Mooj Quotes in The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

Mooj: Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?

Andy Stitzer: I'm 40.

Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!

Mooj: Go fuck a goat.

Mooj: Life is about people. It's about connections.

Andy Stitzer: It's all about connections.

Mooj: It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.

Andy Stitzer: Yeah.

Mooj: And butthole pleasures.

Andy Stitzer: It's not about butthole pleasures at all.

Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.

Andy Stitzer: Please stop.

Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.

Andy Stitzer: Mooj, just please stop.

Mooj: Everybody dick look big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick look big on TV.

Mooj: [talking to a customer] This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma.

Jay: What are you doing? That's my customer.

Mooj: It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended

Jay: No, no, that's my... She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested.

Mooj: I apologize, but it's too late. The transaction is completed.

Jay: Then you gonna give me half the commission.

Mooj: You will receive none of the commission.

Jay: I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy, man!

Mooj: This is bullshit! Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. How about... how about Jesse Jackson? Oh, Jesse, he needs a call...

Jay: I'm sick of you poaching my customers.

Mooj: I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit!

Jay: You wanna take this shit outside? You wanna just take it outside and just squash it?

Mooj: Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath, I cannot return it until it has spilt blood.

Jay: Listen to me, listen to me! You are fucking with the wrong nigger.

Mooj: Hey, hey! You are fucking with the wrong sand nigger, okay?

Jay: I will hang your old ass by your turban!

Mooj: [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent] Oh, turban, now! Do you see any fucking turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say, "Hey, Jay, you want a slurpee? You want a slurpee?" Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?

Jay: All right, man. Calm down, dude! Look... you still covering my shift on Friday or what?

Mooj: If I can keep this commission... with pleasure.

Jay: Cool, man. All right, pops.

[They hug; Jay leaves]

Mooj: [to Jay] Tell me something, when your child is born, is he already on parole?

Haziz: So tell me something Montell... Why were we not invited to your party? Are we Al Qaeda?

Jay: Whoa first of all it's not that kind of party.

Mooj: You know what? We are not coming to your fucking party okay? Fuck you! Go fuck a goat!

Jay: It's not that kind of party dawg

Mooj: Fuck you! Go fuck a goat

Jay: Hey why you always telling me to go fuck a goat man?

Mooj: [Yelling as he walks away] Fuck a goat!

Mooj: Rich man gets off work, then buys stereo. Not after fucking brunch!

Jay: Listen to me, listen to me. You're fucking with the wrong nigga!

Mooj: Hey, hey! You're fucking with the wrong sand nigga!

Mooj: I will pray for your cock.

Mooj: [upon hearing about Andy's promotion] This is the bullshit of all bullshit! Scumbag! Ass-kisser!