Funny christmas quotes:

Send

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. -- Ellen DeGeneres
Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip. -- Gary Allan
Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone. -- Charles M. Schulz
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge
Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day. -- Helen Steiner Rice
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. -- Phyllis Diller
Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time. -- Douglas Coupland
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. -- Jerry Seinfeld
At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year. -- Thomas Tusser
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. -- Johnny Carson
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. -- Phyllis Diller
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. -- Erma Bombeck
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. -- George Carlin
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. -- Kin Hubbard
Mankind is a great, an immense family... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas. -- Pope John XXIII
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. -- Dick Gregory
Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'. -- Bing Crosby
Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart. -- Washington Irving
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -- Shirley Temple
I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men! -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. -- Dave Barry
Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. -- Calvin Coolidge
There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas. -- Robert Staughton Lynd
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. -- Jay Leno
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? -- Bill Watterson
I think 'Elf' is funny, with Will Ferrell. That's a great Christmas movie. -- Robert Osborne
--
Our family's special holiday tradition is going over to my grandparent's house on Christmas morning. My grandma cooks a big breakfast, and I love hearing her tell old funny stories. -- Caroline Sunshine
It's funny, I was talking to somebody who writes for a cop show, and he was saying how they aren't allowed to acknowledge Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, just because it has to be able to play forever. -- Hannah Simone
A Tuna Christmas' is the second in a series of plays created by Joe Sears and Jaston Williams featuring the fictional town of Greater Tuna, the third-smallest town in Texas. What makes these plays so hysterically funny is the accurate portrayal of small-town life in the Lone Star State. -- Lori Wilde
It's funny how we 'do' Christmas. Christmas is not something that we do, it is something that was done. It celebrates the long awaited arrival of the Messiah, Jesus Christ. We had nothing to do with it, but what we can do is praise God for the coming of the Lord, who washed away the sins of the world by dying on the cross. -- Monica Johnson
We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special. -- Larry the Cable Guy
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin -- Bill Watterson
--
I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do! -- Lisa Lampanelli

Send