Thelma Quotes in Inspector Gadget (1999)

Officer John Brown: Thelma, how do I look?

Thelma: Like a geek from Kansas who became a security guard.

Thelma: Give the footage back to the widow. Let her deal with it.

Alan: I can't give it back. There's someone in that project I haven't seen for years.

Thelma: I hate it when that happens.

Alan Hakman: I need to speak to you alone.

Thelma: Michael, why don't you go down to the store and buy some cigarettes?

Michael: We got eight packs already.

Thelma: Well, bring them back then. We don't need so many.

State Trooper: [sobbing] Please! I have a wife and kids. Please!

Thelma: You do? Well, you're lucky. You be sweet to 'em, especially your wife. My husband wasn't sweet to me. Look how I turned out.

Louise: [as Harlan is starting to rape Thelma, Louise puts a gun to the back of his head] You let her go, you fuckin' asshole, or I'm gonna splatter your ugly face all over this nice car!

Harlan: [letting Thelma go, as Louise presses the gun harder into his neck] All right, hey, hey, hey, just calm down. We were just having a little fun, that's all.

Louise: Looks like you got a real fucked-up idea of fun.

[the two women back away several steps]

Louise: Turn around. In the future, when a woman's crying like that, she isn't having any fun!

Harlan: [the women turn and walk away] Bitch! I shoulda gone ahead and fucked her!

Louise: What did you say?

Harlan: I said suck my cock.

Louise: [Louise shoots him]

Thelma: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Louise: Get the car.

Thelma: Oh, Jesus Christ. Louise, you shot him. Oh, my God.

Louise: Get the car.

Louise: [looking down at Harlan, in a soft but angry voice] You watch your mouth, buddy!

Louise: I think I fucked up. I think I got us in a situation where we both could get killed. Damn, I don't know why I just didn't go to the police right away.

Thelma: You know why. You already said.

Louise: What'd I say again?

Thelma: Nobody'd believe us. We'd still get in trouble, we'd still have our lives ruined. You know what else?

Louise: What?

Thelma: That guy was hurting me. If you hadn't come out when you did, he would've hurt me a lot worse. And probably nothing would've happened to him 'cause everybody did see me dancin' with him all night. They would've made out like I'd asked for it. My life would've been ruined a whole lot worse than it is now. At least now I'm havin' some fun. And I'm not sorry that son of a bitch is dead. I'm just sorry it was you that did it and not me.

Thelma: You're a real live outlaw, aren't ya?

J.D.: Well, I may be an outlaw, darlin', but, uh, you're the one stealin' my heart.

[last lines]

[with a cliff in front of them and cops behind them]

Thelma: OK, then, listen. Let's not get caught.

Louise: What are you talkin' about?

Thelma: Let's keep goin'!

Louise: What d'you mean?

Thelma: Go.

[Thelma nods ahead of them]

Louise: You sure?

Thelma: Yeah. Yeah.

[they hug and kiss, then Louise steps on the gas; Arkansas State Police Investigator Hal Slocumb starts to chase their car on foot]

Max: Hey!

Thelma: [shouting wildly as she runs back to the car] Driiive, Louise! Drive! Drive the car! Come on. Go! Go! Go go go go go!

Louise: What happened?

[Thelma holds up money]

Louise: You robbed the store? You robbed the goddamn store?

Thelma: Well, we needed the money.

Louise: Oh!

Thelma: It's not like I killed anybody, for God's sake!

Louise: Thelma!

Thelma: I'm sorry, we needed the money, now we have it.

Louise: Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit, Thelma!

Thelma: Louise. Louise.

Louise: Oh, shit!

Thelma: Come on, get a grip. Drive us to goddamn Mexico, will you?

Louise: Okay. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Well, how... How'd you... I mean, what'd you say?

Thelma: Well, I just waltzed on in there and I said...

[cut to surveillance video of Thelma robbing the store as watched by Hal, Max, and Darryl]

Thelma: I don't remember ever feeling this awake.

Louise: Thelma, listen up, now. If you even think he knows, I mean, even if you're not sure, I want you to hang up, you understand?

Thelma: [dials the number]

Darryl: [exchanges looks with police, then answers phone] Hello.

Thelma: Darryl, it's me.

Darryl: [with forced cheer] Thelma, hello!

Thelma: [hangs up] He knows.

Thelma: Louise, shoot the radio.

Louise: Right.

[she fires at the AM/FM radio]

Thelma: The *police* radio, Louise!

Thelma: Hey Louise, better slow down. I'd just die if we get caught over a speeding ticket.

Louise: You know, for the first time in my life I wish this car wasn't green.

Thelma: Are you sure we should be driving like this? I mean, in broad daylight and everything?

Louise: No we shouldn't, but I want to put some distance between us and

[shouts]

Louise: the scene of our last goddamn crime!

[they both laugh and scream with joy]

Thelma: Oh, man! You wouldn't have believed it. It was like I'd been doin' it all my life. I mean, nobody would believe it.

Louise: Think you found your callin'?

Thelma: Maybe. Maybe. The call of the wild!

[gets up in her seat as both scream and laugh]

Louise: You are disturbed!

Thelma: Yeah, I believe I am.

Louise: [talking about their cabin vacation in the mountains later in the day] You mean you haven't asked him, yet? Thelma, for Christ's sake! Is he your husband or your father? It is just two days, for God's sake. Don't be a child. Tell him you're going with me.

[grins mischieviously]

Louise: Tell him I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Thelma: That don't carry much weight with Darryl. He already thinks you're out of your mind.

Thelma: You could park a car in the shadow of his ass.

Thelma: Louise, no matter what happens, I'm glad I came with you.

Thelma: [Louise tells her the police probably tapped Darryl's phone] Tapped the phones? What're you talking about?

Louise: Come on, Thelma, Murder One and Armed Robbery.

Thelma: Murder One? We can't even say it was self defense?

Louise: Well, it wasn't. We were walkin' away. We got away.

Thelma: Yeah, but they don't know that. It was just you and me there. I'll say he raped me and you had to shoot him. That's almost the truth.

Louise: Won't work.

Thelma: Why not?

Louise: There's no physical evidence. We can't prove he did it. We can't even probably prove by now that he touched you.

Thelma: God. The law is some tricky shit, isn't it? Hey, how do you know about all this stuff, anyway?

Louise: Besides, what're we gonna say about the robbery? There's no excuse for that. There's no such thing as justifiable robbery.

Thelma: All right, Louise!

[sees a white cowboy hat in the backseat]

Thelma: Where'd you get this?

Louise: Stole it.

Thelma: [with her gun to the state trooper's head] Now, I swear three days ago neither one of us would've *ever* pulled a stunt like this, but if you was ever to meet my husband, you'd understand why.

[they've just discovered that J.D. has stolen all of Louise's money]

Thelma: Oh! Oh, goddamn it! I don't believe it. I've never been lucky! Not one time! Shit! That son of a bitch burned me. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Louise? You okay? Louise. I'm sorry, I mean it.

Thelma: [Louise has her wrists over her face as Thelma kneels down to face her] Louise, it's okay. It's okay.

Louise: [Louise lifts her tear-streamed face] No, Thelma, it's not okay! It's definitely not okay. None of this is okay! I mean, what are we gonna do for money, huh? How we gonna get gas? I mean, trade on our good looks? I mean...

[she starts sobbing]

Louise: oh, goddamn it, Thelma, it's not okay!

Thelma: Wait. What? You wanna go to Mexico from Oklahoma, but you don't wanna go through Texas?

Louise: Thelma, you know how I feel about Texas! We're not going that way!

Thelma: Yeah, I know, Louise, but we're running for our lives. I mean, can't you make an exception? I mean, look at the map! The only thing between Oklahoma and Mexico is Texas! Look.

J.D.: So, tell me something, Miss Thelma. How is it you ain't got any kids? I mean, God gives you something special, I think you oughta pass it on.

Thelma: Well, Darryl, that's my husband...

J.D.: Darryl?

Thelma: Yeah. He says he's not ready yet. He says he's still too much of a kid himself. He kinda prides himself on being infantile.

Louise: He's got a lot to be proud of.

Thelma: Louise and him don't get along.

Louise: That's putting it mildly.

Thelma: She thinks he's a pig.

Louise: I know he's a pig.

Thelma: You said you 'n' me was gonna get out of town and for once just really let our hair down. Well, darlin', look out, 'cause my hair is comin' down!

Thelma: But, umm, I don't know, you know, something's, like, crossed over in me... and I can't go back. I mean, I just couldn't live.

Louise: I know. I know what you mean. Anyway, we don't wanna end up on the damn Geraldo show.

Thelma: [stopping suddenly at the edge of a cliff] What in the hell is this?

Louise: I don't know. I think... I think it's the goddamn Grand Canyon.

Thelma: Isn't it beautiful?

Louise: Yeah. It's something else, all right.

[the ladies are just starting off on their road trip. Thelma lifts out Darryl's pistol]

Thelma: Oh, Louise, umm, will you take care of this gun?

Louise: What in hell did you bring that for?

Thelma: Oh, come on! Psycho killers, or bears or snakes? I just don't know how to use it. Will you take care of it?

Louise: Put it away! Just, here, put it in my purse. Thelma, good lord!

Thelma: [seen on surveillance video of Thelma robbing the store as watched by Hal, Max, and Darryl] Good mornin' ladies and gentlemen. This is a robbery. Now, if nobody loses their head, nobody will lose their head. Simon says y'all lie down on the floor, please, right away. Thank you. Ma'am, would you get down? Not you, sir. Let's see who'll win a prize for keepin' their cool. Sir, will you do the honors? Take all the cash out of the drawer, put it in a paper bag.

Store clerk: Yes ma'am.

Thelma: You're gonna have an amazing story to tell your friends. If not, you'll have a tag on your toe. You decide. Hurry up. Let's go. Ma'am, would you be quiet? Sir, get down, please. Thank you. Just stay there. Just get real comfortable. Hey, uh, throw in some bottles of Wild Turkey, too, will you?

Store clerk: Yes ma'am.

Thelma: Thank you. Now, you get down, too.

Store clerk: Yes ma'am.

Thelma: Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you all for your cooperation. Now, stay down on the floor 'til I'm gone and have a good day.

Thelma: Well, I've had it up to my ass with sedate.

Thelma: I know it's crazy, but I just feel like I got a knack for this shit.

Louise: I believe you do.

Thelma: You awake?

Louise: Guess you could call it that, my eyes are open.

Thelma: Me too. I feel awake!

Louise: Good.

Thelma: Wide awake. I don't remember ever feeling this awake. You know what I mean? Everything looks different. You feel like that, too, like you got something to look forward to?

Louise: We'll be drinking margaritas by the sea, mamacita.

Thelma: Hey, we could change our names.

Louise: We could live in a hacienda.

Thelma: I gonna get a job. I'm gonna work at Club Med.

Louise: Yeah. Now what kind of deal is that cop gonna have to come up with to beat that?

Thelma: Have to be pretty good.

Louise: Have to be pretty damn good.

Thelma: I had a suggestion that we go to the police, but you didn't like that, so frankly, Louise, I'm out of ideas.

Louise: Well, what's the big rush, Thelma? I mean, if we give 'em enough time, they'll come to us.

Louise: Tell him you're having a wonderful time and you'll be home tomorrow night.

Thelma: Will I be?

Louise: I don't know. I won't.

Thelma: Come on, Louise. Don't blow it.

Thelma: [to Louise] I told you to slow down. Officer, I told her to slow down.

Louise: She did.

[gives the state trooper her license]

Louise: How fast was I goin'?

State Trooper: About 110.

Louise: Oh.

Louise: [a little way into their driving trip, Louise is smoking, Thelma takes one of Louise's cigarettes and mimes smoking it, to her reflection in the side mirror. Louise looks over and grins] Thelma, what are you doin'?

Thelma: Smokin'. Hey, I'm Louise.

Louise: Besides, what're we gonna say about the robbery? There's no excuse for that. There's no such thing as justifiable robbery.

Thelma: All right, Louise!

[sees a white cowboy hat in the backseat]

Thelma: Where'd you get this?

Louise: Stole it.

Louise: What did Darryl have to say?

Thelma: Oh, he said,

[in a mocking tone of voice]

Thelma: "Okay, Thelma, I just wanted to make sure you was all right. I sure hope you're havin' fun. You deserve it after all you've put up with me. I love you, honey."

[she swigs from a mini-bottle of bourbon]

Thelma: So, how long before we're in goddamn Mexico?

[realizing that Thelma has committed to journeying with her, Louise grins]

[they are being pursued by about a dozen police cars]

Thelma: I guess everything from here on in is going to be pretty shitty.

Louise: Unbearable, I'd imagine.

Thelma: Well, look, everything that we got to lose is gone anyway!

Louise: Oh, God, how do you stay so positive?

Thelma: We're running for our lives - cant you make an exception?

Thelma: You know, Oscar, if I didn't know better, I'd say a nice old grandfather like you was trying to hit on a couple of ladies.

Oscar Madison: I'm not as old as I look. I had this plastic surgery done recently, and the quack doctor botched it up.

Holly: Your friend doesn't say much, does he?

Oscar Madison: He's the doctor who botched it up.

Thelma: Oscar, what are two wide-awake girls going to do with one hunky, funny guy?

Oscar Madison: Why don't we all write a suggestion on a piece of paper?

Bob: I think I'm going through what psychiatrists call an identity crisis.

Thelma: Is that what Alan Pooley had?

Bob: I think Alan just liked dressing up in women's clothes.

Thelma: She must have quite a hold on Terry.

Bob: Probably at this very moment.

Thelma: Maybe we should invite Chris and Terry to badminton club.

Thelma: I know the city is a bit grey but outside we're surrounded by breathtaking grandeur, aren't we Bob?

Bob: Oh yes, breathtaking.

Bob: I'm going through a very depressed state recently, I think we should talk it through.

Thelma: Oh Bob, we've got so much to get done, can't we talk about if later over a cup of tea, it'll keep won't it.

Bob: Of course, its not important Thelma, I'm only questioning the validity of my entire life.

Captain Howard Cheney: You got a smart mouth, and it's gonna get you in trouble someday.

Thelma: Yeah, and it also may bite your ass if you don't stop tryin' to aggravate my patient!

Thelma: Just give it a few seconds to work. Come on, breathe with me. Breathe with me, Rhyme. Rhyme! Come on, now... Hang on, Rhyme. Hang on, man.

Amelia: Is he gonna make it?

Thelma: If he does, he won't be happy.

Amelia: What are you talking about?

Thelma: He's already finalized arrangements to self-terminate... He's got some doctor friend to help with his "final transition" as he calls it.

Amelia: But suicide? I mean...

Thelma: It's the seizures. Any one of them could put him into a vegetative state. That's what he fears more than anything.

Mr. Raymond: well, tell me, how many feet below sea level is this cave?

Thelma: below...

Thelma: But Roy, the ocean's three miles away from here!

Thelma: [sending psychic directions to Cliff] Cliff! It's immobile, waiting. It's above your head.

Thelma: It seemed like a mineral! Then it suddenly came alive! Poor Jill!

Thelma: Miss Laszlo watches all the old pictures, and a lot of the actors have passed away.

Muriel Laszlo: I saw a marvelous comedy last night. The entire cast was dead.

Thelma: The only nice thing you can say about men is they're all the same.