Denise Quotes in Road House (1989)

Bar guy: Whaddaya say we get nipple to nipple?

Denise: [eying her own ample cleavage] I can do that without you!

Tommy: Mom, that salesman's on TV.

Denise: That man's not a salesman. That's your daddy.

Denise: What are you doing here?

Chick: I was just passing by on the, uh, I came...

Tommy: [comes onto the porch with a toy] Who's he?

Denise: That man's a salesman. Would you go inside? Thank you.

Chick: [Tommy goes inside the house] He got big.

Denise: You can't come around like this. The court says you can't. It confuses him.

Chick: No I know. I just... I wanted to say that I'm sorry about everything, and... I got something coming up, something kinda big. You just might be proud of me. Would you do something for me? Would you just give him this. You don't have - you don't have to tell him who it's from just...

[puts a toy shuttle on the porch]

Carter: [Freaking out after being attacked by zombie, his face covered in blood] Fuck!

Denise: Calm the fuck down!

Ben: Calm down? Are you crazy? We almost just got killed in there!

Denise: [Points to Ben's car] Is that your ride?

Ben: Can you please just tell us what the hell is going on?

Carter: Anyone? I really need to wash off my face right now!

Denise: [Looks back at Ben] Keys, now!

Ben: Not until you tell us what's happening.

Carter: A wet nap! Anyone got a wet nap?

[Pulls a bandana from pocket and uses that]

Denise: What the fuck do you think is happening? Everyone's eating each other.

Ben: Wait... Like a...

Denise: YES! Like that!

Ben: But that's not possible...

Carter: I think it's possible Ben. A dead stripper just tried to eat my face!

Denise: I'm not a nympho. Mind you, I'm not Mary Poppins either but I'm far from being, what's the male equivalent of a nympho?

Denise: Oh, and the character I'm playing is also supposed to be a nymphomaniac. And the director of the picture is a strong believer in type casting. But, anyway, I'll cope with that.

Denise: Can you please be serious for 5 minutes?

Jerry Conlaine: My record is 4 but I think I can do it.

Denise: I won't do it! I won't play the role of nagging girlfriend anymore.

Jerry Conlaine: Would nagging wife make you happier?

Denise: ...Please tell me that was not you proposing to me.

Dustin: Guys, what are we doing in a clown college?

Sarah Jensen: [Female clown appears] Matty!

Matt: Hey, Mom.

Sarah Jensen: We missed the hell out of you!

Sweet Lou: Those are Matt's parents?

Dustin: They really are clowns.

Sarah Jensen: [Gets away and rubs her nose] You reek!

Matt: Hey, Dad.

Denise: [Girl appears] Matt?

Matt: What's up?

Denise: You smell funky.

[Making fun of him]

Denise: Wait, wait, don't tell me. Give me a second. I'm really good at this.

Matt: I'm covered in shit.

Denise: Oh!

Sweet Lou: What's up?

Denise: [Shoots a clown gun that shows a flag] Bang.

Sweet Lou: I can't believe you're Matt's sister.

Denise: Me either.

Sweet Lou: So you want to... Wanna...

Denise: [She takes his glasses off and put them on the table] "You want to...?" Do you wanna learn how to throw a pie?

[puts a plate of pie on his hand]

Denise: Bet you never turn down pie.

[Licks her finger]

Denise: So, I thought we'd begin talking about your parents' divorce.

Brennan Huff: Okay.

Denise: How old were you when they got divorced?

Brennan Huff: Fifteen.

Denise: That's a hard age.

Brennan Huff: Yes. Yeah.

Denise: Do you want to talk about some of those feelings?

Brennan Huff: I love you.

Denise: Obviously... you don't know me.

Brennan Huff: I love you so much.

Denise: Thank you, and I will take that as a feeling that you have of... comfortability with me.

Brennan Huff: It's more than comfortability. I mean, I fuckin' love you.

Denise: Okay, I... think...

Brennan Huff: I'm just thinking about our life together. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.

Denise: That is so... off-putting.

Brennan Huff: You're not feeling this?

Denise: In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.

Brennan Huff: I love you.

Denise: Obviously you don't know me.

Brennan Huff: I love you so much.

Denise: Thank you. And I will take that as a feeling that you have of comfortibility with me.

Brennan Huff: It's more that comfortability. I fuckin' love you.

Denise: Okay, I think that...

Brennan Huff: I'm just thinking about our new life together. It feels like I'm walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.

Denise: That is so off-putting.

Brennan Huff: You're not feeling this?

Denise: In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.

Denise: Brennan, I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.

Ray: Why didn't you wave hello to me today when I waved hello to you today?

Jimmy: I was on a very strong horse tranquilizer today; Wasn't waving hello to anybody. Except... maybe to a horse.

Ray: Huh? What are you talking about?

Jimmy: Just horseshit.

Ray: You from America?

Jimmy: Yeah. Don't hold it against me.

Ray: Well, that's for me to decide, isn't it?

Ray: [to Denise] You from America too?

Denise: No, I'm from Amsterdam.

Ray: Amsterdam! Amsterdam's just a lot of bloody prostitutes, isn't it?

Denise: Yes, that's why I came to Bruges. Been trying to get a better price for my pussy here.

Ray: Huh?

[pause]

Ray: You two are weird. Would you like some cocaine?

Denise: I was a good mom to her, you know? Some single moms their kids grow up too fast, but I always tried to protect Rachel from that. I did my very best to protect her from growing up too quickly, you know?"

Denise: Oh, my God... Peter's got a boyfriend!

Hailey: And I don't.

Denise: Oh God, why does everything have to be about you?

Hailey: Because I'm single.

Barry: I don't think she sucks his...

Denise: Watch your mouth!

Denise: [Describing Barry] He's 40 pounds overweight, has a Jew-fro and a small penis. I'm the best thing he's ever going to have and I'm only a seven.

Denise: He is lying to us, there is no subway in Los Angeles.

Gordon: Yes, there is!

Denise: Where? How come I've never seen it?

Gordon: It's underground.

Denise: Besides, I heard that song was about his dog.

Preston: It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell names their dog Amanda?

Denise: My cousin had a dog name Samantha.

Preston: Shut up about the dog, OK?

Denise: There's a mirror right there. Take a look, you're white.

[sees Kenny Fisher posing in a mirror]

Denise: Looks like someone's auditioning for "Soul Train."

Preston: Do you have to rat out on everybody?

Denise: Oh, come on! His wardrobe alone leaves him open for public mockery.

Denise: Just so you know, judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes.

Preston: Especially in your case. I'm sorry. You gave that to me, I just had to take it. Take care. Peace out, G!

Preston: I can't believe you pointed at her!

Denise: Look, she didn't see me! What are you, hyperventilating?

Preston: No, I'm hiransing my chi.

Denise: What?

Preston: I'm harnessing my chi.

[Denise laughs]

Preston: Don't laugh at me!

Denise: Were you this weird when we went out?

Preston: Were you this bitchy when we went out?

Denise: Yes, I was a bitchy eighth grader for that whole week, actually!

[During a yearbook signing]

Yearbook Girl: So why didn't you get your picture taken?

Denise: Specifically to avoid moments like this.

Yearbook Girl: [not paying attention] Great, thanks!

Kenny Fisher: Those shoes!

Denise: What?

Kenny Fisher: Do they serve an orthopedic function?

[the crying drunk girl walks up to Preston and Denise up on their arrival at the party]

Mary, Crying Drunk Girl: Thush bezt tea weveram sisu gizem chext ear!

[subtitle translation: This is the best party ever! I'm so gonna miss you guys next year!]

Preston: [watching the drunk girl stumble away] There's one at every party.

Denise: Kind of makes you never want to drink, huh?

Tassel Guy: Don't you want to keep your tassel? You know for $5, you can keep your tassel.

Denise: Yeah, then I can press it between my yearbook and my prom corsage.

Kenny Fisher: [Sitting on the sink] It's been on your mind the last six years, you could have mentioned something.

Denise: [Looks at him angrily] When? When you were ignoring me in the halls, when you were writing Denise Flemming is a tampon on my locker Freshman year!

Kenny Fisher: [Tries to worm his way out of it clearly embarrassed] I did not write Denise Flemming is a tampon.

Denise: Right, just like you didn't destroy my Cabbage Patch Kid in second grade.

Kenny Fisher: [Gives a shocked look that she remembered that] Second grade, besides I admitted that right away.

Denise: No you didn't! When I picked her up her head fell off and you started to cry. It kind of tipped me off.

Kenny Fisher: [Makes a face] I did not cry!

Denise: [Snorts] Ok.

Kenny Fisher: [Finally fesses up he that set someone else up to do the writing] Fine! I told John Kiseman to write Denise Flemming's a tampon. I felt really bad after.

[Denise dances with Terry at the prom]

Denise: I'm having such a good time. No one here knows I used to be fat.

[Terry tells Denise she was in the boys' locker room because they all believed she was a guy]

Terry: I can't give up! And today was a disaster, and I was a major geek, but they all thought I was a guy. I was in the boys' locker room!

Denise: You were?

Terry: Yes!

Denise: And they were?

Terry: Yes!

Denise: Can I be your younger brother?

[Buddy tells Denise in the cafeteria about his parents being gone]

Buddy: Our parents are gone for two weeks. You know what that means? Their king-sized bed is empty. Well, what do you think?

Denise: I think if you and I were the last man and woman on Earth, the human race would die out.

Buddy: [Buddy smiles] You want time to think it over. I understand.

[Denise sits with Terry in her bed and tries to cheer her up]

Denise: Terry, I hate when you're depressed. I mean, if you're this upset over your life, I should be suicidal.

Denise: [Denise sees the roses on Terry's bedroom table] I mean, look what Kevin sent you. I'd do anything to come home and find roses.

Buddy: [Buddy holds a single rose staring up at the ceiling] Can we define the word anything?

[Denise finally agrees with taking Terry to the prom]

Terry: Denise... Just say you'll go to the prom with me.

Denise: I'll go to the prom with you.

Terry: [Terry hugs Denise] Oh, thank you.

Denise: [Denise doesn't hug her back] I want a limo. And you can't tell anyone, not my friends, not my parents, no one. Deal?

Terry: Look, I'm not proud of this either.

Denise: God, look how low I've sunk, and you know what's really sad, you're the best date I've had in weeks.

[Terry asks Denise to take her to the prom]

Terry: Will you go to the prom with me?

Denise: [Denise stares at Terry] You are so sexually confused.

[first lines]

Denise: [Terry's best friend Denise interrupts Terry in her writing class] Terry...

Terry: Denise, why aren't you in Science?

Denise: They're showing a film strip. Everyone left. I have to talk to you.

Terry: [Terry scoffs] Denise, I'm really into this article.

Denise: I know, but I need your advice and you are my best friend. And I tried to deal with this myself, okay, and I'm really stressed out. Three guys want to take me out Saturday night and I'm not too thrilled about any of them, but I think I should go out with someone in case I don't have a real boyfriend by the prom.

[Denise tells Terry which three guys want to take her out Saturday night]

Denise: Bruce Schulmann. Edward Zink. And Roger Gibbler.

Terry: [Terry rolls her eyes] This is serious.

Denise: I know.

Terry: [Terry smiles] All right, on a scale of lame to cute, who rates the least low.

Denise: They're all lame. Put Roger in a Rent-a-Tux, he might move up to semi-lame.

Terry: Okay, forget the looks. Who's got the hottest car?

Denise: A Pinto, Dad's Skylark, and a Schwinn.

Terry: Looks like you're going to have to skip the prom.

[Denise gets asked out by the fourth guy, by the freshman]

Freshman: Hi, Denise. Are you busy Saturday night?

Denise: Sorry.

Denise: [Denise holds her hand up, whispering to Terry] Four!

[the two cool guys walk through the cafeteria saying hi to Terry but then ignore Denise]

Cool Guy #1: What's up, Terry?

Cool Guy #2: How it's going, Terry?

Terry: Hi, guys.

Denise: Hi, guys. Bye... Guys. Am I invisible?

[Buddy sits beside Denise wrapping his arm around her]

Buddy: You are so hot!

Denise: Buddy.

Denise: [Denise slowly takes Buddy's arm off] I just ate.

[Buddy hits on Denise who's trying to leave his house]

Buddy: Hey, Denise. What's your rush? We're young. We're wild. Let's be young and wild together.

Denise: I'd rather get the phone book and pick a name at random.

[Terry walks with her friend Denise at school as she still feels miserable for hurting Rick]

Denise: Terry, you have to snap out of this.

Terry: I will. It just may take me a couple of years.

Rod Kimble: [absent-mindedly, as Denise walks away] You look pretty.

Denise: [turning around] What?

Rod Kimble: I said you look shitty.

Denise: I'm sorry, Rod. What were you going to ask me?

Rod Kimble: Um, I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between... a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco.

Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me?

Rod Kimble: Of course.

Denise: Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich - in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco.

Rod Kimble: Wow, that's pretty racist but correct. I'll see you later.

Rod Kimble: Hey, Denise, have I ever shown you a picture of my dead dad?

Denise: No.

Rod Kimble: Oh, you've gotta see it. He's super dead.

Denise: That's him? He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?

Rod Kimble: Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. After a while the old man said, "To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve." So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly... the next day.

Jonathan: [drives up to convenience store] I'm going in for a Vitamin Water, should I make that dos?

Denise: No, I'm good, thanks.

Jonathan: Well, maybe I'll pick up a box of dong bags so we can knock boots later.

Denise: Who cares what anyone thinks?

Rod Kimble: You don't get it, do you Denise? I used to be legit. In fact, I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. But now I'm not legit. I'm un-legit. And for that reason I must quit.

Denise: You don't mean that.

Rod Kimble: Yeah, I do... Stay Sweet.

[Turns around and walks away]

Jonathan: Is that Sully? Babe I gotta go say what up to Sully.

Denise: Okay

Jonathan: Hey Sullivan, you chode! I owe you a shot in the nuts...

Rod Kimble: So, Denise, tell me about Jonathan. What's that dude all about?

Denise: Well, we've been going out for about a year.

Rod Kimble: Mhmm, and it's going well?

Denise: Yeah, yeah. I mean, every relationship has it's ups and downs, but...

Rod Kimble: Right. I've heard that. And he's a nice guy?

Denise: Oh, yeah. I mean, he's really smart. He's actually in line to become a junior partner at his law firm.

Rod Kimble: Right, totally. You guys should break up.

Denise: What?

Rod Kimble: Nothing. Hey, Dave's back!

Dave: You guys, the bathroom here is nuts!

Denise: Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities.

Rod Kimble: Yes, sensei.

Denise: You don't have to call me sensei, Rod.

Rod Kimble: Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?

Denise: I'm not gonna lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet.

Kevin Powell: Wow, Rod. I can't believe she said yes.

Rod Kimble: Yeah Kevin. You've only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.

Denise: Wow. She's really pretty, Rod.

Rod Kimble: I know, D. But it's more than that me and Kathy. It's emotional. She gets me.

Dave: Wow, Rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now!

Denise: Am I gettin' nutty, but you are moving to *Rome*. It's an adventure.

Gina: Rome.

[Exhales]

Gina: Rome, Washington.

Pam: You want us to study?

Shoop: The thought did cross my mind.

Denise: Well, what's in it for us? What do we get out of it?

Shoop: Literacy?

Shoop: Denise: no previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38.

Mrs. Green: Honey, that's terrific!

Denise: We'll get 'em next time.

Shoop: Kevin, from a 48 to a 75!

Kevin Winchester: Yeah, I'm back on the team!

[Kevin and his did share football shouts and hug]

Shoop: Chainsaw: last score was a 6, this time: 59. Monster comeback! And Dave: from a 26 to a 70.

Dave: I passed!

Anna-Maria Mazarelli: You made it!

Chainsaw: You passed? You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me?

Dave: It was an accident. I'll take it again, I can fail, I know it.

Shoop: Pam went from a 53 to an 82.

Pam: Was that the highest?

Shoop: Well, almost. That guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. You all worked hard and improved.

Phil Gills: And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. The point here is that we are here to discuss Mr. Shoop's flagrant violation of school policies.

Principal Kelban: Hold it, Gills. According to my numbers, the average scores have increased from 28 to 63. That's 125% improvement. Now that's teaching. Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.

Chainsaw: This menstruation thing is a scam. Women are so lucky.

Denise: WHAT? Oh we're so lucky? You think having your period is a picnic in the park? First of all you're all PMSed out, and second you don't any room in your purse for your hairbrush because of all the damn mini pads. You are SO ignorant!

Roach: Denise...

Denise: Roach, one word - RAID!

Denise: Sherman you're very special to me.

Sherman Klump: [laughs, embarrassed and flattered] I didn't think you and I would ever, you know... How can I put it? 'Cos I'm...

Denise: Big.

Sherman Klump: Yeah, I was gonna say 'fat,' but 'big' is better.

Denise: Sherman, that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that you're kind and decent. You are the most brilliant man I've ever known. And speaking of which, I shouldn't keep you from your research, so I'll catch up with you later?

Sherman Klump: Okay, I'll see you soon.

[she leaves]

Sherman Klump: [to himself] My goodness.

Sherman Klump: [to Denise] I just want to say I'm sorry. I never... never wanted to hurt you. Understand? I thought that if you knew Buddy was a part of me, I thought that you wouldn't have me then.

Denise: Sherman...

Sherman Klump: Hear me out... I should've had more faith in you. Should've had more faith in myself. But I...

Denise: Sherman? Sherman, what's wrong? Sherman!

Papa Klump: C'mon, can't you hear, son?

Denise: [persistent] Sherman, look at me! Who am I?

Sherman Klump: [without memory] Pretty lady!

Denise: [sobbing] Oh, honey!

[hugs Sherman]

Denise: It's going to be okay, I'll take care of you.

Sherman Klump: [gleefully, at same time] Oh, that's nice! Nice.

Papa Klump: Come on, let's get the boy home.

Sherman Klump: Nice lady!

[Sherman is serenading Denise with the assistance of a crap Mexican band]

Sherman: Denise will you...

Buddy: Hey Sherman. You hear me Sherman?

Sherman: ...Denise will ya? Will ya? Let me come up there and put my beef in your taco?

Mexican band: [singing] Put his beef in your taco!

Denise: What?

Sherman: [Buddy cackles, Sherman's conscious comes back] Oh, no! No, no, no...

[chuckles]

Sherman: That's not what I meant to say, Denise! That was just a little joke! I just wanted to see if you wanted to go out and get some Mexican food. That's why I said that.

Denise: Well I am kind of hungry, but I'm not-...

Sherman: Yeah, you are huh? Yeah, I bet you could stand for a big ol' whopper right now, huh?

Mexican band: [singing] A big ole whopper right now!

Denise's Nosy Neighbor: You're sick!

Sherman: Yeah, I got to tell you, I'm a Jumbo Jack man myself, if you know what I mean. Yeah and I'm loaded with secret sauce! Yeah, come on!

[Sherman does a perverted dance in front of a shocked Denise, and falls to the ground, sexually humping it]

Sherman: Bang that thing up! Yeah, come on! Come on! Make it funky!

Denise's Nosy Neighbor: You're gonna ruin my lawn, you pervert!

Mama Klump: [Answering door] Oh my, goodness! Is there a fire?

Fireman Stripper: Yes ma'am. I'm afraid there is.

Mama Klump: I don't smell no smoke.

[sniffs]

Fireman Stripper: [Walks in and beings playing music from stereo] There's a fire in my pants, and it's getting muy caliente!

[begins stripping]

Party Guest, Party Guest, Bridesmaid, Denise: Ooh!

[laugh and clap]

Mama Klump: Ooh! Lord, have mercy! A strip - Oh, my! My mother must've arranged this!

Denise: I bet you're gonna say next it's not you, it's me.

Neil: No, no, no, it's definitely you. Look, Denise, you're not enough like Katharine Ross in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Denise: I don't know what that means!

Neil: She was so supportive, you know. She... she didn't make Paul Newman feel stupid. She went along with it.

Neil: Look, Denise, you're not enough like Katherine Ross in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid."

Denise: [Exasperated] I don't know what that means!

Neil: She was so supportive, you know... she, she didn't make Paul Newman feel stupid. She went along with it...

Denise: Well, you know what, Neil, you can't go along with someone who's going nowhere. Someone who runs a shitty little video store that doesn't even make any money and, and spends his days hanging around a bunch of dorks talking about "The Seventh Seal."

Neil: Hey, you liked "The Seventh Seal."

Denise: I was FAKING it, you sucker!

Denise: [Mockingly imitating her fake reverence of Bergman] Oh... oh, THIS is Bergman? The IMAGERY, it's so POWERFUL! WHAT a GENIUS! I'm SO HAPPY you made me watch this... Hah!

Denise: [to Rebecca Payne, the hospital administrator, in the hallway of the hospital with Lt. Frank Grimes present] I would tell you what I think of you, but I am a Christian woman.

Denise: [angrily over the phone with John] They are releasing him, now you need to do something! DO YOU HEAR ME! DO SOMETHING!

Lebel: The following conversation was recorded at 6:15 this morning. The number being dialed was identified as Molitor 5901.

[plays a tape recorder for the council]

Denise: Hello.

Valmy: Yes?

Denise: Denise.

Valmy: Valmy here.

Denise: They know he's a Danish schoolteacher. They're visiting every hotel in Paris.

[Lebel switches off the recorder]

Lebel: The contact was arrested an hour ago. Unfortunately, the information came from this room.

Minister: Whose voice was that?

St. Clair: [slowly rises] I regret to have to inform you, Minister, that it was the voice of a friend of mine... she is staying with me at the moment... excuse me.

[leaves]

Minister: I feel we owe you an apology, Commissioner.

Lebel: Thank you.

Valmy: [answers phone] Hello?

Denise: Denise.

Valmy: Valmy here.

Denise: They found out about the Jackal.

[arriving in St Clair's home]

Denise: Are you home already...?

[discovers St Clair's body and a bottle of pills]

Sheriff Eben Oleson: They're burning down the town.

Denise: Nobody will know what happened. They'll just think it was some horrible accident.

Lucy Ikos: Next time they'll take out Point Hope, Wainwright.

Denise: Neither of you are getting me alone. Neither!

Aaron: Ah! We share, right? None of us have to be greedy.

Gabe: Yeah, come on. We'll be good.

Aaron: Oh, you will? Where's the fun in that?

Gabe: Oh, you bad little bitch.

Denise: Cindy if, uh, you don't go back to bed... Santa won't come.

Tommy: [wanting to have sex with Denise] He's not the only one.

Morris: What do you want to drink?

Denise: Oh, a milk on the rocks.

Morris: Wait till my attorney hears about this mess.

Denise: Yeah, just wait till my agent sees what they did to my boob!