Jess Quotes in


Jess Quotes:

  • Jess: And, uh, remember moss also grows on the North side of trees.

    Martin: No, West.

    Ellie: I always thought it was East.

    JessRoy: North!

    Martin: You guys are just trying to confuse me.

    [Jess says some scientific mumbo-jumbo]

    Martin: Saying something that sounds impressive doesn't make it righter.

    Jess: Righter?

    [Smirks and pulls out his scout book]

    Martin: You actually pack a scout book?

    Jess: Hey, you recognize it. All right. See here.

    [Points to a part in the book on moss, and Martin looks furious]

  • Jess: [head to the ground, listening] Shhh!

    Martin: What, so now he's a tracker?

  • Ellie: [as Jess is untying them] Where's Martin?

    Jess: He's creating a diversion.

    [Suddenly there's a huge explosion. They all stare at eac other]

    Roy: What was that?

    Jess: [Shocked] I'm thinking the diversion.

  • Jess: Why did you come up here if you were on to us?

    Nicky: Professional curiosity, and I like boobs, so I considered it was a win win.

  • Jess: [suddenly sitting at his table] Will you be my boyfriend? Just for a minute. You're not a serial killer, are you?

    Nicky: That depends. How many times does it take to get to "serial"?

    Jess: Five.

    Nicky: Oh, no, we're good.

  • Nicky: You need to put some clothes on.

    Jess: Excuse me?

    Nicky: There's Australian people here.

    Jess: What is that supposed to mean?

    Nicky: I'm just sayin', Jess, they shipped all those people down there for a reason.

  • Farhad: Who's the girl?

    Nicky: Her name is Jess, Farhad. She's our internal.

    Farhad: Ah. You're hittin' that?

    Jess: [from in the back seat of the car] I'm right here.

    Nicky: No, Farhad, I'm not hitting that.

    Farhad: You should hit that.

    Jess: Yeah. Hi. I'm still right here.

    [waving her hand in his face]

  • Nicky: This is a game of focus

    [Shows Jess the ring he just stole]

    Jess: [Takes ring back] Very clever.

    Nicky: Now attention is like a spotlight, and our job, is to dance in the darkness.

    [shows her watch he just stole]

    Jess: I didn't even feel you take that.

    Nicky: The human brain is slow, and it can not multitask.

    [shows ring he stole again]

    Jess: Jesus.

  • [last lines]

    Jess: [limping toward emergency room] We'll be fine.

    Nicky: How?

    Jess: Trust me. I got you.

  • Nicky: You are not going to slap my face, are you?

    Jess: Why?

    Nicky: You would if you knew where my hand was.

  • Nicky: I'm all crewed up, sweetie.

    Jess: Oh come on, PLEASE. Can we just skip the part where I speak through thinly veiled allure and lead you to believe there is some earth-shattering hump in the works, cause I suck at that kind of stuff. I just want in.

    Nicky: There is no earth-shattering hump in the works?

    Jess: Yep.

    Nicky: I don't even get thinly veiled allure?

    Jess: No

    Nicky: No baby voice. No lingering eye contact?

    Jess: I'm hopeless.

    Nicky: That's all my favorite shit.

    Jess: I'm sorry.

    Nicky: Can I suggest you learn. Professionally.

    Jess: [seductively] I mean, you could show me. In your room.

    Nicky: [pauses] That is so BAD.

    Jess: Is it?

    Nicky: Does it feel sexy on your face?

    Jess: A little.

    Nicky: It does? Ok, let's go.

    Jess: Wait... Where... Wait... Wait... Am I in?

    Nicky: No. This is Horst.

    Horst: Hello Jess.

    Jess: Hi

    Horst: Nicky told me you were coming.

    Jess: [hits Nicky] You are such a dick.

    Horst: He gets that a lot. Let's go. Are you a size 4?

  • Nicky: [after Jess passes Horst's test] You're in!

    Jess: [excited & giggly] Really?

    Horst: [stern & no nonsense] Congratulations, you're a criminal.

  • Jess: So what about the big con? I though you were all big time.

    Nicky: Oh, you mean the one where we make so much money, we can all retire and get yachts and boob jobs? Now, that's a fantasy. We are in the volume business. It's safer that way.

  • [explaining to Joe how she got the large burn scar on her thigh that makes her shy of wearing shorts]

    Jess: I was eight. My mum was working overtime at Heathrow. And I was trying to cook beans on toast. And I jumped up to the grill to get the toast. And my trousers caught light so my sister put me in the bath, poured cold water over me and pulled them off. And half my skin came off too.

    Joe: Sorry.

    Jess: I know - it put me off beans on toast for life.

  • Joe: Look, Jess. I saw it. She fouled you. She tugged your shirt. You just overreacted, that's all.

    Jess: That's not all. She called me a Paki. But I guess that's something you wouldn't understand.

    Joe: Jess, I'm Irish. Of course I understand what that feels like.

  • Tony: Look, Jessie. You can't plan who you fall for. It just happens. I mean, look at... Posh and Becks.

    Jess: Well, Beckham's the best.

    Tony: [chuckles] Yeah! I really like Beckham too.

    Jess: Well of course you do. No one can cross a ball or bend it like Beckham

    Tony: [shakes head] No, Jess. I *really* like Beckham.

    Jess: What? You mean...

    [incredulous scoff]

    Jess: But you're Indian!

  • Jess: I'm sorry I missed that penalty, coach.

    Joe: It's okay, losing to the Jerries on penalties comes natural to you English. You're part of tradition now!

  • Joe: Where do you normally play?

    Jess: In the park.

    Joe: No... I meant what position?

  • Jess: Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?

  • Joe: Maybe after they train you up I'll sign you - if I can afford you.

    Jess: Yeah you wish!

  • Joe: Look, I can't let you go without knowing.

    Jess: What?

    Joe: That even with the distance, and it concerns your family, we might still have something. Don't you think?

  • Jess: I didn't ask to be good at football, Gura Nanak must have blessed me.

  • Jess: [after family accuses her of kissing a white boy who is really Jules] Me? Kissing? A boy? You're mad. You're all bloody mad.

  • Jules: We need you come to the Grand Final.

    Jess: I can't.

    Jules: [thinking it's about seeing Joe] You have to come!

    Jess: No, I can't!


    Jess: It's the same day as my sister's wedding.

    Jules: [moaning quietly] Aw, shit.

    Jess: [later, to Joe] Jess can't come on the 25th. It's the same day as her sister's wedding.

    Joe: [angrily] *Shit!*

  • Mrs. Bhamra: Your sister's getting engaged and you're sitting here watching this skinhead boy!

    Jess: Mum, it's Beckham's corner!

  • Jess: Why are you doing this to me, Joe? Every time I talk myself out of it, you come around and make it sound so easy.

    Joe: I guess I don't want to give up on you.

  • Joe: You're lucky... to have a family that cares that much about you. I can understand you don't want to mess with it.

    Jess: Joe...

    Joe: And I don't fancy being busted by your dad again. You better get back.

  • Jules: [at Jess's place, after Jess's dad sees Jess and Joe kissing] How are you?

    Jess: I'm *really* in the shit now.

  • Hounslow Harrier: [teases Jess about her kicking] Wimp!

    Jess: [retaliates] I'm better than you!

    Hounslow Harrier: Ooooooooooh! Bitch!

  • Jess: Joe! I'm going! They said I could go!

    [Joe and Jess hug tightly]

    Men in Background: Oi, oi, oi!

    Jess: I'm sorry, I forgot.

    Joe: That's okay now. I'm not your coach anymore. We can do what we want.

    [Joe leans in to kiss Jess. Jess wants to, but pulls back]

    Jess: Joe...

    Joe: [quickly pulls away] Your dad's not here is he?

    Jess: I'm sorry Joe. I can't.

    Joe: I thought you wanted...

    Jess: Letting me go to America is a really big step for my mum and dad. I don't know how they'd survive if I told them about you too.

    Joe: I guess there's not much point with you going to America anyway. Is there?

    [she shakes her head and they hug each other tightly]

  • Jess: Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.

    Harry Burns: Oh really? Well, that "symptom" is fucking my wife.

  • Harry Burns: Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.

    Sally: Harry.

    Harry Burns: Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won't know whose is whose. 'Cause someday, believe it or not, you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. This stupid wagon wheel ROY ROGERS GARAGE SALE COFFEE TABLE!

    Jess: I thought you liked it!

    Harry Burns: I WAS BEING NICE!

    [he leaves]

    Sally: He just bumped into Helen.

  • Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.

    Jess: You will never have to be out there again.

  • Harry Burns: [about Sally] I can say anything to her.

    Jess: Are you saying you can say things to her you can't say to me?

    Harry Burns: No, it's just different. It's a whole different perspective. I get the woman's point of view on things. She tells me about the men she desires and I can talk to her about the women that I see.

    Jess: You tell her about other women?

    Harry Burns: Yeah, like the other night, I made love to this woman. It was so incredible, I took her to a place that wasn't human. She actually meowed.

    Jess: [surprised] You made a woman meow?

    Harry Burns: Yeah, that's the point. I can say these things to her. And the great thing is, I don't have to lie, because I am not always thinking about how to get her into bed. I can just be myself.

    Jess: You made a woman meow?

  • [Playing "Pictionary."]

    Jess: "Baby talk"? That's not a saying.

    Harry Burns: Oh, but "baby fish mouth" is sweeping the nation? I hear them talking.

  • Jess: No one has ever quoted me back to me before.

  • Marie: Restaurants are to people in the 80's what theatres were to people in the 60's. I read that in a magazine.

    Jess: I wrote that.

    Marie: Get out of here.

    Jess: I did, I wrote that.

    Marie: Where did I read that?

    Jess: New York magazine

    Harry: Sally writes for New York magazine

  • Jess: When did this happen?

    Harry Burns: Friday. Helen comes home from and she said, "I don't know if I want to be married anymore." Like it's the institution, you know, like it's nothing personal, just something she's been thinking about... in a casual way. I'm calm, I say, "Why don't we take some time to think about it, you know, don't rush into anything."

    Jess: Yeah, right.

    Harry Burns: Next day she said she's thought about it, and she wants a trial separation. She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date. Like this is supposed to cushion the blow. I mean I got married so I can stop dating. So I don't see where we can still date is any big incentive since the last thing you want to do is date your wife, who's suppose to love you, which is what I'm saying to you, that's when it occurs to me that may be... she doesn't. So I say to her, "Don't you love me anymore?" You know what she says? "I don't know if I've ever loved you."

    Jess: Oooh, that's harsh!

    [They do "the wave"]

    Jess: You don't bounce back from that right away.

    Harry Burns: Thanks Jess.

    Jess: No, I'm a writer, I know dialogue and that's particularly harsh.

    Harry Burns: Then she tells me that somebody in her office is going to South America and she can sub-let his apartment. I can't believe this, and the doorbell rings, 'I can sub-let his apartment', the words are still hanging in the air, you know, like in a balloon attached to a mouth.

    Jess: Like in the cartoon.

    Harry Burns: Right. So I go to the door, and there were moving men there. Now I start to get suspicious. I say, "Helen when did you call these movers?", and she doesn't say anything. So I asked the movers, "When did this woman book you for this gig?" And they're just standing there. Three huge guys, one of them was wearing a T-shirt that says, "Don't fuck with Mr. Zero." So I said, "Helen, when did you make this arrangement?" She says, "A week ago." I said, "You've known for a week and you didn't tell me?" And she says, "I didn't want to ruin your birthday."

    [They do the wave again]

    Jess: You're saying Mr. Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did?

    Harry Burns: Mr. Zero knew.

  • Jess: Emily is terrific.

    Harry Burns: Yeah. But of course when I asked where she was when Kennedy was shot she said, "Ted Kennedy was shot?"

    Jess: No.

  • [Unable to guess what Sally is trying to draw during a round of Pictionary]

    Jess: Draw SOMETHING resembling ANYTHING.

  • Jess: So what is she?

    Harry Burns: Attractive.

    Jess: But not BEAUTIFUL, right?

  • Jess: Lots of people are bald.

    Milly: Oh, men are bald, Jess. Babies. ET. Not me.

  • Jago: It was really difficult getting it in that tiny pot. It was going everywhere.

    Jess: Well, how much did you loose? That could be our baby.

    Jago: Don't worry. I managed to scrape most of it off the cubicle wall. At least I... think it was mine.

  • [on a video call]

    Jago: How was the scan today?

    Jess: Guess what? Milly showed up.

    Jago: What? On the scan?

  • Jess: Then the policemen comes.

    Abi: That was just a misunderstanding, sweetheart.

    Doug: Sometimes when grown-ups discuss things very loudly, people will get the wrong ideas

    Mickey McLeod: He let me play with his taser.

    Doug: Well, he didn't let ya

    Mickey McLeod: He didn't say I couldn't.

    Jess: Does electricity feel nice, daddy?

    Doug: No, not nice.

  • Jess: I like being sick. It's like being a fountain.

  • Mickey McLeod: She ate Granddads Swiss roll!

    Jess: I didn't mean to. It was an accident!

  • Piers Cuthbertson-Smyth: [after Posh and the 2 young fans fall into the Thames] I want a close up of that wet infant!

    Jess: Look, Piers, I'm only getting you shouting.

    Piers Cuthbertson-Smyth: Well, shush then!

  • Jess: JJ, I'm a professional liar, you're not even a competent one.

  • JJ: My therapist told me story, true story, about this guy who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.

    Jess: It's an anecdote, not strictly a story.

    JJ: The moment he jumped, he realized that the only thing in his life he couldn't fix was the thing he'd just done. I mean, can you imagine those 5 seconds as he fell. The agony of that. Well, to me, it feels like I fell without falling, because of you guys. I had my 5 seconds up on that roof, and not in the air.

  • Jess: [describing the "vision"] He looked like Matt Damon! And he was naked!

    Penny: Matt Damon? Tell me more!

  • Jess: Are we in a gang?

    Martin: This is not a gang.

  • Jess: You're getting a thrill out of this, aren't you, you pervert! Oh my God, you're Martin Sharp! You *are* a pervert.

  • Meatballs: One word on Ryan, and it's gonna be on BlueTube!

    Jess: It's YouTube. It's called YouTube.

    Meatballs: Well, whatever it is, you're gonna be on it!

  • Jess: Life sentence, right?

    Ray Kasten: For you, too.

  • [last lines]

    Jess: Ray? RAY!

  • Jess: It had to be me. I owed my daughter that.

  • Jess: It's the weirdest thing, when you're on your way to do something, but you're not sure you're actually going to go through with it. Like reading a book, only you are the person that you're reading about. And then you watch yourself do it.

  • [after Chief Gillespie convinced Virgil Tibbs to stay in town and finish the investigation, they both go to a mechanic's place to get Tibbs a car]

    Chief Gillespie: Jess.

    [Jess, a black mechanic, appears from under the car he is working on]

    Chief Gillespie: Jess, this is, uh... This is Virgil. He's working for me. Give him something that runs. You fix him up, you hear.

    Jess: What I fix runs. Who pays.

    Chief Gillespie: Police.

    [to Tibbs:]

    Chief Gillespie: Well, you know where to find me.

    [after Gillespie has left, Jess looks Virgil and his suit up and down]

    Jess: What you doin' here, man.

    Virgil Tibbs: Policeman.

    Jess: You're a policeman here in Sparta.

    Virgil Tibbs: They've got a murder they don't know what to do with. They need a whipping boy.

    Jess: You got a roof.

    Virgil Tibbs: No. I'll find a Motel.

    [Jess chuckles and picks up Virgil's suitcase]

    Jess: Viola... We got company.

  • Kristin: [water runs, Kristen eyes Jess from the side] You're getting huge.

    Jess: [smiles, haughty] Thanks. Feel great.

    [dries hands with a paper towel and sees Kristin's arm]

    Jess: That's a nasty bruise. What happened?

    [Kristen pulls her sleeve down]

    Kristin: None of your business

    [glides on gloss]

    Jess: I heard about you and Brent. Did he do that to you?

    [expression on Kristen's face changes and she turns to Jess]

    Jess: If he did, you have to say something. If enough of us speak up, we can stop him.

    Kristin: Look, I'm not you, okay. I don't need to lead a crusade.

    [walks past her and out the bathroom; Jess looks at herself in the bathroom mirror and her phone sounds, signaling a text; she picks it up from her bag and open it, and a picture of another girl Brent raped is shown with the text "Something in Common", sent by Emily Harding]

  • Brent: [in the schoolyard, she and Brent come forward toward each other and speak with their faces close together] You got anything more to say to me?

    Jess: Get out of my way.

    Brent: What happened to that mouth of yours, huh? Cat got your tongue?

    Jess: I wouldn't be so smug, Brent. I'm not the only one who knows about you. You're not off the hook yet.

    [she walks away and Brent looks at her as she leaves and continues to look as he slowly starts to walk away]

  • Ryan: [voice heard as Brent is walking away] So he did the same thing to this Emily girl?

    Jess: Yeah.

    Ryan: Well, you have to tell the cops.

    Jess: I can't. Emily trusted me not to say anything. I mean, she hasn't even told her parents that she's coming forward.

    [Ryan shakes his head and she comes to the other side of the bed]

    Ryan: Well, when are you meeting with her?

    [turns to meet her face to face and sits on the bed and she leans on his lap]

    Jess: Tomorrow.

    Ryan: Okay. I'm going with you.

    Jess: [resolute, caressing Ryan's side of his face and neck ] No. She wants me to come alone.

    Ryan: I don't... think that's a good idea.

    Jess: It'll be fine. And we're finally gonna get him.

    [intense music as they look at each other]

  • Jess: He's one unlucky little boy, ain't he?

  • [first lines]

    Jess: [to Tommy] Oh you're just having a bad dream, that's all baby. That's all it was. Bad dreams make you think you're seeing things that you haven't. You know what I do when I have a bad dream? I close my eyes and I think of something nice - like being here with you.

  • Victor: [shocked to see Jess] How did you get here so fast?

    Jess: [frantic] Victor you gotta listen to me. We don't have much time.

    Victor: Whoa whoa what's going on? Where's Greg?

    Jess: He's dead.

    Victor: What?

    Jess: No no I mean he was dead

    Victor: What are you saying?

    Jess: Downstairs right now is a copy of myself. Me! Walking and talking with Greg.

  • Greg: Are you all right?

    Jess: [staring down one of the ships corridors] I feel like I know this place. I recognize this corridor.

    Greg: Well I guess they look pretty similar.

    Jess: [worried] No! That's not it!

  • Driver: Are you alright?

    Jess: Who are you?

    Driver: I'm just a driver... No point trying to save the boy, there's nothing anyone can do to bring him back. So... Can I give you a ride?

    Jess: Yes. Take me to the harbor.

  • Driver: [wakes Jess up] Hey. I'll leave the meter running. You will come back, won't you?

    Jess: Yes. I promise.

  • Jess: [looking at the pieces of paper with writing on it on the floor] IF THEY BOARD KILL THEM

  • Greg: [stepping off the yacht Triangle to meet Jess] Jess. You ok?

    Victor: I don't think so.

    Greg: Hey! What happened?

    Greg: [Jess hugs Greg] Hey what's the matter?

    Jess: I'm sorry.

    Greg: You've got nothing to apologize for. What is it? Are you OK?

    Jess: I'm just tired.

    Greg: Well listen we don't have to go today if you don't want too.

    Jess: [unsure] No I do... I... I... I wanna go

    Greg: You sure?

    Jess: [Jess looks at the others aboard the yacht Triangle] Yea... yea

    Greg: Yea? OK! Come here. Come meet the gang

    Greg: [they both step aboard the yacht] This is Sally and her husband Downey. This is Heather Sally's friend. You remember Victor?

    Downey: Hi.

    Greg: Lets go sailing!

  • Jess: I don't hear anything... only silence.

  • Bobby: The girls' team here is for shit.

    [he tries to throw the basketball in the hoop and misses]

    Jess: Yeah, so's the boys' if you're on it.

  • Jess: [to her brother] Where are they? What do you see?

  • Jess: [to her brother] You saw it too... didn't you?

  • Jess: Dad, I'm really scared. Can't we just go home?

    Roy: Jessica, this is home. You need to get used to that.

  • Sergeant Nash: [after Sergeant Nash calls the sorority house] Who is this?

    Jess: It's Jess.

    Sergeant Nash: Ah, Ms. Bradford, eh, this is Sergeant Nash. Are you the only one in the house?

    Jess: No. Phyl and Barb are upstairs asleep. Why?

    Sergeant Nash: All right. Now, I want you to do exactly what I tell you without asking any questions, okay?

    [Jess tries to ask something]

    Sergeant Nash: No, no, no... no questions. Now, just put the phone back on the hook, walk to the front door and leave the house.

    Jess: What's wrong?

    Sergeant Nash: Please, Ms. Bradford, please just do as I tell you.

    Jess: Okay. I'll get Phyl and Barb.

    Sergeant Nash: No, no, no! Don't do that, Jess... Jess, the caller is in the house. The calls are coming from the house!

  • Billy: [referring to her potential abortion] Just like having a wart removed.

    Jess: Oh, my God!

  • Peter: [to Jess over the phone] I love you.

    Jess: [to Peter over phone] I know.

Browse more character quotes from