Emmett Quotes in Road House (1989)

Emmett: It ain't the money ya understand, but if I don't charge ya somethin' the Presbyterians around here are likely to pray for my ruination. How does a hundred dollars a month strike ya?

Dalton: Fine.

Emmett: Can ya afford that much?

Dalton: If it keeps you in the good graces of the church.

Emmett: Ain't it peculiar how money seems to do that very thing?

Emmett: Calling me 'sir' is like putting an elevator in an outhouse, it don't belong. I'm Emmett.

Emmett: Calling me sir is like putting an elevator in an outhouse. It don't belong.

Emmett: I swear he does that just to piss me off!

Dalton: Who does?

Emmett: Brad Wesley!

Jake: All I did was kiss a girl!

Emmett: They got you in jail for that?

Jake: Yeah, I kissed a girl, and this other fella didn't like it, so we had some words, and so I decided to get out of there. So I did, I got out of there. You know me, Emmett, I don't want no trouble. So, I go outside, and this fellow tries to shoot me in the back.

Emmett: You had to kill him?

Jake: No, no, I winged him. And he dropped his gun.

Emmett: They got you in jail for winging a guy?

Jake: Well... no, not exactly. Because, see, then his friend opened up on me.

Emmett: What friend is that?

Jake: The one with the shotgun.

Sheriff Langston: The DEAD one.

Emmett: [holds up a pistol in a gunbelt] Want one of these?

Mal: [holds up two Henry rifles] This oughta do.

Emmett: You're Dawson, ain't ya? Tex Larue. I used to ride with Rye Marsh, you know him. Well, Andy Simms told me there's a hideout near here, so I headed for it. I hope you don't mind.

Dawson: Mind? You brought a posse to my best hideout and you ask me if I mind? Mister, I don't know any of those names. You're about to die.

Emmett: Lyin' Pete always said you'd hang. I guess tomorrow at dawn he'll be proved right.

Sheriff Langston: Ten A.M.

Emmett: Oh, right, I always thought they did it at dawn.

Emmett: [after watching Cobb kill Kelly, Emmett looks over at Paden] You used to ride with that guy?

Sheriff Langston: [Sits at Emmett's and Paden's table] Now, let's talk about you chaps.

Paden: We'd rather stay.

Sheriff Langston: Well, we'll see about that. I'm Sheriff John Langston. As you may have guessed, I am not from these parts.

Paden: You're kidding.

Sheriff Langston: But the good citizens of Turley have taken me in their embrace and for one simple reason: I maintain the peace. So, when strangers come to town, I always ask them their business. Have you come for the hanging?

Emmett: [Shakes his head] I'm just meeting a guy here and moving on. So far I ain't been able to find him.

Sheriff Langston: Well, in my town, if you're looking for someone, you ask me.

Emmett: All right. He's a young guy, full of juice, about my size, wears a fancy two-gun rig.

Sheriff Langston: [Scratches his head for a moment] I know where that gentleman is.

[Scene shifts to the local jail]

[Paden comes back to the fire the night after Conrad is killed]

Emmett: Where you been, Paden?

Paden: Oh, I was just, uh... checking the, uh...

[Mal laughs]

Jake: Geez, Paden, her old man ain't even cold yet.

Emmett: Augie, where's Jake?

Augie Hollis: He's dead.

Emmett: [shocked] What?

Augie Hollis: He was trying to get away. He fell off his horse... off a cliff.

Emmett: [incredulously] Jake... FELL off his horse?

[Augie nods, then bursts into tears. Emmett consoles Augie with a hug, while suppressing a grin]

Sheriff Langston: What's all this then?

Carter: This nigger's breakin' up my place, Sheriff Langston.

Sheriff Langston: I don't like that word much, Carter.

Carter: We don't serve him here and you know it. I asked him to leave and he went crazy! Now he owes me money!

Sheriff Langston: Is that a fact?

Emmett: Afraid not, Sheriff.

[Points at the other two men lying on the floor]

Emmett: These other two fellows started the ruckus.

Sheriff Langston: [Points at Emmett and Paden] Are these your friends?

[Mal shakes his head]

Mal: I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place.

Sheriff Langston: Came to the wrong town. I don't tolerate this sort of thing. It's hard on the peace, and it's hard on the furniture. Now, knowing a bit about Carter here, I'm going to let you go without paying for the damages, but go you will, and I mean now.

Mal: Is there a place in town that takes "my kind?"

Sheriff Langston: You misunderstand. I want you out of town. In fact, I want you all the way out of my jurisdiction.

Mal: That ain't right.

Sheriff Langston: I decide what's right in this jurisdiction. Now, move.

[Mal prepares to leave but turns around as he is about to pass Sheriff Langston, heads back to the bar, finishes the drink the female bartender poured for him, and then leaves]

Carter: Hey, who's gonna pay for all this, Sheriff?

Sheriff Langston: Don't press your luck, Carter.

Conrad: Wait a minute. Even if you do get the money, how do we know you'll come back?

Emmett: Well, if we don't you can keep my brother.

Paden: Me, I'm riding along, minding my own business. Four cowboys come by and we decide to ride together for a while, friendly as can be. I always figure you might as well approach life like everybody's your friend or nobody is; don't make much difference. We get out in the middle of that frying pan and suddenly everybody's pointing their gun but me. I guess they admired my horse.

Emmett: [looking at Paden in his long underwear and socks] Looks like that's not all they admired.

Paden: Yup. The whole rig. I don't care much about the rest, but I surely will miss that bay. Least they didn't kill me. That was right considerate, I thought. They were laughing when they left me. Thought it was real funny. I walked for a little while but there was no use, so I gave it up. Figured it was just bad luck.

Paden: They just jumped you out of the blue?

Emmett: I had to get up anyway.

Hobart: Baxter! Hawley! Where the hell've you been? You're late and I tell you, I don't like it. It's a bad start, boys. I got my people down there throwin' snowballs and rarin' to go.

Emmett: I'm afraid it is a bad start, friend, 'cause my name ain't Baxter, he ain't Hawley.

Hobart: You're not Baxter?

Emmett: Name's Emmett.

Hobart: You're not Baxter either?

Paden: No, I'm not Hawley.

Hobart: Goddammit. Goddammit, they ain't Baxter and Hawley! Where in the hell are Baxter and Hawley?

Baxter: [Baxter and Hawley ride up on their horses] Quit your yellin', you old coot. We're right here.

[watching two guys start to gang up on Mal]

Paden: Doesn't look quite fair.

Emmett: Which way do you mean?

Emmett: [Emmett, Paden, Jake, and Mal are about to ride into town to face McKendrick, Sheriff Cobb and his deputies. Emmett turns to the others] I'll see you 'round.

Paden: Last one at the Midnight Star buys.

Jake: You're on. Let's get 'em!

Mal: [Emmett and Jake ride down the hill into town. Before following, Mal turns to Paden] Hey, Paden. Good luck.

J.T.: Problem is Emmet, you killed the wrong McKendrick.

Kate: J.T. Watch what you're saying around Augie. Emmet didn't kill anybody.

Emmett: Well Kate, it was self-defense sure enough, but I do think you'd have to say I killed old Murdo. Yeah I think that's definitely the word.

[Emmett, Paden, Mal, and Conrad track a pair of bandits who stole money from a wagon train to a hideout in a canyon filled with outlaws]

Paden: [to Emmett] You know, hangin' around with you is no picnic.

Emmett: Anybody got any ideas?

Paden: Well, I guess this is where we part ways. Sorry.

Emmett: No hard feelings.

Paden: Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Emmett: You ain't got any money.

Paden: Well, you buy me a drink.

Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?

Enrique Salvatore: Yes.

Emmett: Where?

Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.

Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?

Enrique Salvatore: Three months.

Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...

Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.

Emmett: Right.

[Everyone gasps/laughs]

Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend.

Chuck: YOU BITCH!

Emmett: I can't believe you just called me a butthead. I don't think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade.

Elle: Maybe not to your face.

Elle: [wearing a bunny costume and shopping for a laptop computer] Don't ask.

Emmett: Wasn't gonna.

Elle: [to Emmett] So, if you don't know an answer they're just gonna kick you out.

Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh?

Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too?

Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls, or wherever.

Professor Callahan: Smell this.

Emmett: What is it?

Professor Callahan: Her resume.

Emmett: [sniffs the pink paper] Smells good.

Emmett: You know what I thought when I first met you?

Elle: God, that woman wears a lot of pink?

Emmett: Elle I don't care where I marry just as long as I do. I do... I do... feels good.

Emmett: You fall asleep during the West Wing.

Elle: Yeah, but have you seen what they're wearing?

Emmett: I was in love too. My wife wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. She wanted to get married, we did. She wanted to have kids, we did. She wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and did in each other arms, we did. We can't.

Emmett: Remember Heaven, Elmo? All you have to do is think about where you want to be and you're there.

Chris Cross: How come you don't got somebody? Aren't you lonely?

Emmett: Yeah, sure. The only thing worse than being lonely with yourself is to be lonely with someone.

Howard: [the three friends are playing charades in the shelter] I'm always watching.

Emmett: Uh, God...?

Howard: [solemnly] I know what you're doing. I see everything.

Emmett: [faltering] Wha... uh, uh...

Howard: I see you when you're sleeping! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

Emmett: ...Um...

[Emmet and Michelle stare at each other nervously]

Howard: [seemingly going into a fit] I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO! I SEE EVERYTHING YOU DO! I'M ALWAYS WATCHING!

Emmett: Uh, Howard...?

Michelle: [blurting out] Santa Claus!

Howard: [suddenly calm and cheerful] ... Yeah, Michelle! Except it was Emmet's turn, not yours. I'm claiming five points.

Emmett: Could have been the Russians, aliens, maybe the South Koreans...

Michelle: You mean North Koreans?

Emmett: Is that the crazy one? Then yeah.

Emmett: Y.O.L.O... I don't even know what that means, but everybody says it, so it's gotta be cool, right?

[Michelle laughs, and Howard looks disgusted and annoyed]

Emmett: It's the end of the world and he's upset about a dead pig.

Michelle: [holds up one of Howard's daughter's outdated girly magazines] Look, look at this! We could use this.

Emmett: [incredulous] What, the 'ten new ways to style your bangs'?

Emmett: [Referring to a Polaroid snapshot that Howard has kept] ... Oh my god... she was a girl from town, she went missing... her body was found in a pond down the street from here...!

[He and Michelle freeze in realization]

Emmett: [talking to Michelle privately about Howard] He was in the navy, I know that much.

Emmett: We're here. We're alive. That means something... It's gotta.

Howard: He knocked over a shelf with a whole week's worth of food!... But he's sorry, aren't you?

Emmett: [nonchalant] ... Totally.

Howard: [Realizing that Michelle has noticed Emmet's injuries] That's what happens when you don't behave. Now I'm gonna tell you the same thing that I told him - you need to eat, you need to sleep and you need to start showing me a little more appreciation around here!