Morgan Quotes in Road House (1989)

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Morgan Quotes:

  • Morgan: What am I supposed to do?

    Dalton: There's always barber college.

  • Morgan: You know, I heard you had balls big enough to come in a dump truck, but you don't look like much to me.

    Dalton: Opinions vary.

  • Morgan: Mind your own business, Dad!

  • Morgan: [after socking a bar patron in the stomach and throwing him across the room into a table full of customers] Get him outta here, now!

    [Points a finger in Dalton's face]

    Morgan: If you're not drinking, you're outta here!

  • Morgan: If you're not drinkin', YOU'RE outta here!

    Carrie: Don' let 'im bother you. Morgan was born an asshole and jus' got bigger.

    Carrie: I'm Carrie Ann!... If you need ANYTHING... ANYTHING, jus' let me know.

    Carrie: You gotta name?

    Dalton: Yeah.

    Carrie: Well, what IS it?

    Dalton: Dalton.

    Carrie: [laughing] Ohhh my God! Shit! I've heard of youuu!

    Pat McGurn: 'Ey Carrie Ann! What're'ya waitin' for? Christmas? MOVE!

    Carrie: Ah shut up. I'm goin'. Jesus Christ.

  • Dawg Brown: [Morgan, knocked off her feet and backed against a bulkhead, is brandishing a burning stake from the debris] You plannin' to fight me with that little stick?

    Morgan: No, Uncle. With this!

    [Morgan withdraws a canvas tarpaulin reveals a loaded cannon and lights it, pointing at Dawg]

    Morgan: Bad Dawg!

  • Morgan: [about the Lieutenant's gun] By the way, that won't work. See, I took your balls.

  • Morgan: [about his sword fighting] Very pretty Mr. Shaw.

    William Shaw: Thank you, ma'am. I had the good fortune to study with a grand master in Vienna.

    Morgan: Glasspoole!

    Glasspoole: Aye!

    Morgan: [to Shaw] Now, stop diddling and kill the man.

    William Shaw: Kill him? Bless me, we never got to that.

  • Morgan: [to William after he asks her to be charitable] I brim with charity. I am charity's very soul. And because I am so charitable, I will maroon you on a rock the size of this table, instead of splattering your brains across my bulkhead... as you deserve.

  • Morgan: They're backwards.

    William: I assure you ma'am, they're normal in every respect.

  • Morgan: Stop your chatter and say something Latin-ish.

  • Morgan: Give me the map.

    William: Give me... a kiss first.

  • William: Why don't *you* row?

    Morgan: Why don't you *swim*?

  • [First lines]

    Lieutenant: [Morgan is getting dressed into her pirating capri pants and vest] You're leaving? But I thought you and I were forever... I want you so badly!

    Glasspoole: [shouts from outside] Morgan! Morgan!

    Lieutenant: [pulls a pistol on a surprised Morgan; with a heavy accent and over Glasspoole's shouts] But then... so does the Governor of Port Royal! He will be pleased by the capture of Morgan Adams the PIRATE.

    Morgan: You knew who I was?

    Lieutenant: All along.

    Glasspoole: [scene show Glasspoole waiting with Bowen on their horses] Morgan! Where are you?

    Morgan: [sternly] You are heartless, Lieutenant.

    Lieutenant: [apologetically] My apologies, señorita.

    Morgan: [suddenly smiles; as she puts her belt on] But... You are right! I thought it more amusing this way. In fact, *I* knew that *You* knew... By the way, that won't work.

    [the lieutenant looks confused. King Charles, Morgan's pet monkey, hands Morgan something; which she reveals to be the lieutenant's pistol's bullets]

    Morgan: See? I took your balls.

    [She leaves with King Charles; leaving the lieutenant dumbfounded with his empty pistol]

  • Dawg: [grabs Morgan by the jaw] Morgan... In sweet memory of you bouncing on my knee as a little girl... I'll give you one chance of me stealing your daddy's piece of the map.

    Morgan: [curtly] Would you settle to the point of my cutlass?

    Dawg: [chuckles bitterly] I knew you would say something like that... And we would soon fall into oaths and threats. Why don't cut on the jaw, shall we? I'll give one thing, little niece.

    [William and Bowen notice that a pirate has accidentally uncorked a bottle of gun powder which dribbled on to the ground, making a line as he walks. Dawg meanwhile walks over to the one of the barrels in the corner of the tavern, and with his bare hands, grabs an eel, which hisses menacingly. Dawg takes the hissing eel towards Morgan's face, as a way of torturing her into revealing the maps location]

    Dawg: [oilly; as he holds the hissing eel in front of Morgan, several inches from her face] This says it all Morgan... Pain, viciousness, mutilation... all the good things in life, my coat of arms.

    [Dawg laughs wickedly; William tosses a candle to Bowen, who grabs it]

    Morgan: [about the eel; trying to maintain her composure] Ugly... slippery and foul smelly... It DOES say it all...

    [snarls]

    Morgan: And it looks like you!

    Dawg: [smiles malevolently] Heh, heh... Thank you.

    [Bowen throws the candle on the stream on gunpowder that flared toward where the gunpowder pirate has walked to; just as Morgan is about lose her nerve, the gunpowder's source explodes, distracting Dawg]

  • [last lines]

    William Shaw: Where to, Morgan?

    Morgan: I told you, Madagascar.

    William Shaw: But that's in Africa.

    Morgan: Then we best get busy. Mr. Trotter, take the crow's nest and watch for the next twelve hours.

    Captain Trotter: Good as done, ma'am.

    Morgan: Mr. Blair, prepare to come about. Steer south to south-east.

    Mr. Blair: Onto your stations, men. Prepare to come about, south to south-east...

    Morgan: And Mr. Shaw, I'd like to see you in my cabin. Immediately.

  • Rome: Would somebody *please* shoot this guy?

    Morgan: What does it look like we're doin'?

    Rome: Missing.

  • Morgan: Hey man, you said there were no crocodiles in these marsh!

    Bennett: Those are alligators.

    Morgan: Are they hungry?

    [looking at alligators eating the body]

    Bennett: Not anymore!

  • Rome: Morgan, see if you can go find the generator.

    Morgan: Why me?

    Rome: Why not?

    Morgan: What if there's some guy up there with a hockey mask and a hatchet? Or... or a group of country ass crackers cravin' some man-love?

    Rome: It'll be fun, like summer camp.

  • Morgan: I hate cops... and rock candy.

  • Frank: [while trying to convince Morgan to choose a Mini-Van] It's got CD, DVD... we can even get Joey to put some spinners on it.

    Morgan: [looks over at Joey] Fuck you!

    Frank: Or not.

  • Eric: We never should have followed that bitch in here.

    Morgan: Quiet, barnacle. It was those land-lubbers that led us into this trap.

  • Morgan: [answering the phone] Who is it?

    Who Am I?: No, it's Who am I?

  • [repeated line]

    Morgan: Trust no-one!

  • Morgan: Who are you?

    Airforce: I don't know

  • Morgan: Where are you from?

    Airforce: I don't know

  • Morgan: Gentlemen, you are all in a line of elite men, great men, who have defended the world's most enduring sporting record. It's an honor to know you, it's an honor to sail with you. Tradition has it that the first American skipper to ever loose the Cup will replace it with his own head in the trophy case. Gentlemen, my head is in your hands. Please be careful, I've become attached to it. I would propose a toast. The Cup.

    All: Hear! Hear! The Cup!

  • Morgan: Everyone wants it easy today Will. And the reason we don't have the Cup, is that we don't deserve to have the Cup.

  • Morgan: Trust is the weakest virtue.

  • Morgan: [narrating] My name is Morgan and I play football. We'd worked our butts off tryin' to get it together for the big Sunday game, so the coach told us to knock it off and relax for a few days. One of my teammates, Davis, came up with the idea that we head out to the island. He went ahead to make the arrangements. I talked our PR man Brian into coming along. I felt the day off would do him some good, too. It'll be great to be in the country again and enjoy some of the open spaces Man hasn't screwed up with his technology. My father used to say, "Morgan, one of these days the Earth will get even with Man for messing her up with his garbage. Just let Man continue to pollute the Earth the way he is and nature will rebel. It's gonna be one hell of a rebellion." 'Course, I never took 'im seriously, but I still remember the way he looked at me when he said, "You'll never know when and where it's gonna happen. And once it starts, you'll never know how and when it'll stop." It's funny how my father's prediction comes to mind when I go to the country, like today.

  • Morgan: When I swear out charges with the district attorney, I'll know who to name.

    Jack Bensington: What the hell are you talkin' about?

    Morgan: Second-degree murder, I guess that's what they'll call it. My friend was killed by your wasps yesterday afternoon.

    Jack Bensington: They're not my wasps!

    Morgan: Well if you own the stuff that made them grow, I guess you're liable for whatever they do.

  • Mrs. Skinner: Until Mr. Skinner comes home and says he wants you to have our food, Mr. Bensington, nobody owns nothin' but us. The good Lord give it to us to do as we please.

    Morgan: [to Bensington] Well, it would appear that you just move back three spaces and lose a turn.

  • Jack Bensington: You know about the food the Skinners have up here?

    Morgan: Yeah, a little.

    Jack Bensington: Well, I can tell you right now if you're entertaining any intention of becoming involved, you're too late. My company controls all rights.

    Morgan: Well then maybe it's not Mr. Skinner I want to see after all, is it?

  • [the teddies are leaving the Bananas' house]

    Morgan: I've just to collect my camera, Bananas. There we go. I'll be seeing you.

    Amy: Goodbye, Bananas!

    B1B2: Bye, Teddies!

    B1: Ok. Now what?

    B2: I don't know, B1.

    B1: Me neither, B2. What if this... uh, Rog guy is really going to take over Cuddles Avenue?

    B2: Oh dear, B1.

    B1: Oh dear oh dear, B2.

    B1B2: [thinks, gasps] TEDDIES! TEDDIES!

  • [Dith Pran is forced to leave the French Embassy]

    Morgan: For chrissakes, Sydney, why didn't you get him out then you had the chance? You had no right to keep him here! Funny sense of priorities.

    Dith Pran: I'm a reporter too, Morgan! I know his heart. I love him like my brother, and I'd do anything for him! Anything!

  • Morgan: Can't breathe.

    Doctor at Union Meeting: What?

    Morgan: [Morgan is afraid to say more than a few words to the union doctor in case the plant finds out] ... We can't breathe.

    Quincy Bissell: Oh yeah, there's uh, there's a lot of stuff here about respirators... uh, we got these contamination...

  • [Karen is digging through a filing cabinet, trying to find the film negatives and records from the plant. When she turns around she sees Morgan next to her and nearly screams]

    Karen Silkwood: [gasps] Morgan!... jesus you scared me!

    Morgan: Had to.

    Karen Silkwood: ...I'm doin' somethin' good.

    Morgan: I know what you're doing, and you're the wrong person to be doing it. It's dangerous... that's all I'm going to say.

  • Morgan: What, are you officially a woman now?

    Nick Marshall: I wish!

  • Morgan: Can we walk AND talk? Because, in case you live, I don't wanna be late.

  • [Morgan slowly opens the door]

    Morgan: [groaning and muttering]

    Roger Penderel: Even Welsh ought not to sound like that!

  • Morgan: There's too much information!

    [proceeds in shooting the multiple computer screens surrounding him]

  • Morgan: [after Murphy failed to shoot down a purse snatcher who outran him] You'll catch a heart attack before you catch a nigger, Tarzan.

    Corelli: What's his problem?

    Murphy: He thinks I'm a liberal.

  • Morgan: Hey Murph, what do you think of that son of a bitch, huh? Connolly. Captain Connolly. That clown they dress up as a cop. That fuckin' banana. I mean, who does he think he's playin' with, some chickenshit rookie? I've been on the job too long, you know what I mean? Yeah, they might get me for coopin'. Or for scorin' a little nookie on the side. Or, maybe even shakin' down a bodega. I never said I was the smartest guy in the world, but when he comes up with this phony witness shit...

    Murphy: They *got* witnesses, Einstein.

    Morgan: Yeah, deaf and dumb ones, right?

    Murphy: Real live ones! The kind that put you away.

    [Murphy gives him a hard and direct smirk, and walks out of the bar]

    Morgan: Hey Murph! Murphy! Murphy, come here!

    [goes out after Murphy]

    Morgan: [confronting Murphy on the street] Murphy! What are you talking about?

    Murphy: They got the little chick that was hiding up there behind the junk pile!

    Morgan: What chick?

    Murphy: Yeah, they got me and Coreli, too... A-Number One police work... Poor kid wasn't botherin' nobody, and you throw him off the roof!

    Morgan: You shut the fuck up!

    Murphy: You fuckin' creep, I wish I was man enough to turn you in!

  • Morgan: Those guards you fired were valuable men. Whatta you want to replace them with? A crew of schoolteachers?

    Mark Braden: Maybe you got things just a little twisted, Morgan. This is a school you're running and not a prison. You're dealing with kids, not hardened criminals!

  • Morgan: [to Skylar and her friend, referring to Will] My boy's wicked smart.

  • Chuckie: Christ, who did you call?

    Will: No one. I forgot the number.

    Morgan: You fuckin' retarded? You went all the way out there in the rain and you didn't bring the number?

    Will: No, it was your mother's 900 number. I just ran out of quarters.

    Morgan: Hey, how about we get off of mothers, alright? I just got off of yours!

  • Morgan: [in a bar] Man, I can't believe you brought Skylar here when we're all fucking bombed and been drinking. What the fuck is she gonna think about us?

    Will: [sarcastically] Yeah, Morgan, it's a real rarity that we'd be out drinking.

  • Morgan: [in Chuckie's car, Morgan in the passenger side back seat, Bill sitting in the backseat of the driver's side] Double Burger.

    [singing]

    Morgan: Chuck, I had a double burger!

    Chuckie: Will you shut the fuck up? I know what you ordered, I was there.

    Morgan: So give me my fucking sandwich.

    Chuckie: What do you mean your sandwich? I bought it. Hey Morgan, how much money you got on you?

    Morgan: I said I'd give you the change when we ordered the Sno-Cones when we pulled up, so why don't you give me my sandwich and stop being a prick.

    Chuckie: Well why don't you give me your fucking sixteen cents you got on you and we'll put your sandwich on layaway. There you go, keep it right up here for you, We'll put you on a program. Everyday you bring your six cents and at the end of the week you'll get your sandwich.

    Morgan: Why do you have to be such an asshole?

    Chuckie: What am I, fuckin' sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit. Like how you bought your couch, payment plans. Remember how your mother brought in $10 everyday for a year and she finally got her couch Rent-A-Center Style?

    Morgan: Can I have my food now please?

    Chuckie: [throws the burger at Morgan] Here's your fucking double burger!

  • Chuckie: [in Chuckie's dining room] Wait, Bill. Hold it. Did you hear that?

    [Man moans upstairs]

    Chuckie: Morgan! If you're watching pornos in my mom's room again, I'm gonna give you a fucking beating!

    [Morgan runs downstairs]

    Morgan: What's up fellas?

    Billy: Morgan, why don't you jerk off in your own fucking house. Man, that's fucking filthy.

    Morgan: I ain't got a VCR in my house.

    Chuckie: Aw, c'mon, not on my glove.

    Morgan: I didn't use the glove.

    Chuckie: That's my Little League glove.

    Morgan: What do you want me to do?

    Chuckie: I mean, what's wrong with you? You'll hump a baseball glove?

    Morgan: I was just using it for clean-up.

    Chuckie: Stop jerking off in my mother's room!

    Morgan: Ain't there another VCR in the house?

    Chuckie: It's just sad bro.

  • Chuckie: [while leaving a little league baseball game] Morgan, I'm not going to Kelly's just because you like the takeout girl. It's fifteen minutes out of our way.

    Morgan: What the fuck are we gonna do that we can't spare fifteen minutes?

  • Morgan: ...and the heavy set girl said that I had a receding hair line and that I was a couple pounds overweight and I was like 'Go fuck yourself!'... I swallowed a bug.

  • Morgan: [driving past the bullies they saw at the little league baseball game] If you were gonna fight them, why didn't you fight them back there? We got snacks now!

  • Merrill: Morgan, this crop stuff is just about a bunch of nerds who never had a girlfriend their whole lives. They're like thirty now. They make up secret codes and analyze Greek mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Nerds were doin' it twenty five years ago and new nerds are doing it again.

    Graham Hess: Its just static, Morgan. Frequency.

    [Weird noises come from the baby monitor]

    Morgan: It's a code.

    Bo: Why can't they get girlfriends?

  • Graham Hess: That's why he had asthma. It can't be luck. His lungs were closed. His lungs were closed. No poison got in. No poison got in. His lungs were closed. His lungs were closed.

    [Merrill checks for a pulse]

    Graham Hess: Don't touch him. Give him a minute.

    [Merrill starts crying]

    Merrill: Graham...

    Graham Hess: Give him a second.

    Bo: Daddy...

    Graham Hess: Don't touch him.

    Merrill: Graham...

    Graham Hess: Don't... Don't.

    Morgan: Dad? What happened? Did someone save me?

    [Graham starts crying]

    Graham Hess: Yeah, baby, I think someone did.

  • Morgan: We have to tape this.

    [he gets a tape, but Bo grabs it and hugs it to her]

    Bo: My ballet recital!

    Morgan: Listen, Bo. This is very important. Everything people have written about in science books is going to change. The history of the world's future is on the TV right now. We need to record this so you can show *your* children this tape and say *you* were there. For your children, Bo.

    Bo: My ballet recital!

  • Morgan: If you're gonna make fun of it, then forget it.

    Bo: This is serious.

    Graham Hess: I don't know what got into me.

    Morgan: There are pictures. Dr. Bimbu, one of the authors of the book...

    Graham Hess: Bimbu?

    Morgan: Dad!

    Graham Hess: I just asked his name.

    Morgan: You had a tone.

  • Morgan: Maybe we should say a prayer.

    Graham Hess: No.

    Morgan: Why not?

    Graham Hess: We're not saying a prayer.

    Morgan: Bo has a bad feeling.

    Bo: I had a dream.

    Graham Hess: We aren't saying a prayer. Eat!

    Morgan: I hate you.

    Graham Hess: That's fine.

    Morgan: You let Mom die.

    Merrill: Morgan...

    Graham Hess: I am not wasting one more minute of my life on prayer. Not one more minute. Understood?

    [Bo starts crying]

    Graham Hess: Now we are going to enjoy this meal. No one can stop us from enjoying this meal, so enjoy it! Stop crying!

    Merrill: Graham...

    Morgan: Don't yell at her!

    Graham Hess: All right, since you're all not going to eat, I'm going to try some of everything.

    [He angrily starts piling food on his plate, and tries to eat, then breaks down crying. He pulls Morgan, Bo, and Merrill in, and everyone hugs]

  • [giving the dog a bowl of water]

    Bo: It tastes funny.

    [Morgan takes a sip]

    Morgan: It does not. It's just tap water. Besides, he licks his butt every day, I don't think he'll mind.

  • Morgan: [to Bo] Everything people have written about in science books is going to change...

    Off-Screen TV Anchor: [about 45 seconds later] Everything they wrote in science books is about to change.

    Morgan: I told you.

  • Merrill: Hey, you guys okay?

    Morgan: Some guy had a sign saying it was the end of the world.

    Merrill: Don't worry.

    Morgan: You won't let anything happen to us, right?

    Merrill: No way.

    Morgan: I wish you were my dad.

    Merrill: What did you say? Don't you ever say anything like that again. Ever!

  • Morgan: They said there are one of two outcomes of an invasion. One: they fight, and are defeated, and have to return again with full forces hundreds or even thousands of years later.

    Graham Hess: What's two?

    Morgan: They win.

  • Graham Hess: Morgan, did this book of yours say what might happen if they were hostile?

    Morgan: Yes, it said they would probably invade. They wouldn't use their technology, or fight in airborne battles, because they know eventually we would use nuclear weapons, and the planet would be useless to them.

    Graham Hess: What else?

    Morgan: It said there are two possible outcomes of an invasion. One, they fight and are defeated, and have to return with reinforcements. Hundreds, perhaps even thousands of years later.

    Graham Hess: What's two?

    Morgan: They win.

  • Merrill: I'll make some sandwiches.

    Bo: I want spaghetti.

    Merrill: We'll just eat fast Bo.

    Graham Hess: Spaghetti sounds great. What do you want Morgan?

    Morgan: Anything. French toast... and mashed potatoes.

    Graham Hess: Now we're talking. How about you, Merrill?

    Merrill: Chicken teriyaki.

    Graham Hess: Good choice. And I'm going to have a cheeseburger with bacon... extra bacon.

  • Morgan: I think God did it.

  • Morgan: [all four member of the Hess family are in front of the tv, watching the lights from alien spaceships hover in the night sky] There are lights in over 274 cities. They think it'll be 400 within the hour. They're appearing at or within one mile of crop signs.

    Merrill: [referring to the crop circle in their corn field] They were for navigation. They made a map. They're going to be within a mile of us.

    Morgan: Dad!

    Graham Hess: Yes?

    Morgan: [quoting his new library book about aliens] I think these are stages immediately preceding an attack maneuver. I was wrong. They're hostile.

    Merrill: It's like War of the Worlds.

    TV Anchor: Ground forces have been assembled in countries throughout the globe. Hundreds of thousands have flocked to synagogues, temples, and churches. God be with us all.

    Graham Hess: [about how he and Merrill have been nailing boards over every opening in the house] I'm going to get back to the windows.

    Merrill: [Graham leaves and uncle Merill kneels beside the children] You guys okay?

    Morgan: Some guy had a sign saying it was the end of the world.

    Merrill: Don't worry.

    Morgan: You won't let anything happen to us, right?

    Merrill: No way.

    Morgan: I wish you were my dad.

    Merrill: What did you say? Don't you ever say anything like that again. Ever!

    [Graham covers the window with another board]

  • Merrill: I'll make some sandwiches.

    Bo: I want spaghetti.

    Graham Hess: Spaghetti sounds great. What do you want, Morgan?

    Morgan: Anything? French toast and mashed potatoes.

    Graham Hess: Good choice. Merrill?

    Merrill: Chicken Teriyaki.

    Graham Hess: I'm gonna have a cheeseburger with bacon.

    [smiles]

    Graham Hess: Extra bacon.

  • Morgan: It's not contaminated, you don't even know what that word means.

  • Graham Hess: My vote counts as two.

    Morgan: That's bullshit. You're cheating.

    Graham Hess: Morgan, calm down.

    Morgan: We don't know anything yet...

  • Mr. Nathan: It's a bunch of crock. They're trying to sell sodas. I've been watching all morning, and I've seen 12 soda commercials. 12.

    Morgan: Do you have any books on extraterrestrials?

    Mr. Nathan: Don't tell me you believe this horse manure.

    Mrs. Nathan: As a matter of fact, I think we do...

  • Morgan: The book says they're probably very good problem solvers. They'll find a way in.

  • Morgan: [seeing his father staring at them in slight confusion as to why they have their heads wrapped in tinfoil] It's so the aliens can't read our minds.

    Graham Hess: [in a placidly-resigned playing-along-and-almost-half-believing-it-himself-at-that-point tone] Oh - - oh, of course.

  • Kate Forster: [to Alex] Call me on July 10, 2006 at... 9:05 PM.

    [cell phone rings]

    Kate Forster: [hesitantly picks it up] Hello?

    Morgan: Kate. It's Morgan.

  • Morgan: [interrupting Kate and Alex's kiss] Kate.

    Kate: [awkwardly] Um, Alex was just telling me about the lake house. Yeah, it sounds really great.

    Morgan: Great.

  • Alex: [chasing his dog] Jack!

    Morgan: You should keep him on a leash.

    Alex: Her.

  • Morgan: I've never seen anyone move like that before.

    Sasha: I'm sure.

  • Morgan: They pushed us too far! They didn't think we'd fight, no matter what they did!

    Julian Osborne: And they were wrong. We fought. We expunged them. And we didn't do such a bad job on ourselves.

  • Julian Osborne: There was a choice. It was build the bombs, and use them - or risk the United States, the Soviet Union, and the rest of us, would find some way... to go on living.

    Morgan: [scoffs] That's wishful thinking if ever I heard it.

    Julian Osborne: [softly] I'm not against wishful thinking. Not now.

  • Morgan: You were right Lee they weren't my friends except Amy

  • Ted Brenner: [aiming a gun at her] You gotta stop. You're not well, Morgan. You're sick.

    Morgan: [disarms him, and shoots him] I'm feeling much better.

  • Morgan: [looking out over the lake] Is this what heaven's like?

    Dr. Amy Menser: I don't know.

    Morgan: It must be. I feel... Alive.

  • Morgan: Oh, my God, I am *way* too stoned for this!

  • Erin: Her body is starting to stink, you guys!

    Morgan: It's better than that store.

  • Morgan: I'm sorry, but how often do girls blow their heads off in this shithole town?

  • Morgan: What are we gonna do?

    Kemper: I don't know... uh... we gotta call the cops, I guess.

    Morgan: Um, yeah, on a list of bad ideas, that one goes, way up there. Oh, police officers, please, as you inspect a crime scene, which is now our van, please, ignore the colorful pinata, filled with marijuana, in case you happen to come across it, because it played no part, you know, whatsoever in the demise of this unfortunate, young, woman.

  • Sheriff Hoyt: Is that where she was sitting? Because the angle don't add up for me with the blood on that back window.

    Morgan: Maybe she was a bit more in the middle.

    Sheriff Hoyt: Well, maybe you ought to move a little more over to the middle.

    Morgan: But...

    Sheriff Hoyt: What, are you afraid of a little blood? Get the fuck over there!

  • [sees rotten big corpse in meat window]

    Morgan: Anyone want some pig?

  • Morgan: Will somebody tell her to please stop singing?

  • Kemper: I've never seen anybody die before.

    Morgan: Yeah, most people never do.

  • Morgan: I was like Erin don't drink the water down there...

    Erin: I didn't!

    Kemper: And she didn't drink the tequila, she didn't drink the weed, smoke the weed.

  • Diane: Here's to law school, may it be the three shortest years of my life.

    Jeanie: Here's to reaching my full capacity.

    Diane: A whole quarter of it.

    Stevie: Here's to my new employers at Pan Am, may they never find out I'm afraid of flying.

    Liz: Here's to my mother who never let me forget that I was born with a silver spoon up my ass. But mother you were wrong, it's up my nose!

    Katherine: Here's to my sisters...

    Diane: Oh come on!

    Katherine: No seriously, here's to my sisters without whom I wouldn't be what I am today... wasted!

    Diane: Alright Morgan, now we understand this takes a lot of thinking Morgan...

    Morgan: Here's to...

    [begins to throw up within mouth]

  • Morgan: Does that mean she could still be alive?

  • Morgan: Well, I bet you're tickled pink that your daughter's comin' back, huh?

  • Hank: Well, I'm a coyote's uncle!

    Morgan: Turn away, you desert rat.

  • Morgan: Why, the dirty, low-life swine!

  • Morgan: I'll go the limit to make this the rip startin'est weddin' that these parts have ever seen. Wine! Music! And Everything! We'll make it an all day fiesta!

  • Morgan: I will always remember this night, kissing that very attractive boy-girl.

    Jordan: It's girl-boy.

  • Morgan: Are you the little Dragonfly-boy?

    Jordan: No, I'm the Princess Bee.

  • [First lines]

    Morgan: My head feels like gallons of water stuck in a soda can. Is it leaking out of my eyes?

    Jordan: Soda or water?

    Morgan: Soda.

    Jordan: Let me see. No, it's water.

  • Morgan: Your arms look like my arms.

    Jordan: Your 8's look like 9's.

    Morgan: It is a 9. My 9's look like 8's.

  • Jordan: Don't be sad if I don't call.

    Morgan: I won't be.

    Jordan: Would you be mad if I do call?

    Morgan: You won't.

    Jordan: How do you know?

    Morgan: I gave you the wrong number.

  • Jordan: Can I come in?

    Morgan: Why? There's no valuables inside.

    Jordan: Just wanna see where the dragonfly sleeps.

  • Morgan: Look, I don't mean to be mean, but I'm *really* tired.

    Jordan: Oh, I'm not leaving until I find out something about you I don't like. Right now you are pretty perfect.

  • Morgan: What happened to your face?

    Jordan: Someone broke my heart and it spread to my face.

  • Dennis: Jordan, I didn't hear you come in last night. Did he knock or just creep up the back steps?

    Morgan: I let him in dad.

    Dennis: What time was that?

    Jordan: I thought you were retired from being a detective.

  • Morgan: I will watch over you as a Dragonfly.

  • Jordan: Dragonflies only live for three months and look how happy they are.

    Morgan: How do you know they are happy?

    Jordan: Have you ever heard of a depressed dragonfly?

  • Morgan: I can talk and I can think, but I don't know anything.

Browse more character quotes from Road House (1989)

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