Dad at Health Clinic Quotes in The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

Boy at Health Clinic: Hey, do you have any extra large condoms?

Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, Seth, please! You have a tiny penis...

Boy at Health Clinic: Wait, so you're a virgin? I'd tap that.

Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, yeah, you'd 'tap that.' What, Seth, you think you're cool with your little Jew Fro? We don't say 'tap that.' What are you talking about, Seth?

Andy Stitzer: You know what? I'm a virgin too.

Dad at Health Clinic: We're virgins too.

[laughing]

Boy at Health Clinic: Yeah.

[high five's dad]

Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? It's a personal choice and I don't think it's weird at all.

Dad at Health Clinic: You know what your problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.

Health Clinic Counselor: Oral sex play...

Boy at Health Clinic: Sounds like my Friday night.

Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, shut up Seth, we went to temple.

Boy at Health Clinic: [discussing alternative sex practices at a health clinic] I prefer vaginal intercourse.

Dad at Health Clinic: [pats his son proudly on the back] He really does.

Dad at Health Clinic: Here's a cute story.

[Talking about his son]

Dad at Health Clinic: I came home the other day... and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed... doing things that are *illegal* in the state of Alabama. Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay?

Health Clinic Counselor: Did you have a question?

Dad at Health Clinic: How do I get my wife to do those things?

Health Clinic Counselor: Does anyone else have a question?