Health Clinic Counselor Quotes in The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

Health Clinic Counselor: Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping.

Andy Stitzer: You could dry hump.

Health Clinic Counselor: There's masturbation.

Andy Stitzer: Masturbation. Play with yourself.

Health Clinic Counselor: Mutual masturbation.

Andy Stitzer: Play with a friend.

Andy Stitzer: Is it true that if you don't *use* it, you *lose* it?

Health Clinic Counselor: Is that a serious question?

Andy Stitzer: No, it wasn't.

Health Clinic Counselor: Oral sex play...

Boy at Health Clinic: Sounds like my Friday night.

Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, shut up Seth, we went to temple.

Dad at Health Clinic: Here's a cute story.

[Talking about his son]

Dad at Health Clinic: I came home the other day... and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed... doing things that are *illegal* in the state of Alabama. Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay?

Health Clinic Counselor: Did you have a question?

Dad at Health Clinic: How do I get my wife to do those things?

Health Clinic Counselor: Does anyone else have a question?