Lisa Lampanelli quotes:

Larry the Cable Guy has everything: sleeveless shirts, stupid catchphrases. He's Mr. T without the acting chops.

Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I hear his jokes it reminds me to wipe my ass.

I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do!