mayor: [to Venkman] Is this true?

Dr. Peter Venkman: It's true, your honor. The man is some kind of rodent, I don't know which.

[looking at a charred caped skeleton]

Minion: You did it, sir.

Megamind: I did it...

[cheers]

Megamind: I did it!

Mayor: [shocked] He did it!

Warden: [shocked] He did it!

Mayor: Ladies and gentlemen, Megamind, defender of Metro City!

Megamind: You know... I like the sound of that!

Mayor: Thank you, hero, for defeating Megamind! What is your name?

Titan: Tighten.

Mayor: We owe you a great debt for having removed evil from our town!

Titan: Oh, I wouldn't say removed... I'd say under new management!

[flicks the Mayor in the forehead, which sends him flying backwards]

[last lines]

Mayor: Ray? Ray! What in God's name happened to my car?

Sheriff Ray Owens: Well, next time don't park it in the fire zone.

[Owens and his deputies turn around and walk into the diner]

Sheriff Ray Owens: Schmuck.

Mayor: Er, Master Betty, what is the Evil Council's plan?

Master Betty: Nyah. Haha. It is EVIL, it is so EVIL. It is a bad, bad plan, which will hurt many... people... who are good. I think it's great that it's so bad.

Mayor: That tiny net was sure-fire master!

Master Betty: Yes, a tiny net is a death sentence, it's a net and it's tiny!

Mayor: Warren, I've thought it over. I know what we're going to do.

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: You tell me.

Mayor: We're going to let 'em keep the goddamn subway train. Hell, we've got plenty of them; we'll never even miss it.

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: How about the 18 hostages, Al? Are we going to miss them?

Mayor: Warren, goddammit, this city hasn't got a million dollars!

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: Then you better empty out one of your Swiss bank accounts because there's no other way out.

Mayor: Don't we get even to think about it?

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: There's no time.

Mayor: All right. I still want the full picture. Get me the police commissioner, the chairman of the Transit Authority, and that putz we've got for a Comptroller.

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: They're on their way over. But it's no good running to them, Al. You're the man. The buck stops with you.

Mayor: Oh, shit!

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: God help us.

Mayor: Shit! Piss! Fuck!

Mayor: Warren, suppose the hijackers start shooting at me?

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: Will you stop? They have no reason to shoot at you.

Mayor: Why? Do you think they're from out of town?

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: Get dressed, Al. I'll do the jokes.

Mayor: [the clock's ticking, and the mayor's sitting - wrapped in a blanket, sneezing - as his deputy Mayor polls The head of NYPD, the head of the Transit Authority, and the city comptroller] All right, Al, you've heard from the '3 Wise Men'. Now, what do you say?

Mayor: What are they goin' to say, Warren?

[behind the mayor, sits his wife, nodding in agreement]

Mayor: 'They', who?

Mayor: Who? Everybody! The press, the man on the street!

Mayor's wife: He means the voters.

[the mayor sneezes, and blows his nose into a tissue]

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: You know what they'll say: The Times will support you. The News will knock you. The Post will take both sides at the sane time. The rich'll support you, likewise the blacks. The Puerto Ricans wont give a shit, so, come on, Al - stop stalling!

Mayor: And, you stop bullyin' everybody, Warren! This is supposed to be a democracy!

Mayor: Wise up, for chris' sakes! We're trying to run a city - not a god damn 'democracy'!

[the Mayor looks confused]

Mayor: Al, quit fartin' around! We've gotta pay!

Mayor's wife: [THe mayor quietly says his wife's name] Jessie?

Mayor's wife: Hmmm?

Mayor: Jessie, what do you say?

Mayor's wife: I know a million dollars sounds like a lot of money. But, just think what you're gonna get in return.

Mayor: [Al thinks for a moment] What?

Mayor's wife: 18 sure votes.

Mayor: Allright. All right. Warren? Warren; arrange for the payoff

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: Hallelujah!

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: All right, Al. You've heard from the Three Wise Men. Now what do you say?

Mayor: What are THEY going to say, Warren?

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: "They" who?

Mayor: Who? Everybody - the press, the man on the street.

Mayor's wife: He means the voters.

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: You know what they're going to say. The Times is going to support you. The News is going to knock you. The Post will take both sides at the same time. The rich will support you, likewise the blacks, and the Puerto Ricans won't give a shit. So come on, Al, quit stalling!

Mayor: Will you stop bullying everybody, Warren? This is supposed to be a democracy!

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: Wise up, for chrissake, we're trying to run a city, not a goddamn democracy! Al, quit farting around - we've got to pay!

Mayor: Jessie, Jessie, what do you say?

Mayor's wife: I know a million dollars sounds like a lot of money. But just think what you'll get in return.

Mayor: What?

Mayor's wife: Eighteen sure votes.

Mayor: All right, all right. Warren, Warren, arrange for the payoff!

Deputy Mayor Warren LaSalle: Hallelujah.

John Bookman: So tell me what are you gonna do about these gang's?

Mayor: Well, from what I understand you used to be a gang-member yourself a founding member of the Reb's.

John Bookman: Yeah, that's true. But we didn't kill people.

Mayor: Yes but uh... you started something and it's outta control.

John Bookman: Because you let it!

Mayor: Now listen, DON'T LAY THIS SHIT ON ME! You are pissed off because you have become a victim of something you started yourself.

Michael Casey: You see Mr. Bookman I'm afraid that is your legacy to Gary, so don't be coming in here waving that little cigar around and blaming us and telling us it's our fault.

Mayor: My own father worked in the steel mills and he got himself killed on the job and the company settlement put me through law school and I came back, now where were you all these year's.

John Bookman: Let's not talk about me, let's talk about the lousy job you've done.

Mayor: Alright so if you think if we go out and we focus on this area that crime it's just gonna dry up the gang's gonna come out and start killing each other! Huh

Michael Casey: Calm down, calm down.

Mayor: Alright, alright.

Michael Casey: Now our main concern here, is the safety of your family so therefore I suggest that we set up a meeting with Reverend Dorsey at the Christian chapel

John Bookman: So what's Reverend Dorsey gonna do?

Mayor: The Reverend serves as a intermediary between the gang's.

John Bookman: What are you tryna tell me your gonna negotiate with these punk's?

Michael Casey: That can be arranged,unless of course Mr. Bookman you have a better suggestion?

Mayor: Michael it's a helluva an idea.

Michael Casey: Thank you sir, thank you.

John Bookman: Yeah right ok set it up. and if doesn't work like you said Mr. Mayor, I started the Rebel's, I can terminate them.

Mayor: [On the phone] The Reb's hit the Diablo's and they're getting ready to retaliate right, we're looking at all-out war here,now listen I don't want any of our police officer's caught in a cross-fire you understand? No Mike, no no no you are going to be here I'm going to be in a Mayor's convention in New Orleans for the next five day's.

News Reporter Ichiro Sakai: Yoka, get your things together.

News Photographer Junko 'Yoka' Nakanishi: I've been trying to get a shot of the area, but the land is moving. Look, over there.

[the earth moves, and out emerges a monster]

Mayor: Ah! Oh! Godzilla!

Blah-Blah Blah-Blah: I, uh uh, Blah-Blah Blah-Blah, shall uh, create a sauce of chaos a-a-a-and stir up trouble with a destructive force known as uh-uh-uh-uh The Tormato.

Mojo Jojo: Tormahto?

Mayor: Tor-may-to.

Hacha Chacha: [Singing] My name is Hacha Chacha, and here is my spiel / A diabolical plan with lots of ap-peel / Spreading out bananas far and wide / And fixing up the folks for a slippery slide.

Mayor: That's catchy.

Mayor: There he is, officers! He's in cahoots with those three pickle cart killers! Cucumber crushers! Vinegar varlets! Dill-stroyers! Why, it just ain't kosher!

Mayor: Control the water... and you control everything.

Rango: [addressing the townspeople after the bank robbery] We all know exactly what we need to do now!

[aside]

Rango: And that would be?

Mayor: [whispers] Form a posse.

Rango: Form a possum!

[short pause]

Mayor: [still quiet] A *posse*.

[the Mayor is intending to shoot Jake while Rango and Beans are in the bank vault that's filling up with water]

Mayor: You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed.

Mayor: Our new sheriff has been playing the hero for so long, he's actually starting to believe it.

Mayor: Mother Paula's is going to be a shining example of my six-point economic development plan, bringing to Coconut Cove over *twelve* new jobs!

Mayor: How long have you been working on this book?

Despereaux: Um... a week.

Mayor: A week? You hardly cracked it.

Despereaux: Well I was... I just wanted to see how it ends.

Mayor: We've got to find Jack! There's only 365 days left until next Halloween!

Wolfman: 364!

Mayor: Jack, please, I'm only an elected official here, I can't make decisions by myself!

Mayor: How horrible our Christmas will be!

Jack Skellington: *No.*

[the Mayor switches to his upset face]

Jack Skellington: How *jolly*!

Mayor: Oh. How *jolly* our Christmas will be.

Sally: I had the most terrible vision.

Jack Skellington: That's splendid!

Sally: No - it was about your Christmas. There was smoke... and fire!

Jack Skellington: That's not *my* Christmas! *My* Christmas is filled with laughter, and joy... and this: my Sandy Claws outfit. I want you to make it.

Sally: Jack, please listen to me. It's going to be a disaster!

Jack Skellington: How could it be? Just follow the pattern!

[holds up design of outfit]

Jack Skellington: This part's red, the trim is white...

Sally: It's a mistake, Jack!

Jack Skellington: Now don't be modest. Who else is clever enough to make my Sandy Claws outfit?

Mayor: Next!

Jack Skellington: I have every confidence in you.

Sally: But it seems wrong to me. Very wrong.

Mayor: [singing] What a splendid idea! This Christmas sounds fun. I fully endorse it -

[while shooing away a bat he switches his face to look unhappy]

Mayor: let's try it at once!

Mayor: The King of Halloween has been blown to smithereens! Skeleton Jack is now a pile of dust!

Lock, Shock, Barrel: Pile of dust! Pile of dust! Skeleton Jack is a pile of dust!

Mayor: Terrible news, folks! The worst tragedy of our time! Jack has been blown to smithereens!

Lock: [of Jack] There he is!

Barrel: Alive!

Shock: Just like we said!

Mayor: [throws Jack a ladder] Grab ahold, my boy!

Mayor: Whitey, for the first time your partner Davey Stone did something good for this community.

Eleanore: What'd he do? Steal beer for everyone?

Davey: Good night, mayor! And the answer to your question is Spencer's Gifts. They definitely have furry underwear.

Old Lady: [disgusted at the mayor] You're gross.

Mayor: Ohh...

Davey Stone: I carved our name upon that tree...

Jennifer: I loved him and he loved me...

Mayor: My darling wife was once a he...

Old Lady, Bus Driver & Mayor's Wife: [Guy with a stuble, dress, and blond wig] But that was long ago.

Mayor: Perspective is a myth.

Mayor: Well... he's really quite busy. You know these intellectuals.

Del: Please! Who?

Mayor: Some call him a brilliant scholar. Some call him a learned guru, and some call him the all-knowing sage. But most folks call him "The Wise One." Of course, I get to call him Gus.

Dot: You know, Mayor, you've been *real* scarce around here. It's good to have you back.

Mayor: [aside to Del] I was just here for breakfast!

Mayor: Drebin, I don't want anymore trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy.

Frank: Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's *my* policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production of "Julius Caesar", you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones.

Mayor: Our last sheriff was a good organizer. Yellow clear through, but a good organizer.

Mayor: Oh, crapola!

Mayor: Hello, guys and gals! Oh, boy. I wish I had a picture of your stupid faces!

Captain Harris: Mr. Mayor!

Mayor: Hello, Harris, you stupid twit!

Mayor: [speaking cordially with Madeline] I always have time to put on a tux and eat free food for a good cause. Who are saving this week?

Madeliene White: Well, I'm doing a round of support for the Joseph Freidkin Memorial Fund for spinal cord research and we're having our annual fundraiser next month. If you could attend, it would give us such a boost.

[the Mayor and Madeline walk through double doors into an empty, private room]

Mayor: It would be my pleasure. Is there anything else I can do to...

[the double doors close, giving the Mayor and Madeline privacy]

Mayor: [turning very hostile immediately] What the fuck do you want?

Madeliene White: A favor.

Mayor: No shit. Which kind?

Madeliene White: The last one I'll ever ask of you.

Mayor: That's the kind I had in mind.

Mayor: You're a magnificent cunt.

Madeliene White: [smiles condescendingly] Thank you.

Mayor: [During a city-hall meeting with federal, city, and state government officials] I have one simple question: why is Clyde Shelton still in my city? I refuse to believe that one man is smarter than Homeland Security, the FBI, the Sheriff's department or the entire Philadelphia Police department. I don't care how we do it or what kind of obscure legal justification we have to invoke. I don't care what laws we have to bend, I am sure there is a provision of the Homeland Security Act we can activate

Mayor: [During a city-hall meeting with other city officials] parents aren't going to work, kids aren't going to school because their scared. I don't blame them so I'm implementing the emergency provision of the Philadelphia code. We're going to lock this city down: starting now no one moves in this city unrestricted. I want to show of force for the public, uniforms detectives twenty four hour shifts, put armed police officers on every corner if you have to, give shotguns to the meter maids do it. There should be no doubt in people's minds that this city is secure and under our control

Mayor: Nice white boy.

Chief of Police: Well, it's just too ridiculous, that's all. Fitz is nothing but a tough, uncouth Irishman. He's liable to make things very embarrassing for you.

Mayor: A good politician never gets embarrassed, Bert. That's something *you* should have learned.

Mayor: Have I told you that I was acquainted with your father, Captain?

Capitán Vidal: No. I had no idea.

Mayor: In Morocco. I knew him only briefly, but he left a great impression.

Capitán Vidal: An excellent soldier.

Mayor: The men in his battalion said that when General Vidal died on the battlefield, he smashed his watch on a rock so that his son would know the exact hour and minute of his death. So he would know how a brave man dies.

Capitán Vidal: Nonsense. He didn't own a watch.

[a special, surprise gathering is being held at the Philadelphia Museum of Art; A high school band finished playing "Gonna Fly Now"; citizens applauses]

Mayor: Thank you. Thank you, One and all. Every once in a while a person comes along who defies the odds, who defies logic, and fulfills an incredible dream. On behalf of all the citizens of Philadelphia, and the many who have been touched by your accomplishments and your untiring participation in this city's many charity functions, it is with tremendous honor that we present this memorial which will stand always as a celebration to the indomitable spirit of Man. Philadelphia salutes its favorite son, Rocky Balboa!

[Fans cheer and applause; unveils the bronze statue of The Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa; cheering grows louder]

Adrian: It's beautiful.

Mickey: Definitely a thing of beauty.

[Fans cheering "Rocky"]

Rocky Balboa: Thank you.

[clear throat]

Rocky Balboa: Thank you very much. I don't know. Wh-What do ya say to something like this? About three years ago... this city... really took me inside, you know? And I want to thank you very much for that. I really do. And I've been thinking that, uh, I wasn't gonna bring this up, but I might as well now. I would never do anything to hurt this sport that has been so really good to me. And I've been talking it over with my wife... and my manager... We think that...

[Confused]

Rocky Balboa: It's really hard to say this. I feel like, well... I thinking maybe it's time that I should, uh, step down maybe and... retire.

[a special, surprise gathering is being held at the Philadelphia Museum of Art; A high school band finished playing "Gonna Fly Now"; citizens applauses]

Mayor: Thank you. Thank you, One and all. Every once in a while a person comes along who defies the odds, who defies logic, and fulfills an incredible dream. On behalf of all the citizens of Philadelphia, and the many who have been touched by your accomplishments and your untiring participation in this city's many charity functions, it is with tremendous honor that we present this memorial which will stand always as a celebration to the indomitable spirit of Man. Philadelphia salutes its favorite son, Rocky Balboa!

[Fans cheer and applause; unveils the bronze statue of The Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa; cheering grows louder]

Adrian: It's beautiful.

Mickey: Definitely a thing of beauty.

[Fans cheering "Rocky"]

Rocky Balboa: Thank you.

[clear throat]

Rocky Balboa: Thank you very much. I don't know. Wh-What do ya say to something like this? About three years ago... this city... really took me inside, you know? And I want to thank you very much for that. I really do. And I've been thinking that, uh, I wasn't gonna bring this up, but I might as well now. I would never do anything to hurt this sport that has been so really good to me. And I've been talking it over with my wife... and my manager... We think that...

[Confused]

Rocky Balboa: It's really hard to say this. I feel like, well... I thinking maybe it's time that I should, uh, step down maybe and... retire.

[first lines]

Villager: There's a curse upon this village, the curse of Frankenstein.

Crowd: Aye.

Older Villager: Aye, it is true. The whole countryside shuns the village. Our fields are barren, the inn is empty.

Village Mother of Hungry Children: My little ones cry in their sleep. They are hungry. There is no bread.

Older Villager: It's the curse, the curse of Frankenstein.

Mayor: This is nonsense, folks. You talk as though these were the Dark Ages. You know as well as I do that the monster died in the sulfur pit under Frankenstein's tower. And that Ygor, his familiar, was riddled with bullets from the gun of Baron Frankenstein himself.

Older Villager: But Ygor does not die that easily. They hanged him and broke his neck, but he lives.

Villager: Haven't I seen him, sitting beside the hardened sulphur pit, playing his weird horn as if to lure the monster back from death to do his evil bidden?

Mayor: You talk like frightened children.

Villager: Well, if something isn't done, there'll be a new mayor after the fall election.

Crowd: Aye.

Mayor: Well, what do you want me to do?

Villager: Destroy the castle! Wipe the last traces of these accursed Frankensteins from our land.

Councillor: The people are right, Your Honor.

Councillor: I agree, Your Honor.

Mayor: I don't believe that these dead wretches can affect the prosperity of this village. But do as you will with the castle. It's yours.

Villager: We'll blow it up!

Sheriff: You're really looking for a knuckle sandwich aren't you?

Mayor: No, but a piece of pie & a cup of coffee wouldn't break my heart, Colleen?

Colleen: I heard that Mr. Mayor.

Mayor: Oh good. Then you know what I want.

Colleen: I've got Blueberry.

Mayor: That's perfect. Are you registered?

Colleen: Of course.

Mayor: To vote that is!

Mayor: You gentlemen don't seem to realize, we're facing death.

Mayor: And if they traced it back to the company

Slade: You'd be out of a job, for one thing.

Gen. Behan: The Canadian government operates a top-secret plant in Nova Scotia. They own the most powerful Deltatron in existence. When they realize the common danger, they'll let us use it.

Mayor: Nova Scotia is 4000 miles away. The period between cycles is 11 hours. How are we gonna transport it there in that time?

Gen. Behan: Our jets travel at 600 miles an hour. And what's more, the new alloys used in our jets are non-magnetic. They will not be affected by the cargo. You, Dr. Stewart, and Forbes can follow in another plane, just in case.

[picks up phone]

Gen. Behan: Operator, this is General Behan. Give me Washington. Connect me with the Secretary of Defense.

[to Dr. Stewart and Mayor]

Gen. Behan: I like this world. Let's keep it in one piece. Or at least, let's try.

Mayor: You don't really think we stand a chance against those guys, do you?

Cody: If we don't stand up to them, we won't stand a chance at all.

Michael O'Toole: I have, in my time, visited three political conventions, four sessions of congress, and two homes for the criminally insane. I have known army generals, steam doctors, vegetarians, prohibitionists, and a female suffragette. But never, even in an Orangeman's Day parade, have I seen such pure and stainless brainlessness as I now behold in you. The Almighty, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, has given the worm enough sense to turn with, and the barnacle can grasp whatever happens to be standing by. But you are equipped with a mental capacity smaller than you were born with. Here we are, benighted in the middle of a nowhere named Molly-Be-Damn - a dreary little rookery, Timothy, a squalid sty, a festering pustule on the face of the western slope. Bless the town and bless the people! Look at them - the rabble of this cantankerous community! Knaves and fools, louts and lardheads, the least of all God's creatures, without enough push to pick the fleas off each other, abiding in putrefaction and inertia, curled up comfy in it like hogs in a mud hole! And while I, of all people, fret and sweat for a way to pull these Simple Simons out of the bog, you stand around making flatulent noises for the titillation of the vulgar mob. And while he's bubbling himself, what are you doing, you pusillanimous pack of popcorn pickers? You clattered clutch of clucks? The town dilapidating around you, coasting downhill in a handcart to Hell while you stand about gaping for flies and going patty-cake with your hands!

Mayor: There now! Now just one minute you!

Michael O'Toole: All right, all right, all right! Fine! Keep it, and treasure it the way it is! For when all this trash has collapsed into one pile, and the howling wilderness has claimed its own again, I want you hicks to be happy, belching and spitting, laughing and singing, swinging from tree to tree, with your friend Soapy Sam here, the Uriah Heep of the hookworm belt, standing around below waiting to steal anything that falls to the ground. If a nut should drop and fall - leave it lying there. It's probably my little brother Timothy.

Sheriff: Is that all?

[O'Toole throws up his hands]

Sheriff: [Crowd applauds]

Sheriff: By acclamation - the winner of the cussin' contest - Michael O'Toole!

Harriet Purdue: Fred, I showed you Ben Morgan's body. The man virtually *exploded*.

Mayor: What do you expect out of somebody who was thrown out of a damned pickup truck?