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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. -- Billy Connolly
I was born in Glasgow. But my family is pretty much from a little town called Paisley, famous for its cotton mills and paisley pattern. -- Gerard Butler
I just got an honorary degree from Glasgow University, and I had to wear around very painful shoes so that I didn't laugh all the way through the ceremony because I felt like an outlaw. -- Denise Mina
Australia integrated the - brought on the ships and unleashed in the society the dogs of sectarianism, which had existed in other places - in Glasgow, in Liverpool and of course in Ireland, north and south. -- Thomas Keneally
I sang in a rock band when I was training as a lawyer. You know, not professional, we just did it for fun. We just did gigs all over Edinburgh and some in Glasgow and some at festivals. -- Gerard Butler
I was training to be a lawyer... I was president of the law society at Glasgow University, and my bass guitarist was my secretary of my law society; the lead guitarist and writer worked at the law firm that I worked. -- Gerard Butler
When I was deputy chairman I could travel from Glasgow to Edinburgh without leaving Tory land. In a two-week period I covered every constituency in which we had an MP. There were 14. Now we have only one. We appear to have given up. -- Jeffrey Archer
Glasgow Rangers. God I loved playing for them -- Paul Gascoigne
Growing up in inner-city Glasgow, it sometimes seemed to me money hadn't been invented. -- Jack Bruce
The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night. -- Ken Dodd
Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire. -- Frankie Boyle
I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow. -- Billy Connolly
Glasgow is less polite than Edinburgh but that's a good thing - they keep it very real. -- Nik Kershaw
At the moment, my mother is the only one left in Glasgow, although it's certainly my home. -- Bill Forsyth
I like the Edinburgh Film Festival, and I've liked what I've experienced of Glasgow's Film Festival too. -- Aidan Gillen
The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English. -- Frankie Boyle
The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer. -- Emo Philips
London is always fun, obviously, but something about Glasgow really speaks to me. Usually what it says, though, is "Let's get wasted." -- Keith Murray
I've always been mentally tough. Believe me, you have to be that way when you've been an Old Firm player living in Glasgow. -- Charlie Adam
Whenever I'm in Glasgow I go and stand outside the front of the house I grew up in, which is in Mount Vernon. -- John Barrowman
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long. -- Frankie Boyle
For me, the reputation for teaching language in general, and East European languages most particularly, gave Glasgow University, and by reflection the country, a distinction. -- Tom Stoppard
STG and the Ramshorn Theatre are a vital part of Glasgow's rich cultural history. To abandon them now is to abandon not only our past, but our future. -- Peter Capaldi
I came from a poor family. My father was from Glasgow, Scotland; my mother's brothers were brakemen on the railroad. We didn't have anything but mush for breakfast. -- Mickey Rooney
I'd live in Glasgow if I could. I can't praise it enough; it's the nicest place I have ever worked and I've worked in a lot of nice places. -- Roxanne McKee
I went to the Glasgow Youth Theatre and they just let me in. But I was so shy that I was there for about six weeks without actually introducing myself. -- Bill Forsyth
It's very important for cities all around the world to reinvent themselves, and Glasgow is a good example of that. The Scots are very nice. I don't think they are burdened by their history. -- Zaha Hadid
Well the seaport, all seaports in Britain whether it's Glasgow or Newcastle or... or Liverpool, any of the seaports, I've got this kind of knock about, beggar and the Lord will provide feeling about it. -- Derek Taylor
I've been lucky. I don't for a minute take for granted the good fortune I have had. You don't like to get ideas above your station, especially a boy from the south side of Glasgow. -- Tony Curran
My Dad taught me that the English upper class are sent to school to be taught to be confident, whereas in Glasgow you're born confident. I've always thought that pretty much summed me up. Born confident. -- Rankin
My childhood growing up in that part of Glasgow always sounds like some kind of sub-Catherine Cookson novel of earthy working-class immigrant life, which to some extent it was, but it wasn't really as colourful that. -- Peter Capaldi
I actually went to drama school at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music & Drama in Glasgow, so I stayed in my home town the whole time. However, I see more of my friends now than I did then. It's strange. -- James McAvoy
In Scotland, I have to say I'm more fond of Glasgow Rangers - not celtc - and there is a great player who played for them, who is still alive today, Willie Henderson. I met up with him recently when Benfica played celtc again. -- Eusebio
I must admit, even my fans everywhere I go in the world - just this week I was in London and Glasgow and the week before I was in Des Moines - my fans all look the same in all those cities - they look great! -- John Waters
I really want it to have an impact on the world. I want to be in a town on the other side of the world, and somebody walks up and says, 'That music you made in Glasgow, I listened to it every day, and it moved me.' -- Alex Kapranos
It's very hard to be cut off in Glasgow because it's such a small city. You know, we have the highest rate of per-capita imprisonment, certainly in Britain, maybe in Europe. We have a very high murder rate here. So most people will know someone who's been to prison. -- Denise Mina
Glasgow is a great city. -- Nicola Sturgeon
Glasgow has truly become my home away from home. -- Caitriona Balfe
Apparently when I went to school, I had a Glasgow accent. -- Annalena McAfee
When I was 12, I was in Oliver! at a theater in Glasgow. -- Gerard Butler
I really enjoy travel, I enjoy the U.K., I enjoy Scotland, Glasgow. -- George Wendt
Imaginatively Glasgow exists as a music hall song and a few bad novels. -- Alasdair Gray
I don't know how they're going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield. -- Prince Philip
Nicholas Parsons' time at the University of Glasgow seems to be absolutely shrouded in mystery. -- Derek Nimmo
As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years. -- Frankie Boyle
I have got the best of both worlds; growing up in Edinburgh and now living outside Glasgow. -- Magnus Magnusson
Glasgow is still full of churches built in the last century. Half of them have been turned into warehouses. -- Alasdair Gray
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight. -- Billy Connolly
One of the attributes Glasgow is best known for all over the world is the friendliness of her people. -- Nicola Sturgeon
I always thought it was funny that my grandparents had bought a ticket to New York and ended up in Glasgow. -- Peter Capaldi
He said he loves her more because she makes him smile. Fine! I'll give him the Glasgow smile. Beat that, bitch! -- Natalya Vorobyova
There's so much light in Broughty Ferry. I think the humour in Glasgow is darker, because it's much more gloomy, there's a perpetual misery there. -- Brian Cox
It was great being brought up in a Glasgow working-class tenement. It wasn't miserable, and it wasn't poverty stricken. It felt very safe, full of delights. -- Peter Capaldi
Most big cities like London and Glasgow have great big rivers that are unmissable. What's brilliant about the Water of Leith is that it's so hidden. It's a secret. -- Antony Gormley
I think that practising the law, particularly litigation, and particularly in Glasgow, has always been difficult enough without adding to it by having problems with professional colleagues or former colleagues. -- Len G. Murray
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I'm very fond of Glasgow, particularly the West End. The whole stretch of the west coast of Scotland from Loch Lomond up through Mallaig to the Kyle of Localsh is so beautiful. -- John Niven
Glasgow's not a media center. When you're there, when you're hanging about, you feel quite detached from musical movements or fashions or anything like that. You do feel quite alone, in a good way. -- Alex Kapranos
If we can't have an open and honest debate about the value of ideas in a university in Glasgow, or Boston, or anywhere else in the world, then where are they going to go? -- Edward Snowden
If you went for a job interview in a Glasgow law firm, they used to ask you what school you went to. And that was a way of finding out what religion you were. -- Denise Mina
When I was 18, I couldn't wait to move away. I was like: 'If I ever have to come back here, I'll kill myself.' Glasgow seemed like failure and death to me back then, but not any more. -- Laura Fraser
Before 'Local Hero,' I'd been knocking about Glasgow in rock bands, drinking too much and generally being 21. My opinion of actors was that they were straight and boring, so you see, I was completely unprepared for being one. -- Peter Capaldi
My granny would come out and stay with us in the winter, and we would listen to the reports from the coastal stations and have a discussion in the middle of Glasgow about what the weather was like in Tiree. -- Johann Lamont
I remember going to see Billy Graham in a cinema in Glasgow, and he was down in London. I used to go and hear preachers, and then we always went to church and Sunday school. That mattered a lot to me. -- Johann Lamont
I'm fascinated by fire. When I was four, I wore an American fireman's hat all the time, and I still have one in my office today. Glasgow used to be called 'Tinderbox City;' there were always fires, people getting killed. -- Peter Capaldi
I really want it to have an impact on the world. I want to be in a town on the other side of the world, and somebody walks up and says, 'That music you made in Glasgow, I listened to it every day, and it moved me. -- Alex Kapranos
Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost. -- Ken Dodd
For me, Glasgow is all about the people and the spirit of the place. You have enough Greggs bakers, though, Ill say that. The opening of the 1977 Star Wars movie was possibly the only time Ive seen a longer queue round the block than in Glasgow for sausage rolls. That was quite an eye-opener. -- Darren Boyd
A few years ago, if you had told me I'd be moving back to Glasgow I'd have said, 'No way'. But it's changed. It's much more vibrant, bohemian. But I'm 35 and I've become a bit of a homebody, I don't really go out much. Same in New York. My home could be anywhere but I love Glasgow. -- Kelly Macdonald
After I graduated from the University of Glasgow, I was a self-employed archaeologist going from dig to dig around Scotland, and it was not well-paid. I was an excavator, not a lecturer as well, so paying rent on a flat was tricky. In the end I decided to retrain as a journalist as I couldn't see a future in it. -- Neil Oliver
I cannot wait to come back to Glasgow. I know the place like the back of my hand. In fact, one of the jobs I had as a student was in Cineworld. And I was always at gigs in King Tut's, Nice 'n' Sleazy's and the Barras. I played Ultimate Frisbee down on Glasgow Green and pulled pints in O'Neill's on Queen Street. -- Colin Morgan
At the age of nine, I could cross the length of Glasgow on a succession of buses, wearing regulation garter-topped stockings and compulsory cap and - if I'd done well enough to earn the honour in last week's test - with a First World War medal on a striped ribbon pinned to my brown blazer. I must have looked like a chocolate soldier. -- Ronald Frame
I played upright bass. I wanted to write great tunes, play the bass, be a band leader, and smoke a big funny pipe like Charlie Mingus. So I went out and bought the pipe when I was around 18 or 19 years old. You know even women smoke a pipe in Glasgow. I worked with Carla Bley and she smoked a pipe, which I find fascinating. -- Jack Bruce
I do miss Glasgow but Malibu is home now. I love it here and when I do go back to Scotland it takes me a bit of time to acclimatise. I am a spoilt so-and-so. I live in the mountains of Malibu in the most gorgeous house and I phone my mum every day and tell her that I have got bad news - that it is only 70 degrees here. -- Tommy Flanagan

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