Scolex Quotes in Inspector Gadget (1999)

[Scolex contemplates on a nickname]

Scolex: Too bad Hook is taken, eh?

Sikes: How 'bout Captain Claw?

Kramer: Or Santa Claw?

Scolex: Just Claw, one word... like Madonna.

Scolex: Why, it's that annoying little security guard from the institute. So he's the lucky duck they plucked for the Gadget Program. Heh! Irony bounds.

Scolex: [on his claw] This is sort of post-modern Captain Hook kind of feel it. Very "diabolical." I deserve a dashing appellation.

Kramer: A dashing appellation. What is that? A hillbilly with a tuxedo?

Officer John Brown: Attention: Driver of the wrecked limo attached to the "Yahoo!" billboard, this is security officer John Brown. Please step out of the vehicle immediately, or... else.

Scolex: Fine work, Mr. Security Guard, you got me. Here, have a victory cigar.

[pulls out a cigar and lights it... ]

Officer John Brown: No, thanks.

Scolex: Remember: Smoking kills.

[tosses cigar]

Officer John Brown: I don't smoke!

Scolex: [laughs] Oh, really? You will now.

Officer John Brown: Oh, boy...

[the cigar blows up Brown; also sending a bowling ball rocketing out of Brown's car. Scolex closes his sunroof, but the bowling ball falls through the sunroof before closing, and crushes his left hand]

Scolex: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY HAND!

Scolex: Hello. Sanford Scolex. We were at Harvard together.

Dr. Brenda Bradford: We were?

Scolex: Oh, you don't recognize me. That's because I've changed. I was obese. Maybe you remember me like this.

[fills his mouth with air to simulate his prior obesity]