Dalton Quotes in Road House (1989)

Steve: Being called a cocksucker isn't personal?

Dalton: No. It's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response.

Steve: What if somebody calls my mama a whore?

Dalton: Is she?

Dalton: I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice.

Doc: Do you enjoy pain?

Dalton: Pain don't hurt.

Doc: Most of my patients would disagree with you.

Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.

Morgan: What am I supposed to do?

Dalton: There's always barber college.

Dalton: Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone.

Dalton: Nobody ever wins a fight.

Doc: Do you always carry your medical record around with you?

Dalton: Saves time.

Dalton: People who really want to have a good time won't come to a slaughterhouse. And we've got entirely too many troublemakers here. Too many 40-year-old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.

Emmett: It ain't the money ya understand, but if I don't charge ya somethin' the Presbyterians around here are likely to pray for my ruination. How does a hundred dollars a month strike ya?

Dalton: Fine.

Emmett: Can ya afford that much?

Dalton: If it keeps you in the good graces of the church.

Emmett: Ain't it peculiar how money seems to do that very thing?

Doc: Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?

Dalton: Philosophy.

Doc: Any particular discipline?

Dalton: No. Not really. Man's search for faith. That sort of shit.

Doc: Come up with any answers?

Dalton: Not too many.

Doc: How's a guy like you end up a bouncer?

Dalton: Just lucky I guess.

Dalton: So, you play pretty good for a blind white boy.

Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: Yeah, and I thought you'd be bigger.

Dalton: If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you, and you'll both be nice. I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal.

Red Webster: How long are you gonna be in town?

Dalton: Not very long.

Red Webster: That's what I said 25 years ago.

Dalton: Really? What happened?

Red Webster: I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That's life. Who can explain it?

Dalton: Sorry, we're closed.

Ketchum: Then what are all these people doing here?

Dalton: Drinking and having a good time.

Ketchum: That's why we're here.

Dalton: You're too stupid to have a good time.

[Dalton walks in on Steve having sex with a girl in the supply closet]

Dalton: Yo, Steve! You're history.

Steve: But I'm on my break!

Dalton: Stay on it.

Steve: Ah, shit!

Wade Garrett: What's the matter? Still living in the past, aren't ya? We're a long way from Memphis.

Dalton: Memphis has nothing to do with it.

Wade Garrett: BULLSHIT. That dog won't hunt. I can't believe you're still draggin' that shit around with ya. It seems to me, you'd be a little more... philosophical about it. AND CUT IT THE FUCK LOOSE. You know, that fucking cu-... that *girl* never told you she was married. DID SHE? And when a man sticks a gun in yer face, you got two choices; you can die or you can KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER.

Dalton: My way... or the highway.

Jimmy: Prepare to die.

Dalton: You are such an asshole.

Dalton: [after interrupting Denise's unsolicited striptease] If you're gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash.

Doc: Is this the part where you tell me what a great guy your friend is?

Wade Garrett: Not hardly. This is the part where I tell you I want you for myself.

Doc: [laughs]

Dalton: Oh, yo. Whatever he's saying, you can be fairly sure it's a lie.

Wade Garrett: [giving Dalton a look and her a longer look] Don't bet on it.

Morgan: You know, I heard you had balls big enough to come in a dump truck, but you don't look like much to me.

Dalton: Opinions vary.

Doc: You know, for that line of work I thought you'd be bigger.

Dalton: Gee, I've never heard that before.

Frank Tilghman: I got your plane ticket right here.

Dalton: I don't fly... too dangerous.

Jimmy: Damn, boy. I thought you were good.

Dalton: Go fuck yourself.

Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: Man, this toilet is worse than the one that we worked in Dayton.

Dalton: Really?

Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: Oh man, it's a mean scene around here, man. There's blood on the floor of this joint every night.

Emmett: I swear he does that just to piss me off!

Dalton: Who does?

Emmett: Brad Wesley!

Dalton: You play pretty good for a blind boy.

Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: And I thought you'd be bigger.

Frank Tilghman: It's a good night. Nobody died.

Dalton: It'll get worse before it gets better.

Dalton: I better take you home. I keep talking, you're gonna go on thinking I'm a nice guy.

Doc: I know you're not a nice guy.

Dalton: You got quite a little enterprise going here.

Pat McGurn: What?

Dalton: You're going through a bottle every 30 minutes, you're skimming the till for 6 shots a bottle. On drafts, 1 every 10.

Dalton: [to Tilghman] I figure he's costing you about 150 a night.

Pat McGurn: [smiles at Dalton] So?

Dalton: So consider it severance pay. TAKE THE TRAIN.

Pat McGurn: [to Tilghman] I didn't hear you say that.

Frank Tilghman: Well, I'm sayin' it now.

Pat McGurn: You sure?

Frank Tilghman: GET OUT.

Frank Tilghman: [to the Double Deuce staff] Well, it was a good night. Nobody died.

Dalton: It'll get worse before it gets better.

Carrie: What did you do there last night?

Dalton: What do you mean?

Carrie: You fired the bartender, Pat.

Dalton: He was skimming.

Carrie: You should not have done that, Dalton.

Dalton: Yeah, why's that?

Carrie: You just shouldn't have, that's all.

Carrie: [hands him food] Here you go. Breakfast.

Dalton: Oh, thank you.

Carrie: [starts to giggle] Oh, my God.

Dalton: What is the joke?

Carrie: Well, there's no joke. I just think I'm lookin' at a dead man, though.

Dalton: It seems everywhere I go, I hear that same joke.

Carrie: Yeah? Well, something tells me you bring it on yourself.

Dalton: Problem?

Pat McGurn: There's no problem. Just a little mistake, that's all.

Dalton: What's that?

Pat McGurn: My job. You don't get it, do you?

Dalton: Why don't you explain it to me?

Tinker: [ready to fight] I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

O'Connor: [to Tinker] Hey, shut up, shithead.

[to Dalton]

O'Connor: Mr. Tilghman's changed his mind. And that's all you need to know, son.

Dalton: No, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to know a little bit more than that.

O'Connor: Mr. Tilghman may own this bar, but the liquor he serves is supplied to him by BRAD WESLEY. Now, Pat McGurn is in the employ of Mr Wesley, his uncle. Not Mr Tilghman.

Pat McGurn: You see, I'm stayin', and YOU'RE GOIN'.

Dalton: Oh, really?

Brad Wesley: [sees Dalton looking at a man's picture] My grandfather.

Dalton: Looks like an important man.

Brad Wesley: He was an asshole. But *you*, you're a smart boy, aren't you, Dalton? You're just not too realistic. Christ, I'm just like you. I came up the hard way, from the streets of Chicago. You know, when I came to this town after Korea there was nothing. I brought the mall here. I got the 7-Eleven. I got the Fotomat here. Christ, JC Penney is coming here because of me. You ask anybody, they'll tell you.

Dalton: You've gotten rich off of the people in this town.

Brad Wesley: [laughs] You bet your ass I have. And I'm gonna get richer. I believe we all have a purpose on this earth. A destiny. I have a faith in that destiny. It tells me to gather unto me what is mine. But, Christ, you get paid for beating people up. Tell me you don't love it. Of course you do. You wouldn't be human if you didn't.

Brad Wesley: Dalton, I have a cousin in Memphis. Tells me you killed a man down there. Tells me you said it was self-defense at the trial. But you and I know that isn't so, don't we?

Brad Wesley: [Dalton stands up and starts to get mad] Relax. Relax. Tell me, if I owned a bar and I wanted to clean it up, how much would it take to get you to come work for me?

Dalton: [defiantly] There's no amount of money.

Morgan: If you're not drinkin', YOU'RE outta here!

Carrie: Don' let 'im bother you. Morgan was born an asshole and jus' got bigger.

Carrie: I'm Carrie Ann!... If you need ANYTHING... ANYTHING, jus' let me know.

Carrie: You gotta name?

Dalton: Yeah.

Carrie: Well, what IS it?

Dalton: Dalton.

Carrie: [laughing] Ohhh my God! Shit! I've heard of youuu!

Pat McGurn: 'Ey Carrie Ann! What're'ya waitin' for? Christmas? MOVE!

Carrie: Ah shut up. I'm goin'. Jesus Christ.

Dalton: [after receiving Carter's telegraph, his nephew Edgar Rice Burroughs arrives at his estate to find out that Carter had died] His death came as a shock to all of us, he was a model of health and vigor. He just dropped dead in his study, not five minutes after sending word for me and the doctor. When I arrived he was already gone.

Dalton: [Burroughs looks around at Carter's office in awe as he sees all the strange and exotic findings from all over the world] The man never stopped digging. All over the world. No sooner he started digging one hole then he was off to Jaava or the Orkney Islands digging another. He said it was pure research, but it always seemed to me like he was looking for something. Well, God granting, he's found it now.

Dalton: [Burroughs picks up a photo of Carter and looks at it] Every inch a Cavalry man, to the very end.

Edgar Rice Burroughs: My mother always said that Jack never really came back from the war. That it was only his body that went West. He used to tell me the most wondrous stories.

[he turns to Dalton]

Dalton: I'd like to pay my respects.

Dalton: [Dalton and Burroughs stand outside Carter's tomb] You won't find a keyhole, thing only opens from the inside. He insisted, no embalming, no open coffin, no funeral. Well, you don't acquire the kind of wealth your uncle commanded by being like the rest of us, huh? Come, let's go inside.

[Dalton turns and leave, but Burroughs hesitates, walks towards the tomb and places his hand on the door]

Dalton: [back at Carter's estate, Dalton reads from Carter's will] And lastly, I hereby direct, that my estate shall be held in trust for twenty five years. The income to benefit my beloved nephew, Edgar Rice Burroughs. At the end of which term, the principal will revert to him, in full.

Edgar Rice Burroughs: [Burroughs looks shocked] Of course, I always adored him, but it's been so long. Why me?

Dalton: He never offered an explanation, I never asked him for one.

[Dalton passes an old looking journal to Burroughs]

Dalton: It was his private journal. He was most explicit that you, and only you, would read its contents. You might possibly find some kind of explanation in here. I'll leave you now.

[Dalton stands and offers his hand to Burroughs]

Dalton: Again, my condolences.

[Dalton turns and leaves]

Dalton: I eat when I'm nervous.

Val: He eats when he's horny. He just likes to eat.

Dalton: Well you know it's uh, kinda common knowledge that you are a, uh, gay, that is to say homosexual man and I just want to say up front that I have absolutely no problem with it

Lt. Langdon: [grabs Dalton and slams him against the wall] I am a sadistic leather master homosexual and I will tease you sensibilities!

Dalton: Gentlemen, what are the Four Pillars?

Dalton, Meeks, Neil, Knox, Todd Anderson: Travesty. Horror. Decadence. Excrement.